About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

TUESDAY



I'm not too proud to admit that shit like this gives me a hard-on.....

And this, Gentle Reader, is Bobak Ferdowsi; a scientist of Persian ancestry, as is my son-in-law, of whom I am very proud.
Bobak is one of the head honchos on the rover landing and is now an internet sensation.


HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAH!!!!


A lot of people say I remind them of Christian Grey.




Ran across some Serbian murals. This is an example.
It reminded me of the psychedelic "font" of Rick Griffin.

This American mural is similar, except for face.....
If truth be told, I don't "get" the murals. Is it language or design and/or both? And if it is pure design, why are they so similar to one another? There must be something I don't understand. Would very much appreciate some help. Thanks.
(ps: I use a lot of high contrast images of faces (see Che below). The trick - at least for me - is to take the photographs yourself)

Have a buddy who is a Major in the Army. He was attending some formal function and was introduced to the Lieutenant Governor. After she walked off, my friend's wife asked who the woman was, then said, "Well, you outrank her."


Get naked and ride bicycles stupidly....why the fuck not?


I want to thank all the people who have donated dollar bills for use in my next money sculpture. Both of them are coming along nicely, but it's been so damn hot in my studio.




What "sort of" pisses me off about the rich is that some (Steve Jobs, Bill Gates) actually make things to acquire their wealth, but it seems most rich people were just born into it.
That is not to say they don't work hard, but when you start with a few million disposable dollars, your chances of success are pretty much assured.


My first love was the girl at the Dairy Queen with the lazy eye. I still find laziness very attractive.



Back when people actually had backbones.


You receive a billet-doux in a careless scrawl you can't read....what sort of billet-doux is that, I ask you.




"You have nothing to fear unless you have something to hide" is one of the most dangerous statements of modern time.
How about "Fuck you, I'm an American and I have a RIGHT to be left the fuck alone!"

In all my years, I've never seen anyone fall off a horse gracefully....not even the formally clad riders in the Olympics. I find each and every one of them hilarious, especially if they involve fractures.



This is my buddy hunting wild boar with an AR 15....
I once researched wild boar for a story I was writing. Those fuckers are awesome. They don't take shit from anybody....kind of like those people in Warsaw.

Managed to give my wife an orgasm last night. 
I felt great about it until she spat it back in my face.




Worth a read...


What is the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
The wheelchair.
(you think I can keep from going straight to hell if I claimed that was a zombie or bath salts joke?)




I have no idea if these numbers are correct, but I'm going to spread them anyway...


Every time I find a new Starbucks, I order under the name "Bueller", then leave, so the girl has to keep calling his name over and over.




I knew a guy that did exactly this, but he had a wife, so his problem was covered by the marriage contract....


This Chick-fil-A scandal has got me worried. I wanted to go to Arby's, but I don't know where they stand on the unrest in Syria.

Dear friends, I don't make up all the blue quips. Sometimes I run across something worth repeating that credits who actually said it first. The problems is, I don't trust anything on the internet, so I leave most quotes uncredited.
If you recognize the penner of the quote, don't bother telling me, cause I don't really give a shit. And does it really matter who said it first?
Thank you.



Latex Hood w/URINAL?!?!


Burkas, because a dog collar and leash are not degrading enough.



Me racist? Have you ever read the lyrics of a rap song?

I wonder if British people sit around trying to talk in an American accent.





I was hoping the last words I uttered would be something memorable like "Whoopsiedoodle!", but it'll probably be something embarrassing like "It's okay, the colorful one's aren't dangerous."





Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives.






A mulatto.
An albino.
A mosquito.
My libido.
Oh, yeah.



Remember, I refuse to give anyone the power to deny me the right to use whatever the fuck word I want to use, unless.....unless you grant me the same power over you; and I can think of a whole bunch of words that offend me....."God bless you" comes to mind.
 
Pleasing everyone is impossible.
But pissing everyone off is easy....and fun.




If you are a bad guy and see this.....make yourself very, very small......


Who would of thunk.....

Latest craze is doing this shit at work....AT WORK!


These are hash browns. Hash browns are not supposed to be cubed or diced, they are meant to be grated like this.
You might want to write that shit down.


This is the fucking world we live in, folks...

Daughters....go figure...


I saw a guy fall off a bike, then jump right up and look around to see if anyone saw him. I waved to get his attention, then did the Robert De Niro eye pointing thing to let him know I saw the whole thing; then bent over, slapped my knee and mimed guffawing.




I think we ought to use this image on all those Che T-shirts...he looks kind of stoned, don't he.....and happy...which is kind of the same thing....


My first wife was such a bitch sometimes. You would think I was the only man to forget their kids at the airport.


Why is this concept so very hard for some people to grasp?


Scientists believe that the first human being to live 150 years has already been born. I like to believe I am that person.




I find this very interesting...
There could very well be an unemployed physicist picking up a few bucks sweeping up at night....and changing the sign; which I can only assume he did smugly.


I've seen thousands of these. This one is especially humorous because of the perfect alignment...


This is so wrong in so many ways....

I can just smell their virginity and hear their late night sobs....

How to know for a fact that you have too much money....


One of my very own...
I would like to meet that man.

This shit is true, ya'll.....


Yeah, like we don't have to recharge them often enough already...

Too soon?


A perfect pubic hair treble clef...
Don't thank me.



Another of my very own....


TRUE: What not to say to your wife when she tells you her sister's boss laid her off after working for him 14 years:
"If she had sucked his dick that wouldn't have happened."




Shit got real, real quick. It's what desperate people do...
While in New York, my wife came upon a vendor with key chains, coffee mugs and such emblazoned with the logo of "Piggly Wiggly", a truly Southern name for a truly Southern grocery store. When she asked why in the name of capitalism they were selling such things, the vendor said that a Piggly Wiggly was the first store Bonnie and Clyde robbed.......good a reason as any, I guess.

TRUE AS FUCKING SHIT: I once painted a mural depicting children's faces (in high contrast, by the way)  and titled it "Smiling Faces Make Beautiful Places", and then the DMV did this and didn't give me a wit of credit.


When I was in college I liked dating theater majors just in case one of them got famous one day and I could brag about it to my kids.




I have no idea what this means, I just like fucking with Mexicans....

My first wife had a girlfriend (not that kind) whose stomach looked like this...but that's not the story.
The story is that I overheard a conversation whereby the girl complained that she had to go to summer school because she flunked a class. Then she bemoaned, "And I fucked the professor, too."
Gentle Reader, Do you have any idea how bad in bed you would have to be for the professor to flunk you after he fucks you?


Here to protect and serve....

"Why don't you come up and see me sometime?"


Men are such pigs....

I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes.





You should never tell a woman she's crazy unless you want to see crazy.




I really like public art that makes social commentary.


People on the internet giving you advice....


It appears that autocorrect has become my worst enema.




It was stated that this is not shopped...


??????

This looks like me after watching "Two Girls, One Cup."
( For Goat )


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