About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Friday, October 19, 2012

FRIDAY 10/19/12



 This was me when I first saw my wife sitting on that barstool giving me that come hither look....
 This is the come hither look...

They took their dancing very, very seriously back then...

If you don't live so close to one of these to buy hot donuts right off the conveyor, I feel sorry for you....

Indeed.

A rerun image that still makes me smile....

Some things are better left unexplained.....

And remember, many prisoners WANT to be put in solitary confinement.....

Yeah, science....it's like this....

 Did you notice immediately that there are people in that painting?




VW owners know.....

There is a bird in this photo....


Well, I have some bad news for you, Sparky.....

That awkward moment when you realize an energy drink has a better space program than your country.


Those zany asians....

I think on Columbus Day, every Native American should be able to fuck a white girl.


Xanthan gum and sodium benzoate.....huuuuum.

I don't have an attitude problem.
You have a problem with my attitude and that's not my problem.


This looks like something I should have done...

 Carbon credits were supposed to be the government's "good" way to solve the problem. You gotta hand it to Federal Government's solutions guys.

Speaking of.....

"WHY NOT" is the anthem for an interesting life.



One of my very own...

Nigglywiggly:
A. A fish bait, usually a beetle.
B. A stunt plane manuever considered the most difficult.
C. What the English call those little shapes you "see" (Americans call them floaters)
D. The little paper flag thingy sticking out of the top of Hershey's kisses.



All conspiracy theories have two basic flaws.
1. They believe the government is competent.
2. They believe the government can keep a secret.


My wife donated something else to the local police department....

A guy was moaning about graduating from college and not having a job. I asked him what his major was and he said, "Philosophy." I said, "That's good because they just opened up that big philosophy factory up in Greenville."




It's so very, very sad, really. Ignorance that we must "respect" because...why?....because a lot of people have been delusioned? When someone can look you in the eye and say something like, "I believe in talking snakes", the....deserve.....no.....respect!!!

Remember, words are weapons, but weapons are also weapons. Being bullied in school? Take a fucking knife.


How many can you name? (some are repeats)

Odds are pretty good that Lance Armstong used those yellow Livestrong bracelets to tie off.



The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
TRUE: I had a dear friend who fought in WWII as did one of his best friends...a Japanese guy who fought on the other side. My friend used to introduce him as "The only surviving kamikaze pilot". It turns out the guy trained and was ready to fly when the war ended.


One of my very own...

From the movies I have learned that you are very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.


When I was young and used to go camping all the time, I wore a pair of leggings just like these....

...and then Satan said, "Put the alphabet in math."


My, oh, my.....what have we here.....

Take steroids, they said. What's the worse thing that could happen, they said.....

Sometimes I wish I was in a gang so I knew what to do with my hands in pictures.



A Nigglywiggly.


Some sadistic motherfucker named her son Twilight Sparkle....
By the third grade, this kid will either be dead or be the best fighter in the whole school.

All stamps are food stamps if you're hungry enough.


Fuck Nazis.

Have you ever pooped on your own foot?


Cuts both ways though, Mr. Baptist.....

I remember when my dick used to hang lower than my nut sack. If your dick still hangs lower than your nut sack, you show that motherfucker off! Show it to your fucking friends. Take pictures of it and post it on the internet.
Do it now before it's too late!!!


Another of my very own....


One of my very own....
Note: Somehow I have ended up with a glut of One of my very owns and have been culling the herd so to speak.
I will be the first to admit that some are much better than others.

Meanwhile at the Scientology service....

Overheard at a bar: No need to beat off a dead horse.


Oomvo......


This is the way I feel when I scroll through pages of images looking for things to post....

If Romney is elected and does away with food stamps, all the hood and half the trailer parks are going to have their own Hunger Games.




Try to figure out what movie this story board is for....

Why commas are important:
Don't wear black people.



Another Mr. Language Guy observation:
Two TV people were talking about a ball player and said:
"....he's 37 now...going on 38."


This just about says it all, don't it....

Crossword Clue: Homer's path
__ __ __
[ ARC ]



GET READY FOR OBAMACARE
I'm fine. I feel great and my doctor has given me a clean bill of health yesterday. With that said, several weeks ago I had my wife drive me to the Veterans Hospital emergency room when I fell down for the second time due to extreme vertigo. Here are the string of events and what is in store for you under government health care.
1. At the ER I never saw a doctor. I saw a nurse practitioner who looked in my ear and gave me a perscription for dizziness medicine.
2. Two weeks later I was called in for another visit at which they irrigated my ear to remove any wax.
(at this point nothing had been done to accertain the cause of my dizziness)
3. I requested to see a real doctor, so she made me an appointment for 3 weeks hence.
4. At that meeting my GP said he didn't know much about ENT so he made an appointment for a real ENT specialist....three more weeks.
5. Finally, after 8 weeks, I was told that I have a viral infection of my inner ear and......get this....if it didn't get better in THREE MONTHS to come back.

To clarify, because I am a vet I get free care and medicine. I never griped about the two hour waits in waiting rooms. I never griped about the cronic lack of parking. And I have no right to gripe about waiting 8 weeks for a diagosis of something that was scaring the shit out of me. I just want you to realize what's in store for you and yours if you hand the government responsibility for your health care.
PS: A friend told me that when he was living in England he spranged his ankle and went to the clinic. Without ever looking at his foot a doctor gave him an appointment for a physical therapist for three weeks hence. It's as if all government health care is run on a three week hence schedule.


Bondage?

At any one time I always have at least two books on tape checked out from the library. Many times one or both are a day or two late being returned and my fines were mounting. I had attempted to pay several times, but they never have change for large ($20) bills and they just rolled over.
Then I get one of snippy automated calls telling me I had an over due item and that I should return it immediately.
But I had returned the item to a library branch other than the one from which I checked it out. I went to the library, told the man my problem and he walked to the shelf to make sure it had been returned. It was on the shelf, so he forgave all my fines as a way of apology.


Go ahead....explain this....I dare you....

"Did the average Neanderthal know she had a brother-in-law? That was the title of an article on the establishment of extended family. Quite good actually.



Mobile phone?

How long before we call these pricks out on this shit?

There are things that children can not be taught, they just have to figure it out on their own. The conservation of liquids (this being it) is an example. No matter how many times you show the kid that the two containers have the same amount of liquid, the child will choose the tallest one when asked which has the most.

I see what you did there, blue.....

Are you guys thinking what I'm thinking?

Oh, look, somebody has missed the whole fucking concept....

What do you suppose he was trying to do? What I mean is, had the "trick" succeeded, what would it have looked like?
You know how TV shows are always warning "Don't try this at home"? Well, I wonder if I could do it at a friend's house.

I HAVE SOMETHING SPECIAL FOR YOU TOMORROW.



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