TUESDAY #1735

My dog, Tucker, on his first day of obedience school...

(no it's not...I lied)

No mess?

Mess was half the fun.

Are the upper 10% smarter than the rest of us.

I don't think so. I think they are cheating...playing by rules that do not apply to us and us playing by rules that do not apply to them...all designed to maximize their advantage.
And it stinks.

Zombie defense axe....

I know it's silly, but I'm a visual kind of guy.
Unfortunately, the device above is totally useless in its current position.

“Let us leave pretty women to men with no imagination.” 
- Marcel Proust

Another reason I'm going to hell...

Actors who played famous people and nailed it...

Before the Fort Hood shooting in November 2009, the Army psychiatrist convicted Friday of killing 13 and wounding more than 30 was completing a fellowship at Walter Reed National Military Medical Center, where military supervisors praised his unique interest in Islam's effect on soldiers.

Bootleg diesel fuel for sale some damn place...

According to 29% of LA Republican voters who were polled, poor Hurricane Katrina response was Obama’s fault.

It may appear to some that I make too much fun of Republicans. I would make more fun of Democrats, but there isn't as much funny stuff on the internet about them.
So for the record, Democrats seem to think that ANY problem can be solved simply by throwing our money at it. They are now trying to do this with health care and I can only predict from past experience that it will bankrupt us.

Prison is a real pain in the ass.

(keyword: Real)



Carl Sagan almost single-handedly brought me around to thinking about the illogic of talking snakes and of dead people being exiled under the ground to burn for eternity for being bad...or not understanding the rules...

Everybody’s got a thing.

My father worked for an international corporation and for all his his adult life he never wore anything but white dress shirts with his suit and drove drab sedans. The day he retired he stopped shaving, stopped getting haircuts and bought this car...a Datsun 240Z...

 And to think that his "real" self was finally allowed to reveal itself.

To me, people with high self-esteem are creepy as shit.

At my new favorite bar I suggested that they do this and all of the other customers thought it was a great idea...

"Moooooooooom?!"

"Shut the fuck up. You can't feel it anyway."

It was stated that this was a 48" firework canister. Although impressive, can it get off the ground being that big? Or more accurately, DID it get off the ground?

I was very fortunate that the amount of hair I had to make this brush was the exact amount required. It was very difficult to pull this amount of hair through the metal part...to the point that it was a perfect fit...

 After it was made, I found three more clumps that had fallen out of the folder. Had I not misplaced the three clumps, this would never have been possible.

I call that kismet and she smiles on me often.
My most trusted advisor asked me if I knew the difference between straight and curly hair. I though about it for a long time, but came up with nil.
She said the forliculars of curly hair was flat. The forliculars of straight hair was round...explaining that rope doesn't curl, but ribbon does. Moderately curly hair like mine are rather oval.

AH! Look who's telling us to listen to him...for a fucking change!

Am I the only one out there who thinks the man ripped up the constitution?

QUIZ: Remember what this is? Answer later...

I wonder how many kids today know what new rope smells like.

My nephew sent me this from some fucking place...

 I read that there is such a thing as too many choices. I think this fits that description.

I will never tire of this....NEVER!

Went to retrieve my favorite coffee mug....wife must have cleaned out her toy drawer....

Also a profound title.

Well, of course it it...

Another spoke-less bike...

Thanks traffic advice guy...

You have got to get over your fear of looking stupid.

Grandchildren are your reward for not giving in to the temptation to kill your kids.

Made out of stuff you may recognize...

I came online to check the weather. That was twelve and a half years ago.

Life is too short to learn German.

There is no such thing as valet parking in the ghetto...at least not voluntarily.

AND THEN THERE'S THIS...

I wonder how many of you smart-asses were contemplating telling me that I misused the word forliculars. In fact, I just made the word up to fuck with you.