WEDNESDAY #1729

During a wind storm in my home town while I was on my road trip, a HUGE limb in my white pine cracked menacingly. So I called a tree man.

 But not just "a" tree man; I needed a bonded tree man, since the three tree-sized limbs would have taken out my garage, my back porch and my house.

 Precisely on time this pulled up - a brand new sixty foot boom bucket truck....about $200K.

 I'm thinking, at the $475 quote, how can they make enough money to make it all worthwhile.
Then one hour later, the limb was gone...completely gone.

 They brought in a chipper that chipped everything...even the two foot thick limbs....huge chunks of wood that I had no idea a chipper could handle.

Then they cleaned up and was on the way to the next job.
That's how they could afford the equipment and crew. At that rate, they were making at least $300 an hour even considering travel time.
I was impressed. That's more than my dermatologist, who by every indication is a licensed thief. 

I'll have a discussion of this in next Sunday's Anti-Sermon. Hope you can make it.


With what's happening in our schools and on TV, I don't know how much longer we can deny this...

Want to freak people out? Just start bragging about how the Zodiac Killer has never been caught.

"I try to leave out the parts that people skip."
- writer Elmore Leonard


I would have loved to have had a beer with this man...

"If I had known I was going to live this long, I would have replaced the carpet in the living room." - My wife's grandmother who lived to 101.

There is no such thing as free titties.

By the by, I have quit doing the whole "One of my very own" thing since it's written in the lower righthand corner.

Like I've said, there are some kinks to be worked out at a later date...

Do you have a donut shop in your town?

If not, I feel sorry for you.

To this dog, this is a supernatural event....

....think about that a minute.
He can't explain it, so it MUST be supernatural.

The odds of probability....some people just don't get it...

...so it must be supernatural also.

Okay, if this "sport" had a name, what do you think it would be?

"Husband At The Door Get Out Of Window Fast" jump?

Without dignity, your options are almost limitless.

 It's for babies.

Photographer's instructions...always a hoot...

"Try to act natural."
But, unfortunately, it was the leopard who acted naturally.

I told my wife, the Facebook addict, that every time she made me come (cum?), a little kid in Darfur gets fed….she believed me.

I’m a guy. You give me two popsicle sticks and a rubber band and I will fuck it like MacGyver.

Light pollution...

How many beers are six too many?

There are now summer camps where no one is allowed a device...

I measure my enjoyment of a meal in napkins used.


Clever...

Women spend more time thinking about what men think than men actually spend thinking.

Michael Jackson's toilet...

That is all.

When I'm asked what I do now that I'm retired...

Fatherhood. Because pooping in private is so overrated.


I will never tire of these...

(the opinion expressed above is not necessarily that of the sponsoring entity...who actually likes comments)

I watched a documentary whereby they interviewed six futurists concerning scenarios by which our civilization would collapse. There were arguments for financial collapse, an atomic bomb in a major city, an astroid, etc.

At the end the six were asked to reach a consensus as to the most likely. They all agreed it was running out of fresh water.

Fracking "only" uses 1% of the water in an area, but the holding ponds leak, contaminating much more underground water. I can see a time in the future when all the energy we obtain from fracking will go to desalination plants to replace the water.

Dolls have given us an unrealistic image of women.
For example: I found out Russian women do not contain smaller Russian women inside them.

This is a rehash of the old "I am offended" retort. You being offended does not make you right.

Bummer...

How I explained lesbianism to my children...

Stan Lee - Making more money from nerds than a bully at lunchtime.

This guy is horrified with embarrassment for finding and looking at his bugger on camera...

This guy not so much...

He ate it. Yes, he ate. Infallible my ass.

They always make it look so easy, don't they?

A guy told me that he had "lucky underwear".
I don't consider anything that's touched my ball sack to be that lucky.

(No...I'm not so sure fire is this man's primary concern)

Shark Week guys have admitted to faking some of their shit. I think this is one of them...

Everyone always makes the same dumb joke: "What are you going to do with an English degree, work at McDonald's?"
What a stupid joke. As if anyone who works at McDonald's can speak English.

Jobs you wish you had...

The Squirt-Off-Guy when it's a wrap on the porn set.

Arty ain't it...

Some of the best moments in life are the ones you can't tell anyone about.

There is a well-known human trait that the harder something is to achieve, the more it is valued. As I understand it, thus was born hazing.

HOLY FUCKING SHIT, YA'LL.....

OVERHEARD CONVERSATIONS.....
"If you didn't want me to cancel our cruise to Bermuda, then you shouldn't have tried jerking that dude off in the Applebee's parking lot."

AND THEN THERE'S THIS...

If you don't get this...it's okay...it really is.

(thanks, Mel)