About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Monday, December 3, 2012

MONDAY


NEW ART IN THE OFFING....

First I bought a heavy duty tape dispenser...real heavy duty. It was made to have a water reservoir to wet paper tape, which means it's got a bunch of wheels and shit that you thread the tape around.
I cut a dowel that will fit in the dispenser perfectly, but when I began to wrap the dollar bills around it, I soon realized I needed help keeping them even. So I got a board and drilled a hole in the middle.
 The dowel fits in the hole and when I wind the bills on the dowel they are flush with the surface...

This is how much I have wound so far...about an inch and a half...six inches to go....
 Here you can see all the front and back rollers over which the thread of bills will go...
I've decided not to count how many bills I use. Frankly, I don't give a shit and further, I somebody really wanted to know, I could just make up a number and they would be none the wiser.

*******************
Alabama/Georgia game, Georgia throws interception which turns it into a running play which means the QB can be blocked...which he was.
 The problem is it's helmet to helmet on a unsuspecting player and the Alabama player will probably miss the bowl game....that's the way players get killed.

My wife bought me a new T-shirt. When I saw it I said, "Holy fucking shit!"


I like this enough to post it again...
I bet the inner working of that thing has enough I-beams to build a skyscraper.

The problem, of course, is that we don't practice capitalism. We have a favored class as surely as the tsars.



How fucking true.

TRUE: In the newspaper this morning:
The inexperienced contractor operating the MQ-9 Reaper drone by remote control in shorts and a T-shirt from a trailer took off without permission from the control tower, then yanked the wrong lever at his console killing the engine without realizing why, then tried to make an emergency landing, but forgot to put down the wheels. The $8.9 million aircraft belly-flopped on the runway, bounced and then plunged into the water.
(I want his fucking job.)
Speaking of...

Shit you don't see everyday....

Seriously, I don't get it. Anybody?


Want to know what marriage is like....

I find this funny as shit...


"Your bull must smell my bull."
BRAHAHAHAHA!!!

This man likes to wear his ex's wedding dress while doing manly stuff...

Back when I tried every fucking thing I could think of, I'm surprised I never thought of this...

You think this is to somehow slow the train down?

Is this true?

Well, don't we all?...

I would worry very much if my teen didn't look at porn...



This is what I look like when one of you lazy bastards posts a comment...

FINALLY!!

This guy has a rather unique hobby...

See anything....odd about this?
 His eyes are covered, but reflection shows who he is.

Had we been born elsewhere...

Back to burger flipping for you, young lady...

Shit you don't see everyday...

Can't quite decide if this is a good idea or not...

This woman's undoctored photo was removed from FaceBook because her elbows looked like breasts. This doctored image adds nipple...

You learn something new every day...

Whoa....Dude!

I visit several sites about arrests and hands down Florida has the weirdest....


Women who get hammered are more likely to get nailed.

Mars...

Mozart's music is noteworthy.

(note worthy)

I don't always do housework, but when I do I make damn sure my wife fucking knows about it.



Any word sounds weird if you say it a hundred times in a row. Try it....it starts getting freaky around 23 or so...



Yes, these are real heads...

My wife told me I couldn't use the word midget because it was "worse than the n-word."

First off...No, it's not.
If you're comparing the badness of two words and you won't even say one of them, that's the worse word.
Anyway, now I call them Halfrican Americans.


"I live in the city because of the convenience of the buses and subways....and the culture....but mostly buses...

Really big patterns stomped into snow...

Oh, look, they put a house on the horizon so it's not so depressing...

Ask your doctor if getting off your ass is right for you.



Reminds me of that display that comes up when you win a computer card game...

The best marriages are built on a solid foundation of sarcasm, laughter, and a dislike of the same people.




Everyone hates lawyers...until they need one.



My bartender has a world map opposite his commode...

How come know-it-alls don't know how annoying they are?



"I regret about ninety percent of the things I've said drunk."



I'm uncomfortable being aroused by that picture.



My wife's favorite activity is pretending she can sing.
.
.

I find it interesting that this doesn't fuck with you until you scroll...

Saturn's North Pole...

Norway combat warrior...

Take your car with you on yacht...

Guy ordered a Tesla Electric Car in 2009, just delivered...
You really ought to research the Tesla. The concept is to buy the car and get it recharged free at solar powered stations on interstates. I would suggest filling the millions of square miles of median with solar panels, that way you don't have to buy the land.
When this idea was broached, my son-in-law began a lengthy explanation of who Nicholas Testla was. I but smiled, then my daughter tugged on his sleeve and said, "My father knows who Tesla is."
I held up a fist and said, "Tesla." Then I held up the other fist and said, "Edison."
I then smacked the fists together and said, "Tesla won."

This image begs for a short story to accompany it...

And the queen said, "They said Mr. Ghillie would be here. I don't see him."
I find his shined boots counterproductive to stealth.

ONES OF MY VERY OWN....











4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Your wife has good taste in t-shirts. You should start referring to yourself as The Dude.

Ralph Henry said...

I'm comfortable with The Old Man, thank you.

Anonymous said...

I'm really digging the money dispenser. Aren't those already all over D.C. though? As far as the mid twenties break down... I think it has more to do with CAPITALISM and i really like that poster. Lastly I only left this comment because you called us readers lazy bastards, and I hope it cheers you up like the guy above the Weener Kleener Soap. Cheers Ralph.

A former muralist with the great Ralph... Andrew

Ralph Henry said...

I was wondering how many readers would "get" the lazy bastard reference. I must admit, even though I try not to, I get excited when I see a reader cared enough to give me their opinion.
Thanks and you can be on my crew anytime.

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