MONDAY 10/22/12

George McGovern died.

He condemned the Vietnam War from the very start. He said that it was conducted to sell bullets (basically) and he also predicted EXACTLY what would happen when we did leave. Where are the McGovern's today.....besides me?

I'm not so interested in these gas prices, but in the sign....Serve Yourself. I actually don't remember doing that until I was much, much older.

What's the point of blurring out the middle finger on TV like oh, my, you have me fooled. What's behind all that blur? Is it an umbrella? An elephant? A young Bill Gates?

Many children stare at me because I kind of look like Santa Claus. I've begun to lean down and say, "I'm you...from the future...don't trust your parents." Then walk away.

The sound of children laughing makes me happy. Unless I'm home alone and the power goes out.

Why the fuck is increased thoughts of suicide a side effect of anti-depressants?  I mean, why couldn't the side effect be "You may write that novel you've always wanted to write" or "May result in you being able to yodel"?



Fuck this pretentious prick...

If nothing is impossible, then it's possible for something to be impossible.

I was just diagnosed with colorblindness. I'm so surprised. It just came out of the green.

Why doesn't someone invent a clear toaster?

Remember kids, the only difference between just screwing around and science is writing it down.

How do all the pumpkins know to grow just in time for Halloween? Coincidence? I think not.
Checkmate, Atheists.

If I could have dinner with any three people, living or dead, I'd choose living ones.

Sunday was National Coming Out Day.
Monday is National Disown Your Son Day.

Got a spam comment on the blog that offered to teach me how to paint "abstract" painting.

I've been studying it for 40 years, have a masters degree in it and still don't understand the dividing line between non-art, art and Art with a capital A. Good luck with a computer class.

When I laugh at jokes on the internet, I don't actually laugh. I just blow more air out of my nose or mouth than usual.

The topic of the next Obama/Romney debate is about nothing other than who won the previous debate.

 You know if you pronounce that, it's thirst.

TWO MEN WHO SHOULDN'T HAVE

This should be illegal...

He, of course, was so certain that he could crash through the ice that he had it filmed. That has got to hurt....

Give me warp drive, Scotty....

Congratulations to both presidential candidates on being better liars than Lance Armstrong.

I like to post this from time to time, just to give it all some perspective....

Their vision is based on movement....

Yeah, I called my wife the wrong name during sex, but I told her that I didn't even know anyone named Kevin.

Helpful tip....

Adderall & Beer...Breakfast of Champions.

How....ah....windy was it......

Looks kind of like a semi sleep-over.

What the fuck are Microsoft Points?

Several of my very own....

If I were the moderator of a presidential debate, I would give both candidates Sock'em Boppers and make a rule that whenever their opponent went over their allowed time they could charge across the stage and bop them until they stopped talking.

There is so very much wrong with this that I don't know where to start....

This is the way my wife looks when she reads my blog...

The brain is the only organ that named itself.



If you don't know what YOLO means, then this will make no sense....

Guy was shot in the face. 100 doctors and countless hours later.......same guy.....

If New York can ban the sales of soft drinks in any sizes greater than medium, I don't see why we can't do the same for yoga pants.

Stated as true:
A Parisian street mime was so committed that he actually got stuck in his imaginary box and there died of starvation in the year 1843.

This is another Craig's list spoof from that guy I introduced you to on Saturday. Kid is looking for a summer job and this is the job description he was offered...

I weep for the future....

In dog beers, I've only had one.

The person who said that french fries are not a pizza topping has never been stoned. 

Speaking of....

"Mommy, watch this!" is the toddler equivalent of "Hold my beer."

It should be a crime to serve a hot dog without first draining the sour kraut.

Tagg is a name rich people give their children because it sounds like a name rich people give their children.

There's a lot of talk out there about the real chance that there could be a tie in the Electoral College, then it's a real cluster fuck.

TRUE: Saw a documentary about a future inflatable spaceship that would be made out of a Kevlar-like material.



Wouldn't this make a great T-shirt....

I have done the math. If I am to read all of Proust in this lifetime, I have to start tomorrow morning.

It's caled poetic justice, you smug piece of dog shit....

My wife wants me to call her Marceline while having sex. She wants to call me Ice King.

Brushing your teeth is a lot more fun if you give gender rolls to the toothbrush and the toothpaste.

I'm the white in the crayon box of life.

I wish I had a meter on my computer to compute the miles I scroll in a given period.

It's called "Cubicle Sex".....

...and it's a good thing.

This is exactly what it looks like....

TRUE:  My wife just got home from a wedding. She said at the reception they had hamburgers, hot dogs, baked beans and potato salad.
I said, "So, you're telling me you went to a redneck wedding."
She said, "Well......yeah. But the food was good.