WEDNESDAY #1524

NEWS

Avid reader, Scott, visited the oldest bar in Milwaukee...1850. He knew I would like the place based on the hinges alone...

 The hand-cranked register would have caused me to become sexually aroused...

The guy on the right is Hadfield, a Canadian who, while on the ISS, explained all kinds of shit that happens in zero-G. Very educational...I watched him often. Here he is in position for his return to earth...cozy, ain't it?

 I learned from him that you can't taste food very well in space. That's because without gravity the sinuses and membranes swell and you can't smell. Without smell, taste suffers.

RIP girls...

 I wonder if the doctor has them in a jar on his desk.
Seriously...would you just throw them in the dumpster?

I watched the whole film and it was indeed eerie.

Same avid reader, Scott, asked this man a question...it is a sculpture...

Impressive...

One of my bartenders who hasn't been laid since the Reagan administration, told me the story about the swing dancing club that rents the room upstairs every Monday night. One of the girls kept asking him to join them and finally he admitted, "I'm sorry, but I'm much too shy to dance in front of a bunch of people."
She replied, "Oh, it's alright. I'll do you in the corner."
He STILL didn't go upstairs.
Now you know why he masturbates more than is normal.

This is my old friend, Clark. I have often said that he is the most creative person I have ever met.

He's a sculptor turned furniture maker and he does stuff you wouldn't believe.
When I was a senior in college, I decided that I needed a bunch of exhibits to fill out my resume. So, I invented "Five Studio Arts", which billed itself as the best artists graduating from USC in five different disciplines.
I, of course, considered myself the best painter, then got Clark on board. Printmaking, Jewelry, and Pottery followed. We ended up with 10 shows in ten months, one at the largest museum in the state, where I sold every painting I hung...and I really, really needed the money.

One of my very own...

Fate is just what you call it when you don't know the name of the person screwing you over.


This may be confusing...

...but this painting used few, if any, brushes. The paint was simply squeezed from the tubes directly onto the canvas....as I understand it.

Kind of interesting...

Redneck fire alarm, one of the oldest visual gags on the internet...

The truth is like a lion. You don't have to defend it. Let it loose. It will defend itself.

God's love gave me cancer, too.

When internet people move...

I don't think you can hand over $5 for a cup of coffee and ever call it a fair trade.

Lamp powered by crop...

Whole Foods mixed up the labels on regular and vegan chicken salads. Vegans became suspicious when they experienced a fleeting moment of joy.

I'm right 98% of the time. The other 3% is when I have to solve math problems.


No.

This is an earlier post from a skating rink ad placement...

Here's the daughter of the guy who sent it to me in the hospital, her suffering from a broken arm from the same skating outing...

And that shit is true.

Speaking of hospital...
This child had some discomfort and was taken to the doctor. They all watching in horror as a 3 inch feather popped out of her face...

Remember, folks, the...gun...is...always....loaded....

I haven't picked on this lunatic for a while...

Nudity.
Who made the decision that it was no allowed? I want to meet them.

Watching a movie of a man's head exploding is acceptable, but watching two people have sex (the same sex that brought us into the world) is "Nasty".

I just don't get it.

Science working for you...

I am one stack of shit away from an episode of Hoarders.

Kiss Cam gone wrong...

(that HAD to make you smile...if not, watch it again)

This is just so very wrong...

Continental breakfast is not real breakfast.

Does this look like a healthy thing for humans to be doing on a regular basis?

Just sayin'.

I love when my wife stretches in the morning and her inner porn star moan comes out by accident.


No photoshop...mirror...

After I told my self-conscious daughter that she was fat, I saved $54 a month on groceries.


You can't throw a dead cat on line without hitting some one making some stupid comment about not giving up hope. Fuck hope.

If you are actually in charge of your life (or as in charge as is possible) then you don't need hope. You need to work your fucking ass off.

By the by, a researcher showed a whole bunch of taped responses by various people and asked his test groups which ones of them did they feel were being honest and sincere. He concluded that people who used profanity were considered most honest and sincere. 
So fuck you.