TUESDAY #1523

This is me in a place I seldom frequent...

 I took that one picture with my camera and the batteries went dead...go figure.
So, I got the beautician to take these of what she did to my head...

Then she cut off each mini-ponytail and I saved them in a folder...

The whole multiple ponytail thing was necessary to insure the maximum length of each group.

I plan to make something very similar to this...

Mine will be much more classy, however.

Then later in the day I went to the American Legion and had conversations with about a dozen men, and not one of them noticed that I had just cut 12" of hair. That, Gentle Reader, is the difference between men and women.

AND IN FURTHER NEWS...

Shit's going on in Turkey...a NATO ally...

...and you've probably never heard of it.

This whole IRS targeting and cover-ups of.....misjudgments doesn't surprise me in the least...

I'm not a Democrat or Republican, but rather, I detest all people with the power to conduct mischief without repercussions.

An airline was forced to make an emergency landing and a woman was arrested for......wait for it.....

...for refusing to stop singing "I will always love you."
(you can't make this shit up)

I love these sort of things...

The color is perfect.

I would like to make both left panels legal. Who am I to say a woman can't have two husbands?

Late Mother's Day thought...

A very old one of my very own that I like very much...

I dare predict that there are those among you who won't get the punchline. If not, ask someone for help.

If you are unsure if you can afford something...you can not afford it.

Glider in strong wind...

For women, marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown male child who can not be handled by his parents anymore.

Iranian space monkey...

 And every indication is that he did not volunteer.

Stupid people...can't live with them, can't let the kill themselves....oh, wait...yes we can...

Have we all lost our collective minds?

Wives...even when they're wrong, they're right.

And why? Because there are people who think that bits of his ground-up horn will make their dick get hard.
Such a fucking pity.

I bet no other inmates go near this badass motherfucker...

What was Captain Hook's name before he got the hook?

This bitch is highly motivated...

Life is trying new things to see if they work...

But don't his shoes look nice.

Why are most barns painted red? Take a guess...

 Because red paint used to be the cheapest.
Now go back and look at the very top of the wall. See that pink triangle? His ladder wasn't long enough...I've seen it a thousand times.

This would drive me insane in about six hours...

If you don't see the problem, then you are a normal person.

You know how I love maps...

Circumcision...

I don't think it should be covered with any insurance policy. It is, basically, cosmetic surgery.

We could assume that the northeast would be higher if it included the non-hospital procedures done to Jews.

Highest Paid Public Employee by state...

The case could be made that they generate more money than they are paid...in the short run.

How is it that people who are totally broke always seem to have money for hideous, new tattoos?
Or $100 nail jobs?

Not just for breakfast anymore...

I had a pretty good friend once until he offered me some of his tofu bacon. He crossed the line that time, that tree hugging bitch.

One of my very own...

The only time it's a good idea to yell, "I HAVE DIARRHEA" is while playing Scrabble.

Another one of my very own...

(too subtle?)

THREE RULES FOR LIFE:
1. Fuck.
2. Don't give a fuck.
3. Don't get fucked over.


We all need a hobby...

Of course, the dynamics suggest that if it moved the "teeth" would cut into the floor.

This is the way I look when I wake up and remember it's the day of my scheduled dental hygienist's appointment...

I've had kids and some of these tips are pretty good...

A tip for you adults:
When you loan someone your pen, keep the cap. They are far less likely to stick it in their pocket.

Men cheat on women because men are assholes.
Women cheat because men are assholes.

Sainte Chapelle....

The structure above would be impossible without the flying buttress, and I like knowing shit like that.

I've played poker with bluffers who looked just like this guy...I swear...

(Bruce will tell this to Kyle)
The man who created "Knock, knock" jokes deserves a "no-bell" prize.
(And Kyle will moan)

She got her looks from her father.
He's a plastic surgeon.

She throws like a girl...

I love the expression "A number of", because it doesn't mean anything. A number of Victoria's Secret models have expressed interest in sleeping with me. That number is zero.

I am not sexist. Sexism is wrong...and being wrong is for women.

Why, why, why does the US education system look so similar to the way it did 50 years ago? Millions of students were failing then, as they are now -- because we’re clinging to a business model that doesn’t work.

AND THEN THERE'S THIS...
In assessing all the good points about the place I live, I mentioned that the chances of being targeted during a thermo-nuclear attack was remote. Well, I got into a long conversation with my bartender about that, and he disagreed. 
Well, he looked it up.
This map is the official estimate of targets.

 Here are what the symbols mean...

The big black dots in the middle top of the map above are, of course, our silos, but look at my state...

Even in "only" a 500 warhead scenario I are fucked.
Then we talked about the safest place to be, and decided it was in southern Oregon or northern California because of the west/east prevailing winds would carry any radioactivity away from you.
The only part of the map that caused me confusion was Florida. Those Ruskies must hate retired Jews.

Here's the link if you want to view the map larger...
http://modernsurvivalblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/potential-us-nuclear-targets.gif

And just in case you would like to see a 15 minute demonstration map showing ever nuke explosion on earth...
>>>>> CLICK HERE <<<<<