About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

WEDNESDAY #1448





Kiefer Sutherland has a twin.


Practice makes perfect....
 Speaking of....this is a pencil sharpener thing that will turn many fruits and vegetables into a penis....

When I was young, my parents used to encourage me to run away, going so far as to bankroll my bus tickets.


Worth another look...

When I was a teenager, I made a fortune carving leather. I can still name the tools stamped into the leather for each effect...

The Iranians have been caught again. The bottom photo was supposed to show their new fighter jet. But then someone found the top image....they are identical. Just look at the cloud formation in the upper right...

I once asked you to make a list of things you have yet to stick your dick in. Now it's time to make a list of things you shouldn't stick your dick in. This was number one on my list...

I got into a discussion at a bar about people getting arrested for holding up their middle finger or cursing at someone. I showed them that holding up any other finger or combination of fingers was perfectly okay. The I can be denied my freedom for a sound that comes out of my mouth...fuck. But fick, feck, fack, and fock are okay, which really means that it's the "u" sound that is forbidden.
The bartender said that was why he makes up his own curse word, like slump, as in "Slump you, you mother slumper!"
I found him very clever.



My newest friend, baby Max, got busted for stealing a small blanket from the Baby Shop. Not even a year old and he's already taking after me.



1000 words...

Can you use 7 curse words in a sentence and it still make sense?


The plan is to use lunar soil to protect the settlers...


Carved pencils...


This is a still of a video that shows a coin rolling on a treadmill. They expect me to watch it for over an hour. Yeah, right...


I'll bet you money you don't find what is odd about this horse...
 Answer at the end.

 Now they can stop light. It has to do with a very, very cold chamber where the light is stopped in it's tracks, then released to continue.

My wife with one of our dearest friends, Lawrence...

Sorry this is so small (you may click to enlarge), but it's worth the read...

International Condom Day has a video on Youtube that features people from all over the world. At around 2 minutes 38 seconds there is my dear wife dancing...

TRUE: I have never owned a vehicle with power windows.



TRUE: I have never tipped a doorman.


The artwork on the wall is called "The Kiss"...
Did you notice the clothes on the line in one apartment, suggesting it's still in use.

TRUE: I have never lost a bet with a bookie.


Polar bear playing with his lunch...

Ever wonder where we got the dollar sign?
 Well, it was a combination of the two columns and the scroll on the Spanish coins...


I then there ought to be an adult section in the library where porn sites can't be seen by children...

How come when Al Roker shits in his pants he gets in the paper, then when I do it all I get is chased out of Walmart with Febreeze and a mop?


This is the inside of a private jet...

A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.



My friend, Kent, reads latin. I wonder if he can translate the bottom caption...


And it never caught on...
 Jay Leno owns one of the few remaining Baker Electrics...

Note the bitch in the striped skirt just stand there the whole fucking time...

During Lent I always congratulate my Catholic friends on having something on their forehead that wasn't drawn while they were passed out drunk.


Two of my very own...

The name for the string of symbols used to replace swear words in comics is called a "grawlix"
I don't know why.


This is the way I look when my wife and I wake up at the same time and I've got morning wood...

I sure wish I had the story behind this...

I just learned that the rich people in the top of the stadium get to drink, which us poor people down below can not.
It's real hard not to hate rich people.



TRUE: In China, it is against the law to reincarnate without government permission.


I've seen this happen to countless fleeing felons, but this is a first...

Why is it always black people who do this shit?

WARNING: I have a friend who took some gold jewelry in to sell. Unhappy with the first quote, she went to several more. The low offer was $800 and she sold for $1500. So be careful out there, boys and girls.



I would love to know how much money is wasted on Pell Grants. I think giving poor kids help with tuition is a good thing, but would think if most of them don't graduate, then you methodology of selection is fucked.



My wife introduced me to two of her lesbian friends and I began a scissors joke but my wife told me to cut it out.


What a great idea...

The spots on the horse above spell horse.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

What the hell is that scary lake monster that you shouldn't stick your dick in?

Ralph Henry said...

I don't know, but I think we can all agree that something need not be named in order to know one's dick should not be shoved in it.

Jambe said...

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lamprey

^^^ sucker-monsters

Robin said...

The Latin phrase translates roughly as 'fraud harmful to the artist, played by harmful techniques of the art'

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