About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

WEDNESDAY 9/19/12

NOTE: This post features a high quality topless Kate Middleton....stay tuned.

This is just a sample of the comments and emails flooding the Neiman Marcus sites over their fucking with my wife.

Hey- love the men's Bruno Magli shoes on your website. Do they come dipped in CORPORATE GREED with a side of LITIGIOUS INTIMIDATION? I would like them wrapped with CALLOUS INDIFFERENCE, if you please.
Love your STRONG ARM tactics against a small non-profit women's consignment shop named "Revente's Last Call". You know, since they've opened, all their profits benefit the WOMENS SHELTER of Columbia, SC. They've also clothed many HOMELESS VETS for they're first job interviews to re-enter the workforce. But soooo many people go in thinking it's "Last Call by Neiman Marcus". Absurd, right?
But hey, what do you care? Keep slinging your over-priced merchandise. I, for one, don't need it.


I think this is one of the coolest motherfuckers that has ever walked the earth....

Will a gun fire in space?
Think about it a minute and I'll give you the answer later.


Public transportation......HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Mind the gap....

I don't really blame the guy...I just love making fun of people.....

Remember this woman. She wants free stuff so she can fuck and not get pregnant.


The four most over-rated things in life are champagne, lobster, anal sex and picnics.



Look, I'm not all creepy about beautiful women's feet, but, damn!......
And this?
Fuck, I'll have nightmares for a fucking month!

I watched the whole film about this and you should have heard the people witnessing it. They made remarks very akin to what we would have screamed.....
(I thought very, very cool)

Backpfeifengesicht: A German word for a face that badly needs a punch.


1K.....

I hate people that try to pull this linguistic bullshit....
Like when you say that you don't understand violence against children because it goes against human nature and they pull the old "social construct" crap. It behooves all groups to protect the young so that there will be another generation. Do chimps have a social construct? Yeah? Then I guess fucking and eating and shitting are social constructs.

Remember this? Still made me smile....

Sometimes I turn my pockets inside out and pull my dick out and pretend I'm an elephant.


Well, she shouldn't have pissed him off....

This is a newly named primate. It is different from every other primate, but has been around humans for a long, long time. I think everybody just assumed it had been named, but never checked.....

Living art installation....I'll let it speak for itself....

During WWII they had code words for everything...for obvious reasons. Then during D-Day they had two floating Mulberry harbors which were codenamed: A and B.
A and B.
I would like to meet the guy who came up with that and ask him how long it took.




I hate dirty soap.


I don't get it......

I'm not a big fan of putting anything red into my mouth.


Topless Kate Middleton....

A gun will fire in space. One of the ingredients has mostly oxygen in the molecules. 



I should have thought of this! Just place the hashbrowns on the old waffle iron...no mess, no flipping, no nothing...

Somebody told me that those wet towelettes you get in restaurants are great for cleaning glasses.


Hey, guys, let me know how many times you watched this before reading this.

This is Clay Matthews counting how many times he has sacked Bears QB Cutler....
Don't know Clay Matthews? Well, he is one very bad man...


Nature....I mean DAMN!

Fucking amazing....

I hope it broke the motherfucker's ribs....

Words can not express....

I found this interesting. It seems Google Streetview now has a face recognition that blurs faces to avoid lawsuits.
You can figure out the rest....

This is what it's like to wake up in the morning having pee real bad, but having a hard on.....

The main difference between boys' bodies and girls' bodies is that girls bodies don't know how to fart, and that's why they are cranky sometimes, because they got gas but they can't let it out.


Egypt.....go figure......

When my daughter was studying the metric system she asked me how much a gram was. I said, "About $400."




What doesn't kill me might make me kill you.



I, after all these years, have never been slapped by someone's mother.


He was referring to farting....
I have taught classes of emotional disturbed students, and this doesn't surprise me one bit.
My number one rule was "DO NOT GET OUT OF YOUR CHAIR". I had to do that because they were so violent. And all you bleeding hearts make me laugh if you think this is being "restrictive". I would love to see you facing 20 completely, totally, dedicated vicious children whose only delight is drawing blood.


So you're going to print $40billion a month to buy mortgage bonds. Tell me all about how that last housing bubble worked again.



Just a midget with a flame thrower...nothing to see here, people...just move along....

Obama's new campaign slogan is "Once you go black you never go back".


When 50 Shades of Gray just demands action....

TRUE AS FUCKING SHIT!
I'm sitting her fucking with this post and a flying cockroach lands on my mustache and scares the hold shit out of me. It was about the size of a beer can with tiny little prickly feet that hung on for dear life. As I swatted at him, he tried to find refuge BETWEEN MY LIPS IN MY MOUTH.....AND I COULDN'T SCREAM....THAT WOULD BE LIKE PUTTING OUT THE WELCOME MAT!!!!
Flying cockroaches....think about that shit a minute....and try to sleep well anyway.

Do you have any idea how close I am to looking like a homeless man?

This is Lambeau Field....heaven on earth.....

Due tomorrow?
Do tomorrow.


Somebody just wants to watch the world burn....

This is one of the best "painted hands" things I've seen....
(the pen is the finger...did you get that?)

This is a page out of the coloring book I bought my great-nephew...

My very first love in first grade was named Merry. I still think it's a very wonderful name.




TRUE: Tonight at the bar a friend stated that a friend of his had married an extraordinary woman from Italy. I asked, "Extraordinary how?"
He said, "Well, she's got a whole shelf filled with very old, very fat books."
The bartender and I exchanged glances, and I said, "Well, that explains that. I feel like I know the woman already."





1 comment:

Margaret said...

Pollo= Spanish word for Chicken

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