FRIDAY #2182

Some music to scroll by...

Hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving, or as my viewers in The UK, Germany, Ukraine, Russia, Japan, India, and Venezuela call it, Thursday.
My weird next door neighbor came over for the feast. Too bad his girlfriend was to young to sit at the adult table. Embarrassing, that.

NEWSY BITS...

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I've been asked to sell some of my art work in one of these...

 It's a pretty neat idea. A guy bought all the old cigarette machines he could get, then refurbished them and had them dispense art...

 The catch is that each piece of art work has to fit into a box exactly as large as a pack of cigarettes...

The guy giving me the suggestion heard about all the pieces I had created using dollar bills and figured I could come up with something to fit the criteria.
We shall see.

When you consider names for your baby, it's always important to try out the middle name in an angry voice.

I saw an experiment where telephones were erected way off in the distance and only some of them had a wire between them. Volunteers were asked to identify which did and which did not have wires. They almost all got it right even though at that distance the wire appears 1/100th the size of a cone receptor in the back of the eye. They deduced that the human eye could accomplish this feat by very carefully passing the image of the wire back and forth over the cones.

I just heard a TV motivational speaker say, "There's no such thing as a problem; just opportunities to better yourself." In that case I have a serious alcohol opportunity.

Where the Berlin Wall used to be...

And a little know fact...

I couple of decades ago I did some artwork for a guy that owned a restaurant so I could eat and drink there free for a year. This is it...

The other day my wife got a Facebook message from a guy looking for a home for it, saying it had been stolen years ago, thrown out when the tenant left, retrieved by another tenant, etc, etc. Now, it had no home. My wife let the restaurant owner know where he could go get it.

Aside from injured or sick animals, I agree...

Whoever invented applause must have looked like a complete idiot when he first tried it out.

Posted this before, but it is so powerful it deserves another look...

During my last prostate exam I asked the doctor where I should put my pants, and she said, "Over there with mine."

ABOUT BURGERS

 And...

Guy said his cafeteria was serving burgers made out of buffalo worms...

I looked it up and IT'S TRUE!!!

About fucking time.

I took a leaflet out of my mailbox informing me that I can have sex at 73. I'm so excited because I live at #71.

Thanks to the internet I have probably seen more buttholes than all my ancestors combined. And if there is a heaven I know they are all looking down on me with a mixture of horror and respect.

How I hope this is true...

No matter how great the view, I would be miserable sharing it with all these tourists...

Never attribute to malice that which is as easily explained as ignorance.
(I use that logic all the time)

 Jimi Hendrix, 1967...

His gun doesn't fit in his holster.

Before we married I asked my wife-to-be what kind of books she liked, and without missing a beat she said, "Check books."

I hate how the terrorists have changed us. I used to love the carefree days when you could spot an unattended bag at the airport and think to yourself, "I'm going to take that."

That kid is going places...

Probably a shoe factory, but still.

You must realize how hard it is for a new brand of alcohol to break into the market...

 But I sit for long hours at a bar and Fireball is THE drink of choice of most of the young patrons. Well done, Fireball.

A couple of sculptures worth sharing...

That must be some very special mortar.

You are just good enough for most things.

The instructions weren't clear...

I will bet money he ordered those online.

I can’t help but feel the advent calendar’s days are numbered.

I can see their point. Even calling it "Global Warming" confused people...the same people who pay for all the research.
But science does that sort of thing all the time. Big Bang, God Particle....just may sound clever to scientists, but it's all so very misleading.

 I don't know why I find this so depressing...

It would be like living in a pinball machine.

When my wife tries to hand me a chore when it’s time for me to go to my bar...

Can you imagine any situation where this could be absolutely true?

What’s the easiest thing you can’t do?

I have an idea...

I think they should start printing novels on the back of cereal boxes, one installment a week, say. Then there would be a website to go to if you missed some of the earlier ones.

Here's the blind guy's side window...

At any given time there’s at least one asshole behind you.

They said this canyon is as deep as the Empire State Building is high...

...but people say a lot of things on the internet.

Have you ever come home at night missing one of your shoes and you have no idea where it could be?

This is probably something you learned in elementary school: Rivers almost never flow in a straight line. Instead, they twist and turn along serpentine paths. But why exactly is that so? A new video by YouTube’s MinuteEarth gives the surprisingly complicated answer, showing how even the slightest natural disturbance (even the burrowing of a muskrat) can, in time, cause even the mightiest of rivers to bend.

One Of My Very Own...

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.

During a football game this was the name on the jersey...

I realized immediately that you could turn the last three letters over for fun.

But I see shit like that all the time, yet I could very easily make this next mistake and not catch it...

What if men started adding stuffing to their underwear to made their 'package' look bigger?

How is that any different from women wearing push-up or padded bras? Kind of silly when you think about it. Why do so many women want to fake everything?

Wife and I met these guys during one of roadtrips...

When I met the drummer, Wolfgang, I pointed to his mother and said, "You're in a rock band and is this the woman who named you Wolfgang." He nodded and I added, "Have you ever thanked her?"

Journeys should not be measured in miles, but in friends.

– My wife’s mantra

That guy's secret was to copy drawings made by second tier artists of the Middle Ages or so. Not many experts on those guys, and they weren't major works, just preparatory drawings. When caught he demonstrated how he could knock one out in 15 minutes. Also, because it was donated there was no need to call in an expert for authentication.

 My advice to people who are always complaining about being fearful all the time...

I know that will sound strange to many of you, but I kind of promised myself a long time ago that I would do everything within reason to insure I never have to beg for my life.

For Christmas I bought my wife a XL Shrek dildo, which is rather festive.

Photography...

ADVICE: Break out your camera and head for abandon buildings. 
And thinking about it, that piano is so old, that might be real ivory.

This deserves another look, it being close to Christmas and all...

Most of you have never seen my wife eat...

She does shit like that all the time, just to fuck with me and the other restaurant diners.

How delightful...

If I'm not mistaken, the missile if propelled out of the tube by pressurized steam...

I also think that it does that maneuver to stay under radar on a ship to ship attack.

I keep my nails and hair short because I’m too lazy to carry around ANY extra weight.

(that's a lie)

“At first we were in an arms race with sophisticated criminals,” says Eric Grosse, Google’s head of security. “Then we found ourselves in an arms race with certain nation-state actors . And now we’re in an arms race with the best nation-state actors.” Primarily, the US government.

But perhaps the most authentic expression of betrayal came from a relatively unknown Google security engineer named Brandon Downey in a post on his personal Google+ account. He prefaced his message by stating that he was speaking only for himself—but he might as well have been channeling his colleagues across the industry:

Fuck these guys. I’ve spent the last ten years of my life trying to keep Google’s users safe and secure from the many diverse threats Google faces. I’ve seen armies of machines DOS-ing Google. I’ve seen worms DOS’ing Google to find vulnerabilities in other people’s software. I’ve seen criminal gangs figure out malware. I’ve seen spyware masquerading as toolbars so thick it breaks computers because it interferes with the other spyware. I’ve even seen oppressive govern­ments use state-sponsored hacking to target dissidents … But after spending all that time helping in my tiny way to protect Google—one of the greatest things to arise from the internet—seeing this, well, it’s just a little like coming home from War with Sauron, destroying the One Ring, only to discover the NSA is on the front porch of the Shire chopping down the Party Tree and outsourcing all the hobbit farmers with half-orcs and whips.