About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012


There is a website or Facebook account about families in NJ who need help with Christmas. My wife and I adopted a family of four who have been living in their car since the storm...still...and their No. 1 item on their wish list was a gift card for groceries.
This family lost their home. They lost where they worked. They have no great savings to fall back on and no family in a position to assist. What, exactly, would you do under those circumstances? Think about it. What would you do?

This main stream media...yeah, it's about like this.

Israel shooting down a rocket...
I read earlier that this "iron dome" only shot down about two-thirds of the rockets coming it. I thought that was not very good.
But today I learned that the system is so fucking good, it can discern where the rocket will hit and ONLY shoots down the ones destined for populated areas. That is impressive.

Again, my jury is still out, but what would, say, Canada do if Iceland began to lob rockets into Canada?

So sad America ranks 29th in the world in math. But at least we're still in the top 10.

I have a friend who calls anal sex "Getting a scholarship to Brown."

Every now and then I just need to sit back with an ice cold Bud Light, crank up the Rolling Stones and play with my nipples.

This cord stays erect due to the tension in the plastic strips...

Shouldn't it be "ToysAreWe"?

When I hear someone say something about the luck of the Irish, I ask them if they have ever read a history book.

It's hard to beat a smiling half naked beautiful young woman...

How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on.

Had we been born elsewhere...

Great. My book ran out of batteries.

Stupid future.

Got any idea what this is?
 19th century breast pump.

Speaking of...the bra department is the only place you fail if you get an A.

This is not a bad decision. If you've got to flat out guess, then go with the odds...

According to chemistry, whiskey is technically a solution.

My take: What the fuck are these people supposed to do when it's dark 24 hours a day, 56 below zero and you never know when the very land itself is going to spew hot steam on you?

Girls just want to have fun.

Women just want to have funds.

I just finished the Internet. What a great read.

I hope they make another one.

This reminds me of Sam the Clam. If you don't know who that it, remind me to tell you sometimes...it's a hell of a story...

Live today like it's your last day.

Use a condom just in case it isn't.

You remember the story about my wife going to her great-niece's wedding.....at the trailer....with fried chicken...and a grill and keg...and the long white dress and veil even though the bride had lived with the guy since she was 12?
Well, that picture reminded me of the whole redneck debacle.
TRUE: This bible saved a soldier's life...and is kept at a church as evidence of god's supreme power.
TRUE: All of the fuck books, cook books, S&M costumes, and crude flesh-light that saved lives were somehow lost in the dust bins of history....probably at the request of the family.

It really disappointed me that a group of squid is not called a squad.

Girls are never wrong.

Until they are.
Then they cry and are, somehow, not wrong again.

Growing up I feared my big dick would pose problems.


Everybody makes up their own language when they touch something extremely hot.

(think about that a minute)

Running away doesn't help you with your problems, unless you're fat. Then, yeah, run.

Can we assume he must have an even number of passengers at all times?

Hear your name but don't know who called it...

Well, I guess my Google images coughing post has some legs...

TRUE: I have dreamed (literally...like in my sleep) of being able to do this even before I knew it was possible...

Guns don't kill people. Bullets kill people.
Guns just get the bullets going really, really fast.


They say 1 out of 3 people cheat in a relationship.
I'm not sure if it's my wife or my girlfriend.

I post a lot of riot images...just preparing you for the future...

If they ever made an alcoholic drink that tastes like a burrito, I'd be dead in 5 days.

How hot is it?

Can you imagine how awesome domestic violence would be if everyone knew martial arts?

I think this is where the man has stood meditating every day of his life...

I don't deal with cold weather very well. Under 50 degrees and I'm on vibrate mode.

Shit you don't see everyday...

They can't all be gems OOMVO....

Remember when you used to eat cereal (before all the handheld devices) and the cereal box automatically became interesting reading?

The problem with Americans is, they eat at Thanksgiving level all year long.
 I know you may not believe me, but I would love to sit down and talk to this guy. I bet he's got a hell of a story...

I can't tell you how much porn I've watched that started with this exact same scene...and I will guarantee you there is a large couch in the room...leather....black...

"I don't like being handed things."


Oh, you think unions help the economy?

Have a Twinkie.

To repeat:  What, exactly, do you think the US would do if Cubans started firing rockets into, say, Miami?

Brace yourself. The keep Christ in Christmas posts are coming.


I was going to stick this in my OOMVO folder for later captioning, but felt it could stand on it's own, thank you very much...
If nothing else, ponder the textures. This, Gentle Readers, has everything fine photographer needs to earn a capital A. 

If quitters never win and winners never quit, then what fool said, Quit while you're ahead?

We've all had days like this...haven't we...

There's another vagina joke in here someplace....

Say what you like about Asian drivers, but they're nowhere near as bad as Muslim pilots.

Speaking of irony...you can get hammered on screwdrivers.

 Read of a proposal to make electric cars that would "refill" at solar powered stations. Anyone buying the car would get free refills.

I read about this guy. Used to steal, rob, beat people up and the whole town was afraid of him. Then...

This is the way I look when I meet someone with a glass eye and I'm not sure which it is...

It's time to face reality. All the good things in life belong to someone else.

The only politician I trust...

This flag is made of tens of thousands of...
 ...tiny army men.

How to lose and look like a fool simultaneously...

Bill Clinton has asked Paula Broadwell to write his biography.



Anonymous said...

"It's hard to beat a smiling half naked beautiful young woman..."

True...unless she really pissed you off.

mike harris said...

Spain publishes more books every year than the entire Arab world.[Spain is medium level in this in Europe]. Muslims don't read.

Ralph Henry said...

Oh, they read often, but only one book...over and over and over and over...

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