FOLIO OLIO: MONDAY #1410

I am seldom left speechless, but I had a grown man tell me that sometimes when he's cleaning the kitty litter, he pretends he's panning for gold.

Did you ever wonder how the barbarians were able to conquer Rome? Well, they tore down sections of the aqueducts, leaving Rome with no water...

Being from a country that is barely 200 years old, it's difficult to imagine walking down a street that is thousands of years old...

When all else fails...hug the dog.

I think most of the misery in peoples' lives are due to them being stupid (by choice) and making bad decisions.

Imagine if instead of your nose, your dick grew every time you lied.

When "having a crush on you" takes on a whole nother meaning...

This is an emergency light that works on any sized battery...

WARNING: Five Star College Ruled notebook paper is not a smart alternative to toilet paper.

You ever jerked off so much that your penis just seems to give up and instead of the normal "payload", all that comes out is a flag that says "bang"?

Don't you just hate those men who are so good looking that if they dropped the soap in the prison shower, everyone else would bend over.

My nukes were called AIM for Air Intercept Missiles...

The Rosetta Stone....I mean, damn...

Getting older is like a walk in the park.....where nobody has bothered to pick up after their dogs.

The first viral image of 2013...

SUPPOSED TO BE TRUE: There are only 2 countries in the entire world that do not sell Coca-Cola...North Korea and Cuba.

I find it interesting that the guy in the white hat is clean shaven...as are those other two. So you are, more or less, dying and decide to eat your dead friends, but you have the wherewithal to shave????

You are a cruel human bean.

This is me standing at the door, key in hand, trying to come up with a good excuse about why I am late and didn't call the wife....and how my car ended up half on and half off the driveway...

He said that this was a form of therapy for him....

A little confused here. All the power (compressed air) nailers that I've seen have a nail head that looks like a three-quarter moon. This nail head is round.

These wooden panels are cut in relief for ocean depth...

They are cool as shit, but look at the promo...

First, how can it be laser (machine) cut AND hand crafted?
Second, "Heirloom" and "Masterpiece" are some heavy-fucking-duty words to use on a fucking map.

Oh, look, here's my buddy, Mel, when he was deployed to Spain as a "cultural attache'"...if you know what I mean...

Awful ad placement...

TRUE I THINK: There is supporting evidence that the increase in autism diagnoses is just that - an increase in diagnoses, not an increase in incidence.

Okay. Everybody is entitled to their own guess...we're all in this together...

Orange rhymes with Sporange....look it up, Bruce.

I think if an alien space ship landed on the Mall in Washington, I would just smile. Besides all the problems, I feel certain there are civilizations out there that are so advanced they have figured out how to get here.

Is there a one point score in football?
Yes, there is. A field goal attempt is blocked and recovered in the end zone by the defending team and it's a one point safety. It happened last week...only the second time in NCAA history.

I would suspect that at full speed this thing is moving too fast to see....

Speaking of football, during the first Super Bowl in 1967, NBC was still in commercial when the second half kicked off. Officials asked the packers to kick off again.

I told a man at a bar one time about the amazing photo of sun rise on Mars and he said, "I never knew Mars had a sun."
Thank you NEA.

TRUE: Yesterday I found myself seated at a bar with two other men, one of them my plumber. As a joke I asked him if he could install PVC pipe in front of every stool so we could just pee without having to get up. We laughed and then my other friend said, "When I was in Juarez, Mexico on a drug run, there was a tile bar that had a trough down behind the footrest, but it was for puking only."
I said, "Are you telling me that there was a sign that said, Only Puking In Trough?"
He said, "Well, if you must know, after the first motherfucker who pissed in it got hit over the head with a blackjack and thrown out on the street, you got the message real quick."
We were quiet for a beat or two, the he said, "That was the first time I ever went to the donkey room."
I said, "One time watching a woman getting fucked by a donkey wasn't enough, so you went back?"
He screwed up his face and said, "What the fuck else is there to do in Juarez, Mexico?!?"
I agreed he had a point there.

How very, very clever...

The chances that a thoroughly shuffled deck of cards has never been in that exact order before is just about 100%.

TRUE, I SWEAR: In the USAToday on Friday, there was a small headline that said, "10% of Virginia lawyers are below average."
Think about that a moment.

For every man...