FOLIO OLIO: FAT FRIDAY POST #1485

Worth a reminding...

All vaginas are well above average.

The difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED.

"When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE.

But, when you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED.

And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!"

A manly truly dedicated to a gag...

SAID TO BE TRUE: In high school, Johnny Depp mooned his teacher.

I farted in an elevator once. At the next stop a woman got off with a nose bleed.
Slam fucking dunk!

Cartoonists have one of the hardest jobs in the world.
I have found myself disappointed with many cartoons of late. But then I think of having to come up with something funny, everyday, using the same exact format.

The eyes. They see.
(same letters)

A "racist rapist" sounds worse than a regular rapist when you first hear it, but it's actually better because less people get raped.

Yeah, and just think, it was all created just for us...

I have found myself in conversation with black people who use the term "Black people" and yet I still us the term "African-Americans". What's up with that?

Sanction can mean to allow and to punish for.
Oversight can mean to supervise and to forget.
Left can me go and stay...he left....he was left.

None of us are ever too busy not to watch a fat kid run with a backpack.

My wife likes her steaks so rare that people in India are still worshipping it.

Why does subtitles do this all the fucking time?

How to piss off four whole fan bases with one image...

Our house has a lot of classy things because my wife used to work at a classy hotel.

I live in a college town. I see shit like this every day...

My favorite is the parka worn with flip-flops.

This is what my wife looked like when she finally finished our taxes...

How could this have happened?

The cameraman never missed a beat. The camera "just happened" to be pointed at the exact spot where lightning struck.

TRUE: I was sitting next to a young woman at a bar and gave her a rough outline of the art I was making with one dollar bills.
She said, "I've been collecting $5 bills until I find one that can be folded to form a stack of pancakes."
I had no idea what she meant until I stumbled on this.

Think about this: She collects them thinking one will turn up that will work. Hmmmmmm.

I was encouraged to submit, but no thanks...

When you're old, you can get away with this.
He: "Hi, Ralph, how are you"
Me: "Better than you have ever been or ever will be."

Holy fucking shit, dude, are you happy to see me or is that a fucking steering column in your pants?!?!"

This man stole a purse and tried to make a getaway...

The rest of the clip showed his buddy, who was driving the car, come up and try to wake him up, but ended up leaving him in amidst some irate people. Then, unbelievably, he got up and ran off before the cops got there.
My sister once had her purse stolen. She was standing on a sidewalk at a shopping mall when a young man hit her in the back so hard it knocked her to the ground and took her purse. She was middle-aged then and had chronic back pain for the rest of her life.

This man made is own dialysis machine and it has worked for years.

He learned how to make it from the internet.

These Namibian oddities are called Fairy Circles. For years nobody had a clue as to what caused them, now it has (from what I read) been determined that they are caused by termites....

Viagra, Levitra and Cialis. Can't we stop playing with our dicks long enough to cure cancer?

That reminded me of this cartoon...

One of my very own...

It's called irony, folks, and it's a good thing...

I don't have dirty thoughts. I have unapologetically normal thoughts which happen to be intensely erotic.

Graduate or die frying...

If pigs could fly, nobody would be eating chicken wings.

These guys found something sticking out of an eroded bank....

I'm assuming they are now rich men.

?????? WTF does this mean?!?!

"So, this is the way I dress for work. Why don't I get combat pay?"

Bowling is the ideal sport. It's basically an hour of drinking beer occasionally interrupted by six seconds of exercise.

But we didn't ban shoes, you idiot!

A simulation of how that new stop bleeding gel works...

Had we been born elsewhere...

"Quit playing with your food!"

This so reminds me of a story my good friend, Kent, told me...

Many years ago his wife was getting ready for an afternoon outdoor party when she discovered that she was out of hairspray. (hair spray for those bee-hive do's they wore back then).
The woman called her friend to borrow some and was told how to make her own. It seems you can melt plain sugar, pour it in a spray bottle and it will work just fine. So, that is what she did.
After being separated at the party, the Kent and his wife finally ran into one another and Kent found that in the sunshine the sugar had become sticky. Not only that, it attracted ever moth, butterfly and even beetle within a mile. Her hair was alive with mired fauna desperately trying to free themselves from her hair.
That was true.