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I'm an artist, an educator,,and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like beer...but I love my wife. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while.

Friday, February 1, 2013

FRIDAY #1432

When washing windows, squeegee vertically outside and horizontally inside, that way you will know which side the streaks are on.

If you want to safely pick up a prostitute, always ask that you want to take nude pics of her only. It is not illegal and an undercover cop would never agree.

Senility, because screaming at pigeons when you're 32 just seems weird.

My new watch works just like clockwork.

It's call Bull Leaping and it's been around for a long, long time.

There is a baguette thing going around. Don't know why...

This is not a B1 bomber. The B1 is a big ass bomber that will go very, very fast. I just found out that during Gulf War I, they flew B1 bombers at about mach 3 this far off the ground over enemy troop concentrations. You don't want to know the results...

Think of the laundry this gal could haul upstairs at once...

Some people believe that cheap toilet paper is adequate. Do not shake hands with these people.

Hydrogen, Time.

Shit like this blows my fucking mind...

So, why aren't all of ours?

This is Audie Murphy. He is a hero.

A bald eagle lunching...

If you don't eat your meat, you can't have any pudding.
- The Wall

Don't let the idiots ruin your day. Seriously. Take a deep breath. Reach down and touch your dick.
You're welcome.

I don't know karate, but I do know crazy, and I'm not afraid to use it.

This Frenchman does not look like he is liable to give up any time soon...

I'm pretty sure I'm going to be one of those senior citizens who bites everyone.

I would give this man some money....

I saw a bunch of pics of famous people and their dogs. It distressed me that most of them were deformed like this one. As I understand it, this dog is doomed to a lifetime of sinus and other problems....all because we think they are cute...

Can't. Stop. Looking...

My back went out the other day. Been sleeping in the Lazy Boy every night. I found this humorous...

We have thousands of nuclear weapons to fight these people. Go figure...

You get what anybody gets...you get a lifetime.

I do not get off over fireworks. I do, however, love to mock the oooohs, aaaaaahs and whoas of the crowd and they always....ALWAYS detect my mockery. Think about the subtle different is a genuine aaah and a mock aaah and...well, I'm impressed.

I can't watch porn with a storyline because I get too invested and end up worrying about the delivery man losing his job for taking so long.

Orgasm face....
Sometimes when I meet a woman, I try to imagine her orgasm face.

"Suck my dick."
- Albert Einstein
(come on, he probably said it at least once)

Rolling 5 the hard way...

Somebody told me that a roadrunner's top speed is 20 mph, while the coyote can reach speeds of up to 43 mph.
If true, then my whole childhood was a big lie.

Did you know that one of the easiest ways to break in a building is through the roof? Plus, no one can see you while you come and go...

Sea foam...

I smile when I think that every woman who has ever lived has done this at least once. Ewwwwww!

Had someone told me that my daughter had been caught smoking pot, I would have asked if it was good stuff and how much did she pay.

Speaking of daughters...

(did you notice the boob segue?)



Anonymous said...

It's not hard to imagine the effect of low flying aircraft on enemy troops after seeing how fast that seagull dropped out of the sky at the beginning of your clip!

Anonymous said...

I was wondering what that was that fell. It looked larger than a seagull though.


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