About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

WEDNESDAY



Prologue: Shit's happening and I don't have time to proofread all this post. Be kind.

GROUPTHINK
There seems to be some misunderstandings concerning my approach to choices in life, so let me be clear.
I reject any "requirement" placed on me that I deem unnecessary, too expensive, foolish, illogical, and/or requiring too much time...among other criteria that I can't think of right now.
So how do I decide if I am to do this or that?
I ask myself questions.
Why do I have to drive on the right side of the road? So I don't run into other drivers. Okay.
Why do I wear shirts with two pockets with button flaps? So I can carry my shit and it won't fall out when I lean over. Okay.
Why should I wear a tie? To look like the group that I want to belong to. Not Okay.
Why do I splash on chemicals to cover my natural smell? I have no idea. Not Okay.
Why did I wear a football helmet just like the other players? So I don't get hurt and so my teammates can recognize me down the field. Okay.
Why did my wife wear ballet shoes? So she could stand on her toes. Okay.
Why do I have to tuck my shirt in? I could get fired from my job because my ruling class is made up of only adherents of Groupthink. Okay, cause I really need the money.
Why do I tuck my shirt in if I'm retired? I have no idea. Not okay.
Shave my balls cause your buddies do it? I don't think so. And if your girlfriend likes your balls shaved...get a new girlfriend.
And don't get me started if I were a woman...Paint face, dye hair, alter nails, shave, oh, everything, smell like some chemicals some guy named Phil dreamed up in a laboratory, etc, etc, etc, etc. You have got to be kidding. Girls, why did you listen to the people who told you that you are not good enough when all of these people stand to make money off your disappointment?

Do I do illogical Groupthink things? Probably. I keep looking, though, and when I detect it I will eradicate it.

"Taste" is something I've never really understood, but I know that if I gave myself up to Groupthink (for no reason), then I'm admitting that the people I hang out with would think less of me if I didn't follow their rules. Well, I don't like rules...unless I make them myself or they make sense to me. 
Things all have functions, whether we know them or not. The functions of many of the thing we do, buy, and wear are invented by people we've never met for reasons we don't even know. 
I like to imagine that I go into a coma and wake up in 50 years all better. That first day that I am to leave the hospital, the nurse says, "Here, put this colander on your head." I say, "Why would I do that?" And she would say, "Everybody's doing it now. Don't ask questions, just put the damn thing on your head like everybody else or everyone will think you are weird." I say, "But they are the ones being weird!" 
I am then medicated and forced to don the colander.....just. Like. Everyone. Else.
And the art drained from my being...substituted with the all powerful Groupthink.

And lastly, do I do illogical things?
OF COURSE! I make fucking sculpture out of fucking money for goodness sake!! But nobody tells me how and nobody tells me why...cause they have no idea why I would do such a thing. And I like it that way.



NEWS UPDATES

Couple that lived here settled for $43K and moved...

Well, I was dead on again...shoes gone and he looks zonked...

Yeah, I'm rewriting all the history books for this...


AND NOT OUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED STUFF


This is a young Sean Connery. I'm not gay, but if I was...

My wife has a habit of turning around and engaging little children in the booth behind her. Tonight she was cooing and shit at some fat kid and I said, (loud enough for the parents to hear) "Honey, remember what the judge said in the restraining order." There was a very awkward pause before we all laughed.



I've run across this exact image a dozen times today and still have no idea why it's funny....supposed to be funny...

A chair is like a bench for one person.



I hate to ask a person a question and have them say, "That's a good question."

I mean, "What is the nature of time" is a good question. "What keeps things apart in a perfect vacuum?" is a good question. "Who do you think will win tonight's game," is just a mundane inquiry.


I also hate it when people always preface their remarks with, "This is a true story." 

Who gives a shit?! There are no rules that say you can't tell a story if it's bullshit. A story is just a story...truthfulness doesn't matter....as long as it's entertaining.


I find it interesting that most if not all of the people on TV talking about getting rid of all the weapons in the home live in very, very safe neighborhood.

I live in a relatively safe neighborhood, but there is an iffy part only a couple of blocks away. Me without a weapon would be the same as surrender to me.

 (Allow us to translate (I speak fluent Sad Person): "Babe caught me sleeping." But what she really means is "I caught myself lying about having a boyfriend and then uploaded the evidence to a social media site)



Canadian bathroom graffiti...

Infinity is bigger than you think.
(I'm sorry, but that was one of the funniest things I've written all year)

Clever...
(did you notice how he fucked it up and put left twice?)

Have fun with this...

But his weaponry is impressive...



I keep thinking that's John Candy in the costume...

How greedy can a motherfucker be?


Dude, that's fucked up...not all midgets are racists. 

This is old as the sun, but still challenging...

