About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

WEDNESDAY




What if this guy was a frenchman? This would be a photo of a frog posing like a statue....


LEGALIZE GAY MARIJUANA!


I think the term 're-use' is now called 're-purpose'...anyway, I like it....


When someone tells me to 'Make myself at home', the first thing I do is start yelling at their children.


These dogs are trackers, not killers....


My beliefs don't make me a better person.
Your beliefs make me a better person.




Boy, am I split on this one....
What if...just what if, we have no more money?


A college kid wearing skinny pants was standing in line in front of me at the Post Office. I said, "Oops, looks like somebody put on their little sister's pants this morning by mistake."
(When you're old, you can get away with shit like that)





Now I answer "You look like Santa Claus" with "No. Santa Claus looks like me," then I look all fierce and shit.



A Google street view you don't see everyday.....


Notice the orbs which the mainstream media are hiding from you.





I think one of the funniest terms in the English language is "Fish Taco".



This guy has some of the funniest stuff on the internet...

Dick in a box. No, really. It is evidence in the trial of a woman who bit off her boyfriend's member...

The truth sometimes hurts...


My dad taught me that changing the toilet paper roll would cause brain damage.......and I never thanked him.




Yeah, size don't matter......when your gun is big enough...


Remember, no matter how great your triumphs or how tragic your defeats, there are roughly one billion Chinese who just don't give a shit.



Not. One. More. Step......


When I casually ask someone "How are you?" and they tell me, these people are emotionally slutty and should not breed.





This concerns income tax....


How clever....


Wood I, wood I!!!!


Speaking of trees...

This is the way I look when I step out of the shower and find my wife releasing one of her poo-nami shits in my commode.....



From Churchill to Roosevelt....


At my wife's store, people have begun putting names on the food in the fridge. Today I ate two brownies named Beth.





"Transported to a surreal landscape, a young girl kills the first woman she meets and then teams up with three defective strangers to kill again."
(Movie description for the Wizard of Oz)




I will keep posting images like these until they outlaw this bullshit...(oh, my, I made another little pun)


I was all in favor of sex education when I was in school until I found out there wouldn't be any homework.



The chapel comes to you in Vegas...


Never get into fights with ugly people...they have nothing to lose.





Sure, there's no "I" in team, but there is an "M" and an "E".





Every morning is a Bud Light morning.
Bud Light doesn't ask silly questions. Bud Light understands.



London authorities are pissed at Banksy


What if I told you that girls aren't machines that you put kindness coins into until sex falls out?



Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner....


No amount of fines will ever get me to pick up dog shit.



This is Earl Hindman, the most famous man that nobody knows...he's dead....


For centuries nature's wrath and beauty have inspired fear and awe, and a belief in god. Progress, however, has proved no one has a religious experience in front of a computer screen.




Fuck companies who do this. Can you imagine buying a lamp that doesn't fit you wall plug?


Bad things happen to good people because it's funnier.



There are people who don't believe this is the same guy...



I think they ought to treat the shooter in Colorado just like they treat streakers at modern sporting events. They never show them or give their names. So a murderer's face will never be shown and will simply be referred to as "He who must not be named."





If you are young lovers, remember this....
 Never let a boner go to waste.



Some people say "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em."
I say "If you can't beat 'em, beat 'em," because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.







Never, ever try to end an argument with your wife with: "Well, they dropped the charges!"





It is impossible to order at Subway without saying, "Umm".





Cults: A career option where being crazy is an asset.



Just think, if polygamy was legal, it would be possible to have a smart and a beautiful wife.


Bringing Banksy alive....



It's a snake robot......just something else to worry about...


Somewhere out there is a person who owns every episode of "Horders", and never watches them.



This boat went around the world on solar power...


Sleep is like coffee for people with too much free time.



 Past great Olympic moments...


That this is in needlepoint makes this even more disturbing....

My penis was once in the Guinness Book of World Records, but the librarian got pretty pissed off and kicked me out.




What my mother never understood was that if all my friends jumped off a cliff, it would have been my idea.



Okay, then, I will...

Look, you might get me drunk enough to try this, but you ain't never going to get me drunk enough to try this in front of a camera....


Sometimes I cover my dick in toilet paper and pretend it's a ghost and act all scared and shit.





During our wedding reception, an old friend of my wife told her, "Now you can start packing on the pounds", and they giggled.......giggled!




The patent for the very first vibrating bra....


I bet just like everything else, they will find the Higgs Boson in the last place they look.





I had been drinking the other night when I just looked at the Highway Patrolman, nodded, then stood on one foot and put my finger to my nose. Then he started screaming for me to pull over.




What a wonderful word....


I wonder if it's even possible to have a revolution during an obesity epidemic.



One of my very own...

3 comments:

Margaret said...

"There is no "I" in Team, but there are 3 "U"'s in Shut the Fuck Up."

Jambe said...

re: the cart-jumping mishap, you might check out some of Damien Walters' acrobatics videos. Crazy bastid, that guy.

Anonymous said...

my vote is for #6

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