About Me

My photo
I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

TUESDAY'S CATHOLICON 10/2/12


As most of you may remember, I screwed numbered brass tags all over America during an extended road trip.
Now I've run across another public artist who does the same thing with his homemade sticker.
Well played, sir. Well played.

I overheard a conversation between my wife and her friend. The friend asked, "How many husbands have you had?"
And my wife asked, "You mean apart from my own?"
(that was a lie)


The phrase "turned up missing" has always bothered me. How can you turn up if you are missing?
Then a art rental company claims "You can even take a full size or above." Is there an over-full size?
"Hand-painted" has bugged me since I was a child. I mean, what is the alternative? Foot-painted?
(now I'm smiling thinking of the guy who painted portraits with his dick....even though he held his dick with his hands)



Nowadays a child-sized soda is roughly the size of a two-year-old child if the child were liquefied. 
(did you know liquefied was spelled that way? I didn't. I guess I should have called my friend, Mel....who knows eeeeeeeevery fucking thing)

Wow!

Did you know that Chap Stick is good for paper cuts? They say it will stop the pain, too.



I was sitting at an outdoor table when I heard a young guy tell his girlfriend, "I want to taste you."
That was either kind of sexy or scary as fucking shit.



I DO NOT shit behind my garage!


I pay about 30%.
People who make slight less than me pay nothing.
People making less than that get money sent to them...free.
Then I look at the people at the top and I want them to pay more.....much, much more.

Thought if free.


It was stated that if you put a cob of dried popping corn in a microwave this would happen. I see no reason to doubt it....

I so want a bumper sticker that says:
HONK IF YOU'VE NEVER SEEN
A GUN FIRED OUT A DRIVER'S
SIDE WINDOW.


Same names, indeed....
My wife calls hers her little Chinese friend.

I like this very much.
For you people who see nothing of merit in the above, I ask you to think about music. It's just sounds. If you are familiar with music, you can detect good from bad (I'm talking bad or good note execution here...not genre). But if you have studied art all of your life, you can detect the beauty of the shapes, color, textures and composition, etc in the same way and let it create a mood...a journey.

This could also be applied to national debt.....

After a big game, my buddy the rugby player had to have a tooth removed.......from his thigh.


I have no idea what this means...I just thought his use of capitals were unique....

Never beat off when you have to pee badly.


The very first "golf cart", 1916.....

What if disabled access is a Dalek conspiracy?



Being popular on Facebook is like sitting at the cool table in the cafeteria at a mental hospital.


Hiroshima: before and after....

Doing things my way is the same as the wrong way....only faster and with more alcohol.


Here's a sketch of my birdfeeder. Yeah, I live in a rough neighborhood....
 Want more proof....

If I ever have a sidewalk or driveway poured, I'm going to do the shit out of this....

Every time you are able to find some humor in a difficult situation, you win.
True.


This bothers me a lot more than it should....

This is the way I look when someone makes a joke about my wife's stupidity....

This is the way I look when someone makes a joke about my stupidity....

Well, I would certainly hope the so!!!
Just thinking about her big ass turd oozing out of her navel is enough to ruin my whole fucking day!
There was so very much wrong with that picture....sorry.

A lot of Log Cabin Republicans have had their Log Cabins foreclosed.

NOTE TO SELF: Never again kiss a stranger's baby while it's breastfeeding.


This man is a true hero of the world and not one statue of him in the US....

Went to the dentist the other day; he said, "Now we've come to the part where you lie about your flossing."


Just Samuel Clemens and Tesla fucking around in the lab...

"Don't put that in your mouth, honey. You never know where it's been."

I think everybody has that person that they hate for no reason.



I say "Ouch" before I'm even sure it hurt...just in case.



The problem with being a good listener is that people want to tell you stuff.



Giraffes are the only mammals in the world that don't yawn.



Damn! I mean....DAMN, GIRL! 
What the fuck is your daily calorie intake.......

Now the motherfuckers can fly!!
We're fucked!

Every man has aimed at the bubbles formed by his urine stream.


I also like to incorporate architectural details in my murals....

I straight up have no idea how porcupines fuck each other.



There are a whole bunch of people on the internet who take their fonts very, very seriously....

Seen my share of Oktoberfests and it's true...those fucking Germans go hog wild...
Then they sleep it off.....right where they all....

I can't help it, but every time I come across a haiku, I count the syllables. 



This soooooo sounds like a hoax, but IT WORKS. FUCKING TRY IT!!!!
We all have an eye preference...use the "good" eye and it works every time....or at least it does for me.



Now you're just showing off....

Do. Want.
I have special things planned for that image. To be frank, I'm going to down right steal it and plaster it all over Canada when we take our roadtrip.

Written in stone....

Sometimes when my daughters were under foot, I would tell them to go do something they hated....explaining that being miserable builds character.


I heard an interview with this guy. He's got nothing against lesbians, he just wants grandchildren.
I know the feeling.

Lt. Custer and Union Troops, 1862....
There is a whole bunch of awesome in that photograph, folks.

I smiled at this the second time around...

The problem with Schrodinger's Cat Theory is that first you have to get the cat into the box.



Photo of astronaut's family on moon....about as awesome as it gets....

This is the Red Baron....
He was one bad ass motherfucker, and from the looks of it, so was his dog.

(it was made like a walkway with large stones lining it and smaller, lighter colored stones filling in between. The above, I believe, was recreated to make it show up better)

If I had this job, I would never need another laxative....

Me + Public Transportation = No.....

Peanuts....trees....I don't think so....

Know who this vixen is?
 Betty White.

It's a cruel, cruel world...

I had no idea....


When I look at my young friends I just hope their college memories last as long as their student loan payments.
I guess because I am old and already made all the mistakes, I get many young me asking me for advice. Like the other night, a guy asked, "How's the best way to ask a girl out?"
I shrugged and said, "Simple. You just open the door and say, 'Get out. You are bothering me.'"


The very last photo....

Every time my caller ID shows no return number, I sometimes answer with, "Charlie's whore house. You got the dough, we got the ho."
Other times I say, "Local sperm bank. You jack it, we pack it. How may I help you?"


Tsar before being introduce to marijuana......
Tsar after being introduced to marijuana....

Oh, look, she's got a sister....
They've found an almost identical copy of the lady dating from the same period.


No comments:

Random Post

Random Posts Widget

Blog Archive