About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

TUESDAY 10/30/12



By the time we wake up this morning we should know if all the Sandy hoopla pans out. I hope for the least.
One guy on TV gave a pretty good piece of advice...take a hot shower now, while you can.

This replica ship was lost in the storm.

Interestingly, being named the Bounty, one of her crew was named Claudene Christian.  Bounty....Christian. I wonder if an offspring of Fletcher.

Ever wonder what things like our "Raining cats and dogs" sounds like elsewhere? Well, read on....


I don't give a shit enough to hate very many things. But I can tell you now, I loathe those pricks who stand out in the storm when reporting on a hurricane. I mean, pleeeeez.


And then there's this....

 Here's a few lazy man costume ideas that aren't half bad...

 Ceiling fan....
 My son in law would be perfect for this...



But to come dressed as a blogger, like this guy, might require too much effort on your part....

Silly or provocative......you decide.....

 I actually like it, but I like almost everything I've never seen before.

I've put way too much thought into my apathy.



The hand posture......if you hold your hands like that, then fuck you.....

 Put your trust in god, my ass!
Put your trust in adequate instructions!

The more suicidal people exist, the less suicidal people exist.





Yes, it's a wedding, and, yes, it's at a gas station...
The reason I post stuff like the above is that it reminds me of Improv Comedy.....the part where they give two suggestions and they have to come up with something funny about them......now......wedding and......gas station....Go!!!
PS: I once taught a kid who grew up to be an Improv Comic. I thought him from 5 years until 12. He was, of course, the class clown in school, but, damn, what a cool fucking kid. 

The trick to winning the "I bet I can drink more shots of tequila than you" contest is to come in last.





I have sought out your imperfections and I have found them. That I can still tolerate you is a testament to my strength of character. You're welcome.



What an extraordinary image........

Am I the only one who thanks a green light out loud for staying green when running late?





I always force my dogs to watch animal abuse commercials to show them how good they've got it.



In my opinion, there is a very thin line between "craft" and "Art". Utility used to be the guideline, but now I'm not sure....

I my opinion....a national treasure....

There couldn't be a truer sign....Welcome to America...

I lost a lot of money when the NY Giants upset Dallas Sunday. Here is the email I sent the recipient of my misfortune:

FUCK DALLAS.
FUCK ROMO.
FUCK THE WHOLE FUCKING STATE OF TEXAS.
FUCK ANYONE WHO WAS BORN IN TEXAS.
FUCK EVERYONE WHO CAN FIND TEXAS ON A FUCKING MAP.
FUCK MAPS.


My one remaining pleasure, self-pity, no longer holds any appeal.

We were all born with a reading lists we will never finish.



Wouldn't you just love to see these guys try to get on an airplane these days....

Most people don't give a fuck....except porn stars. Porn stars always give a fuck.



I really hate it when I don't get a cartoon. Anybody?

I don't know what the kid did to deserve this, but I bet he won't do it again....


TRUE: This is seriously awesome. Researchers with the Mastodon Matrix Project need help sifting through "matrix" — the dirt that a fossil is embedded in. Join the Project, and you'll be sent a kilogram of matrix from a mastodon dig in New York State. You can do the analysis with inexpensive, easy-to-find equipment, and then send your discoveries back to the scientists.



If religion wins.....

Rape is "God's will", but homosexuality is a choice.

Talk about making shit up as you go along.


Fucking Amazing!!!!

I used to have super powers, but my therapist took them away.


 During an emergency, companies shut down their production line and can water to be shipped to needy areas. Budweiser did it in South Carolina after Hugo. My father in law has one of those cans.

I've found that if you twist the pencil while sharpening it, you can stop this...

Speaking of ignorance....

Man had accident and was bedridden before wedding...no problem....
It was actually a very touching story...but it looses something when abbreviated.


To all you people who are waiting for your ship to come in, get off your ass and go swim out to it.


 How about the second fucking camera, you idiot? It didn't say it was the first day it was invented.


Famous people with weird appendages....

I imagined the white guy as a TSA agent dealing with an irate passenger and that's an airport....

I once told a guy about a friend of mine. He guy asked, "Is he black or white?" 

I said, "I didn't notice."
He said, "How could you not notice if he was black?"
I said, "I meant, I didn't notice what a jerk you were.....until now."


What a fucking image!!!

Crossword Clue: Major in astronomy.

__ __ __ ___
[ URSA ]


The best thing about necrophilia is that you don't have to bring flowers...they're already there!


For my friend, Jack.....

Stuff like this gives me a hard-on.....

This is true, by the way. I don't know why...

I love mold. I'm cheating with fungi on the side, but I still love mold.




I think there ought to be an International Bacon Day...


“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, followed by countless others, gradually merging into a relentless trudge.”



Move to the city, they said, where there's so much to do, they said.....

My wife's picture of that wedding she attended....
The bride's "Something Blue" was a handful of Xanax.

 Robot firefighter...

This is the way I looked when my wife invited her lesbian friend to dinner and asked her about her sex life....

Rule #39....a self-starter....

Indian royalty hunt...
 An early photoshop....

You haul spray paint all the out to an ice floe and what do you paint? Your fucking name. Who are these pathetic people?

One job....one fucking job.....

I held out the tips of my mustache and measure it:

15 inches from tip to tip.
Just thought you'd like to know.


How porn looks while you masturbate....

 How porn looks after you masturbate...

I'm not really into gore, but look at the exact shape of that motherfucker's mouth...


Whenever I see an image like this, I wonder what the next sentence he uttered was....
"Is this Luxembourg, mate?"

I find it strange that I can unconditionally support our troops and abhor the war.




SOME MORE INTERESTING PHOTOS

Look at how much attention he has drawn...

Inbreeding....not even once.....

Me, when the professor announced he didn't take attendance...


Have you ever realized how hard it is to order from Subway without saying "umm".


The best laid plans....

There are no cat people. There are only dog people who don't need dedication, shun unconditional love, don't need protection, and actually like cleaning an animal's shit out of their house.



Can you figure out what book this is?

You like posers? How about these...

Who was killed for giving Marseilles Wallace's wife a foot massage?
Get it? What was his last name?
[ Antoine Roccamora ]


I've often wondered if Marvin's shooting was accidental.


My wife's computer screen....

Ones of my very own....


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