NOTE: I thought I had invented the white font to hide the answer.....oh, well.
I placed the answer at the end since I found out you guys on cell phones have a problem with highlighting.

I agree...


I wish I had business cards like this...

It was stated that this is true...

Nice...

This motherfucker better not just suck my dick, but swallow and thank me afterwards....

See anything odd about this image?
 Check out the clip holding him to the chute.

Some shit from the shooting of Walking Dead...remember bored back to death?
And here is one of the towns they took over for the movie...
This guy is doing what I've done on movie sets. He simply covers ever sign with a temporary...very temporary, 1/4" plywood substitute that is screwed, taped, tied or leaned against the original...

Move to the city, they said. There's so many things to see there, they said....
Just one of those things you do when you're under the control of Satan.

I have to admit that the dinner table "Day O" skit was a fucking hoot...

Public Service Announcement #354....
It's called physics, dude....learn it.

Ever seen the documentary about how they filmed this thing? You should look it up...

This cartoonist must have been in a meeting with me...

Visible lasers control pedestrians...

Never trust a man who drinks Scotch that is old enough to order its own Scotch.


This guy adds a whole new meaning to the word "Womanizer"....
And I hate to say it, but this motherfucker is an attractive older woman!!

There is serious (this time) discussion about substituting a dollar coin for the dollar bill. Would save a fortune. All other major countries have already done it, but we've been stymied because...get this..."American men don't like walking around with coins in their pockets." What kind of logical excuse is that? Then get fucking use to it, you whining pricks!

Keep Christ in Christmas profanity.


OOMVO...

Can you even imagine having to put your child in one of these so he doesn't die? Think of the terror...every fucking night...

Tonight at the bar, the subject of distractions was breached and my bartender (more animated than I have ever seen him) began to rant about how when he is really, really concentrating on a video game...(and he held an imaginary controller and contorted his face) and a fucking moth flies in between him and the screen and it so distracts him (by now he's screaming) and he gets killed, and then he goes on a bug killing spree with a can of spray in one hand and a rolled up newspaper in the other!!!!!
The bar was quiet. Then I said, "Well, everybody needs a little passion in their lives."
I know a whole bunch of men who spend a whole bunch of time on video games. Just seems a little childish to me....but what do I know.


Smiling. Balls of fucking steel....


OOMVO...
Wonderful idea, Kneegrow.

Treasure Chest cooler....just take my fucking money now...

I would have never thought of this. 

How clever....

This reminds me of Apollo 13, where the engineers had to figure out the air purifier from one craft to fit the other craft...

OOMVO...

Foucault's Pendulum. I saw one in Washington, DC that was hung from the top of a dome and hung down for a hundred feet or so. It was filled with sand and a tiny bit leaked out as it swung.
I was told that the rotation of the earth caused it to do this, but still am not sure.
Here's another. It draws vaginas.

OOMVO....

I hate these advice pics that are everywhere, but I will state again, I never understood miserable people. Think of the options we are afforded and they opt for only the one they have. Pity, that.


Another reason I am going to hell...

I saw some girl texting and driving the other day and it pissed me off so much I threw my beer at her.



HOLY FUCKING SHIT, YA'LL!!!!

Anybody got any idea what this is made of? I don't have a clue...
I think it's painted props to look like marble...but I could be wrong.
Physics. Learn it.

Why....WHY would someone allowed themselves to be filmed doing this?

Solution to riddle....


1 comment:

Jambe said...

Nobody "understands" taste anymore than anybody understands the meaning of life or love or other such abstractions. It's in the doing...

Why do ballet dancers stand on their toes? Because thousands of people before them did. It's interesting that you rationalize the ballet shoe and reject the tie when they are exactly as irrational and frivolous. I'd wager it's because you associate suits with corporatism and the sort of slavish consumerism of the modern west, whereas you associate ballet with beauty and loved ones. There's certainly merit there, but it doesn't mean ties are inherently less illogical than ballet slippers.

Self-styled iconoclasts tend to develop a pretty hefty sense of self, as exemplified in your post by the "nobody tells me how and nobody tells me why" line. I'm certainly not privy to your consciousness, but it's a fact that you don't exist in a vacuum and that you didn't learn every skill you have of your own accord. We stand, as the saying goes, on the shoulders of giants.

Again, I'm not saying there's something fundamentally wrong with your perspective (or mine). I'm a moral nihilist when it comes to such abstract ideas. Just bsing a bit. I tend toward the social/group whereas you seem to tend toward the internal/individual, at least wrt evaluating clothing trends!

---

wrt the sculpture: I was gonna say cold-cast or bonded synthetic marble (which can be convincing in terms of look and heft) but a Google image search produces Thom Puckey's site, where that sculpture is featured in higher resolution. It's real marble, and he has other works in a similar theme. Neat shit, hadn't seen it before.

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