TUESDAY 10/23/12

I like to fuck with people. Old people can do that with impunity. Some times when I ask someone the time, they will say something like, "It's a quarter of three."
I wave my hands dismissively and say, "I don't speak clock language. Could you just give me the fucking numbers."

Maybe this is in Canada and I will see it next Spring during my wife and I's walk about....

Wait for it......

Photographer uses a mirror....good stuff....

How do you know when a wife is going to say something intelligent? She starts her sentence with, "My husband told me...."


I think he put it on upside down......or not.....

I'm still impressed with this...every fucking time....

Whenever someone starts a question with "Is it okay...", the answer is always no.

God I'd love to sit down on a barstool next to this guy...

I'll never understand why British people lose their accent when they sing.

Are you ready for this?

To a whole bunch of people, this is the only nature they know....

What a great fucking idea....

THERE IS NO TEAM IN FUCK YOU.

The universal language...

"Children are our greatest treasure" is not just words for me. I am fascinated by them. When I see their joy (above) I feel joy. When I see their pain, I suffer.
And I mean that.

Morgan Freeman did an Obama commercial....that's like using a cheat code.

"Just say no to drugs."
Well, if I'm talking to my drugs...I probably already said yes.


I am hesitant to explain why I think this is a work of art; fearing I would insult people who already know....or think they know. But I have been an art educator all my life and I can't help it.

I have mentioned "sympathetic angles" before. It's only one element that I look for in the photo's design. Now check out the items in this image that are at the same angle, thus making it pleasing (more pleasing) to our eyes.
- Her arm, the slope of the mountain, the handle on her crutch.
- His leg to her crutch.
- Her leg to his crutch.
There are more, but you get my point.

Do. Want.

I love airports...probably the only place you can drink in the morning, alone, and no one judges you.

A couple of interesting tattoos....

I'm not sure if everything is expensive or if I'm just poor.

Slim Jim sponsored the shortest freefall.....

She said, "Come on over, nobody's home."
So I went over and nobody was home.


This is an outrage!!

Dogs have two emotions: Sarcasm and loathing.

It's simply evaporating...

Anybody know what's going on in the blue section?

Your brain forgets 81% of the things it learns each day, and you'll most likely forget this.

My dogs do this. I think it is a case of "other"....

When you see it....

Quality humor: our only goal.

This Halloween I'm going as a Quantum Mechanic.


Big study...kind of what I was saying the other day....

My wife asked what I was going to be for Halloween.
I said, "Drunk."

 Biscuits cooked on a waffle iron so they hold more gravy....what a great idea....

Watched a Ted talk about human learning. Apparently, we take clues from the environment and try to make sense of it. The following are examples of closure in written and visual form...

Our minds are programmed to make sense of things. It's not any good to just "think" the shape in the forest is a predator.

This prick copyrighted the term "Tebowing"...so it would be used the "right" way. I think he's been Tebowing too many dicks up his ass lately.....

...not that there's anything wrong with that.

Dear Single Women,
If you cook bacon in a microwave, you ain't never gonna get married.
Sincerely,
Every man in the world

I think this is a great idea.....

TRUE:  I looked at the movie box and it said the movie's length was 110. Somehow my mind read that as an hour and ten minutes.....sort of like microwave time. I was late for bed and had to explain that to my wife who already thought I was an idiot. She but gazed at the ceiling and shook her head, a slight sigh excaping when she breathed. 

After all this time, somebody finally got a padlock clicked in their ear lobe hole....

Yeah, public transportation....because we all have to sacrifice for the greater good....

Death is forever no matter when it starts.

You can't solve your problems with money.
But you can solve your problems with lots of money.

Because he fucking could, that's why.

This is true. Not as bad as it looks. He was going to swing off the cliff anyway and parachute to the ground...

Let's do death and burial, shall we......

He does this on special occasions.

Cambodian King dies. Coffin loaded. Doesn't exactly look regal, does it?

At any given time the urge to sing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" is just a whim away.....a whim away, a whim away, a whim away.....

I could stare at this son-of-a-bitch for hours.....

The internet said it, so it must be true....

It's 2012. We place a full-sized SUV on mars...fully equipped. We replace human organs. There's nano-technology. We can call almost any person on earth...like instantly. And yet....AND YET....when anything goes wrong with any gadget in my home, the solution is to turn it off and back on again.


You can't make this stuff up, folks....

To err is human, to make a hilarious public error is, well, funny.

One Earth day....

You don't hear many mainstream Christians criticizing the weird shit (I'm talking batshit crazy here, people) in Mormonism. I think they are afraid of the blow-back. For instance:
"They believe god lives on a planet. Ha, ha, ha."
"You believe in a talking snake."
You see my point?
Being a recusant myself, I find the whole thing hilarious.

I studied Freud, but I gave it up when I read that he thought that penis envy was limited to women.

This is an oil painting...

This is not an oil painting. 

I once read that many famous writers wrote naked. I tried it, but couldn't keep my hands off my dick long enough to get anything done.

And the autorities took it down.....why?

TRUE: My wife is so astute that if she senses that I don't know someone's name, she immediately uses their name in the conversation.

I'm a secondhand vegetarian.
Cow eat grass. I eat cow.

I applaud them....

And the other claim to fame of the one in the gray hoodie is that she can pull nails out of wood with her ass.