TUESDAY #1728

I would like to welcome all the new passengers on the Folio Olio Express. I have no idea why there has been such a surge in viewership, but....it makes this old man feel good.
So thanks.

From India, now available on eBay....it's for a misbehaving wife...

 ...note, bell. I bet the inventor had a lot of problems getting a date in high school.

Human civilization has never known a time when there has not been sea ice in the Arctic in summer. We appear to be approaching that time. 

Remember when I discussed the right of salvage on the sea after that container ship sank? 
And I bet these guys have no idea what's in the crate...but it belongs to them...

What if Breaking Bad was more like Brokeback Mountain?
That whole cooking while in your underwear would take on a whole new meaning.

I had the honor of sitting on a bar stool next to a MOH guy. We talked about a lot of things...his MOH was not one of them....but I did shake his hand when I left.

"Dat ass."

A relationship is like a house. If a lightbulb goes out, you don't buy a new house, you change the lightbulb.
(Unless that house is a lying whore.)

 Not sure how this all ended, but, boy, would I like to. That motherfucking alligator is STILL IN THE LAST MOTHERFUCKING PICTURE!!!!
(Does it look like her trunk is bitten off?)

What do you think this young man's motivation is? Do you think that it's creating original art? Or is he just trying to impress his friends?

I mean, is there anything he wants to teach us? Does he have a message other than "I did this"?

I'm starting to respect these more and more...

You remember that new mammal species they found in South America? I found a great recipe for it on line the other day. They say it tastes just like a new chicken species.
(I made that up)


This is not near as much fun for the fish...

Say, "I am not a rapper" and people laugh.
Say, "I am not a raper" and all the sudden everyone has doubts.
Say, "I am not a rapier" and nobody gets the point.
(I made that up)

How delightfully unusual...

How could you not try it...at least once.

If you have never smoked dope and you say, "I don't know anything about it, but the government wouldn't outlaw it unless there was a reason", then you are the fucking problem!

If I was gay, I would want to marry this guy.

It's almost as if the one on the bottom was made for humans to ride...

Have you ever shat so hard that you had to take your shirt off?

We've all read bullshit like this...

 Well.....

Fuck you, internet fact guy.

No, not even once...

I know what you're thinking...well, you fly on airplanes that go faster than that.................no......no I don't.

Nothing in the world is friendlier than a wet dog.

ShAPEspeare.

A Grand Wizard of the KKK shooting a roach in his house....TRUE...it's on the edge of the paper on the wall...

 Other KKK photos...some you need to study for a while...just to take in the details. I mean it. Like in this first one...don't look at her, look at his black fucking eye and pose...

At least they recycle.

If I became a dope dealer I would say to my customers "Put that in your pipe and smoke it", and we'd giggle the whole time we were running from the cops.

What a wonderful idea...

Monk covers Adam's wee-wee with plant and got more than he bargained for...

"Not my circus, not my monkey." - Polish Proverb.
Wouldn't you like to know what happened to make that necessary to say for the first time?
My bet is that alcohol was involved.

I have mentioned before how I hate teenage girls on line giving me advice that is written in WordArt over a stock photo. Here's what I'm talking about....and this is true.
"When you feel like you are going to die, don't die. And you will survive."
Profane.

 "Non-performing performance artist:????
Doesn't that just mean he's retired?

DAMN!......I mean DAMN!!!!!!

Salad Dressing?.....SALAD FUCKING DRESSING?!!
SERIOUSLY!!??

These are the paths of every astroid that might pose us problems...

 Now sleep tight.

I'm going to need all you people to stop posting adult cats under the kitten tag. Thanks. You are ruining it for the rest of us.



Check rocks carefully...

Beer has replaced sex in my life, and now I can't even get into my own pants.

You know your name will go down in infamy when it begins with a "The".



All the food groups in one easy dish...

Painting your walls must confuse the hell out of your dog.

What's worse than a male chauvinistic pig?
A woman who doesn't do what she's told.

And "The United States of America" without "heunedtatesam" is just "Tits of Erica".

Dear Gentlemen,
There are three words that should never be used when your wife asks you if her dress makes her ass look fat...."Omar the tentmaker".

Get it?

 Crack house.
(I'm sorry. That was beneath me.)

You had one job...one fucking job...

And that was in the news...I warned you about that in an earlier post.

"Quick! There's a UFO! Grab the shittiest camera you've got!"

One of the people I love most in the world told me that she and her husband were in Europe and smoked dope that had won the "Cannabis Cup of Amsterdam."
I had no idea, but will volunteer as a judge next year.


Tree houses...men never outgrow tree houses...

Celebrity dies from a drug overdose: "Oh, my, this is so devastating."
Average person dies: "What a piece of shit drug addict."



I think more attention should be given to biodegradable containers...

And I don't mean by manufacturers...I mean you and I boycotting those companies that don't offer them. Soon the planet could be unlivable...tick tock motherfucker.
Think public outcry doesn't work? Remember when Coke tried to change it's formula?

Venice rising from the clam shell...

At one time very smart people believed that was a fact.
Now these kids think the first woman came from a man's rib...

But in their defense, they would believe that the first woman was shit out of a man's asshole if their parents had taught them it was true. Really. 

This has Mensa test written all over it...

Anybody got any idea if this means anything?

We beat them by out-producing them...

By the way, I think it was Eisenhower who said that the two and a half ton truck deserves the credit for winning the war in Europe.
It doesn't matter how many munitions you have if you can't get them to the place they are needed.

Does anybody else think that masturbation feels like pizza tastes?



"I can't hear you. I have a live mouse in my ear."

If only we were as obsessed with space as we are with time.

Walking away like a fucking boss...

No word on his passengers....if any.

Read caption in this high school yearbook...

And speaking of...an Iranian shampoo ad...

Has the entire world lost their collective minds?

AND THEN THERE'S THIS...

You can't use just the numbers of stops per race. That doesn't tell you anything.
Let's suppose 80% of your cops are in the ghetto because, well, that's where the crime is. The other 20% percent are in less dangerous areas...as it should be. So when you tally it up, 80% of the stops were people of color. What's the big deal?
But that misses the whole fucking point. Those cops are stopping American citizens and with no probable cause of any kind, they throw you against the wall and frisk you. THAT is what we ought to care about, not which race gets stopped illegally more.
You remember how Americans used to cringe when a war movie would come on and the German shoved his hand in a person's stomach and shouted, "Papers!" Well, what can I fucking say? 
"You have nothing to fear if you're not doing anything wrong." FUCK YOU!

I'll have more about our cultural obsession for safety in another post, but just remember, we live in the safest time in human history.