MONDAY #2368

One Of My Very Own...

ralph.henry.at.folio.olio@gmail.com 

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Put another way...

Why is everything so out of kilter?

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30 seconds....amazing...

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Why they call it gambling.

Couldn't get a bet on the mismatched Germany/Ivory Coast game no matter how many points were given, so I started an over/under on combined points and pegged it at 6 1/2. I took under. Germany sat at 5-0 at half time and won at 10-0.
Toward the end of the game the Germans were walking into position and STILL scoring.
Anyway, I lost, but needless to say I now predict Germany takes it all.
Oh, and then there's this asshole...

I gave all comers American Pharoah and I took the field, since the odds were ALL in my favor...but, got my ass burned yet again.

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A recent email exchange:

ME - So you once did a good job explaining to me how Viagra worked. Now I'm curious about the new "female Viagra."
PHD - Similar to men, it increases blood flow to the genitals.  This results in increased vaginal secretions and clitoral erection, both of which lead to increased sexual fulfillment.  The study was done in women who had sexual arousal disorder and who are post menopausal.  I can give a more specific mechanism if you want. 
ME - Nah, no specific mechanism needed. I just needed something different to jack off to. Thanks.
PHD - Unfortunately the thought of anorgasmic post menopausal women doesn't do it for me.  
ME - You, sir, lack imagination.

When I was a kid we didn’t wear bicycle helmets, and yes we got concussions…and liked it!

Edison cheated Tesla out of $50,000, (which is over a million dollars, today, adjusted for inflation) when he offered the superior scientist and inventor money to re-tool Edison Electric's inefficient motors. When Tesla did and asked Edison to pay up, Thomas laughed and said, "Tesla, you don't understand our American humor." 
What a douche.

66 years. Can we just appreciate that?

You know how I feel about reuse...

Sleep is always the answer. Upset? Go to sleep. Not feeling well? Go to sleep. Already asleep? Stop making excuses and go to sleep harder.

Everybody needs a hobby...

Just another example of why women make less money than the people on the other side of the wall.
But seriously, do all of them swallow it? What percentage gets it all over the front of their nice clothes? And if they just let it go on the floor, does the next lady have to kneel in it? And did you notice that most of those women are blond?

What if there was just one of each word and once said you used it up?

There's no doubt that Gandhi's peaceful protests shaped the world we live in today. But, by his own admission, he didn't entirely practice what he preached. In his autobiography, Papa Mahatma admits to beating his wife while in South Africa. He also wrote Hitler a letter, naming the Fuhrer his friend, and looking to Adolph as a possible ally to the Indian cause. The most baffling, however, were his racist attitudes towards South Africans, which he shared openly. He was all about equality and peace and respect for his fellow man, unless of course, for his wife and Africans.

Just another flawed human being just like the rest of us. But I wonder if he ever stuck his dick through a hole in the wall in hopes that some well dressed blond woman would suck on it until her dress became soiled or she swallowed it.

Which do you think smells worse: a hospital corridor or a donkey’s ass?

Let’s talk about the North Carolina island of Ocean Isle where I vacation. Now imagine if at the end of the Civil War a group of confederates amassed themselves on Ocean Isle and refused to surrender. Further suppose that France delivered arms and such for...oh, EVER. My question to you is, what do you think Washington would do about it in 2015?

Well, following the Chinese civil war a bunch of the losing side took over the island of Taiwan and they...still...own...it! That's insane.

I’m already planning on being an asshole on Saturday...for no particular reason.

Things just seem to happen to drunks...

Looks like a murder scene...

Just what happens when a horse gets a nosebleed. 

Paris officials have ordered the removal of 45 tons of "love locks" from all of the bridges in the city, replacing the chain link sections with plastic barriers.

Interesting, in that I saw an ad for another city that INVITED tourist to declare your love with a lock on their bridge. Paris replaced the much loved locks with "street art" which was really dime a dozen cartoons that in my humble opinion look embarrassing.

Paris? Come on, guys, you can do better.

This could be funny if it weren't for the young minds being corrupted...

I know I've posted that before, but I keep getting new viewers and everyone in America needs to know that that shit goes on in Christian schools.

And remember, if you call yourself a Christian, then you have to agree with that or admit the bible is wrong. The ball is in your court.

Food porn at its best...

There is only one down side to such a scene. It looks like a morning event and there are some of us who do not interact well with others so early in the day. My wife would be over on the porch swing eating an apple scowling at the interactors.

If you do everything just like everybody else; you drive the same kind of car, live in the same cookie cutter house, in a cookie cutter neighborhood and never, ever break any rules, don't expect your kid to grow up exceptional.

Nobody remembers their best day of video games.

It killed its trainer. Why they didn't just shoot it was not explained.

A paper, published recently in the journal Physical Review Letters, is believed to have set a new record for the greatest number of co-authors for one piece of research. Its list of authors -- 5,154 in total -- takes up 24 out of the total of 33 pages for the entire document, and there are more authors than there are words in the paper.

Scientists have discovered some critically endangered smalltooth sawfish have been reproducing through parthenogenesis, or "virgin birth." Researchers at New York's Stony Brook University found around 3 percent of sawfish living in an estuary in Florida were born without normal sexual reproduction, something that has never been seen before in wild vertebrates.

This body paint only shows up in black light...

I'm having trouble figuring out exactly what part of the body that is.

 Check out the guy's face...

This tofu tastes like I’d rather be fat.

I think people don’t get enough credit when they go through life unmedicated.

 How wonderful.

Back in my day, a selfie was sucking your own dick.

This looks AWFUL...

And they sell that shit to CHILDREN! 
They stated that she suffered only some hair singeing and minor burns. But when you think about it just right, that's what she gets for having that stupid little ship's steer wheel on the wall. I mean, jeeez.

Some guy started hitting on my wife the other day and she cleverly said, “I’m sorry, but I’m a lesbian.” And the guy said, “Oh, my god, I thought you were a guy.”

When a drunk girl in her 20s screams, “Oh my God, I love this song!”, you can be sure that song sucks.

Photography...

For some reason I find this very sad.

 She is a doll...literally.

 I was once offered a room full of mannequin parts very similar to this...

I had no place to store them so I had to turn it down. 

Thinkerings...