About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Monday, September 28, 2015

MONDAY #2475


One Of My Very Own…


I have so many people in my life that I feel this way about.



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I had a rough weekend NFL-wise. Prefacing the weekly tally I send out to all the players, I added this:
First, let me state, as a fact, "FUCK OAKLAND!'
Fuck all furniture made of oak.
Fuck the whole state of California.
Fuck anything west of my house.
And fuck words that begin with the letter O.


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My wife and I were invited to a yard party at 4 o'clock in the afternoon. I stopped by after returning from my bar and had one beer before returning to my football on TV. I had just left when the cops showed up.
The cop that showed up...my wife wrote him a letter of reference to get in the department. By the way, there were like six school teachers attending. Why do some neighbors just have to be assholes? 

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I'll let this speak for itself.

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Make of this what you will.

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I have a new desktop image.
I'm already imaging what he will look with in a beard.
Awesome I would assume.



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We would all be so much more successful if our ancestors had just married better.


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 Temple Houston, son of Sam Houston. At 13, signed onto a cattle drive to Dakota; at 19 graduated w/ honors from Baylor with law degree and passed the bar to become the youngest practicing lawyer in Texas. His most famous case was defending prostitute Millie Stacey in 1899. His closing summary, The Soiled Dove Plea, is still studied by law students today, considered the perfect defense argument and one of the finest masterpieces of oratory in the English language.


And if you would like to read the plea, here's the link. It's not too long and pretty damn good.

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 The Merchant Seaman’s War Memorial in Wales
 That is very effective...and touching. All those broken hulls on the ocean floor represent dead people...lots and lots of dead people.

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A peeler with bacon in the handle.
I have no idea why I posted that.

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DENTIST: Been flossing?

ME: Yup

D: [reaches into my mouth & pulls out a copy of the NY Times dated 7/5/14] I put this in there last time.

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I would so like to meet this man.

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Interesting Fact: By the year 2020 all actors on American TV shows will be Australian.


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Racing down the street on a skateboard at 70mph
 So who took the picture? Another skateboarder or a car?

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The skin of a squid is basically a magic material.

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I hate it when people don't know the difference between ur and u'r.


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Yes, this was a real toy.

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I remembered the first time I learned that eye contact does not involve touching with a finger.


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Not in a million years.

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No matter how bizarre my question, someone in the world has already thought of it and asked Google. And thats really comforting.


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What a wonderful thing to think about.

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Netflix terms and conditions just changed and my attorney is on vacation. Just great. Just fucking great.


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Yes, I'm a Burning Man kind of guy.

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Sittin’ in the.............bucket seat


Did you guys even notice the bucket? Probably not.

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“The trouble with fiction is that it makes too much sense, whereas reality never makes sense.”
-      Aldous Huxley



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Question: Just how long do you have to observe wildlife before a situation like that comes along. A lot I would assume.

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This photo was taken yesterday of a major rock slide in Ohio. Sources have confirmed once they removed the boulder they found the remains of a coyote underneath. Witnesses say they saw a roadrunner speeding away quickly from the scene just after impact.


 (That may not be true.)

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How many just plain stupid things do we all believe today?
 I'll make a stab at light speed being some sort of cosmic speed limit. 

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This rental car gives you the street you are on and the speed limit. I like the speed limit part, for sure.

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We, each of us, have a ticket to ride ... we: relish the landscape (how quickly it whizzes by!), interact with our fellow travelers, pay frequent visits to the washrooms and concession stands, and hardly ever hold up the ticket to the light where we can read its plainly stated destination - The Abyss.
- Tom Robbins
Jitterbug Perfume



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Redskins.
I once painted a mural of the signing of the peace treaty between the British and the Cherokee Nation. Luckily a diary described it perfectly, including that the Cherokee showed up with bright red paint all over their bodies. I refused to paint the indians as red, knowing what the rednecks in Saluda, South Carolina would think. I did agree to make their faces red, but left their body normal suntanned skin color. 

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I wonder how many times he attempted this until he got it right.

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Accidentally ate the sticker on my apple. This wouldn't have happened if it had been a Snickers.


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It's all fun and games until physics kicks in.


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Crossword clue: Spring or fall, sometimes

Answer: Verb
(I hate those kind of clues)

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I watched an indie movie with Peter Fonda in it.
 That was one of his few lines. Just like the good old days.

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First person to build a clock had no idea how long it took.


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Reminding you all that I have only had Macs and I have never had a virus. 

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The year is 2246. Disease and hunger have been eradicated. The terraforming of Mars is complete. The symbol for Save is still a floppy disk.


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I like looking at who in the world is looking at the exact same thing I am at the exact same time.

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More people have died from selfie stick attacks than from shark attacks this year.


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Shadows on a train.

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Amazingly, the same neurons fire whether we do something or watch someone else do the same thing, and both summon similar feelings. Learning from our own mishaps isn't as safe as learning from someone else's ... The brain evolved clever ways to spy or eavesdrop on risk, to fathom another's joy or pain quickly, as detailed sensations, without resorting to words. We feel what we see, we experience others as self.
- Diane Ackerman



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 Subtle, that.

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This was also a toy; pretending you had a deformity.

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You politely tap a jogger with your car one time, and suddenly you get labeled a hero.


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"Icarus", a new mural by Etam Cru in Banja Luka, Bosnia & Herzegovina

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We all have that one friend who returns our truck a little too clean.


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 Damn.

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Okay, okay, I’ll do the dishes!
 "You sit right there."

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"Self-Portrait", a new street piece by Ludo in Paris, France

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I found this rather confusing.

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Projections, also in Paris
 I think the larger ones are much more effective.

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 ????
She must not get out much.

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It only took me a day to teach my daughter how to whistle, but it took me a week to convince her that whistling caused cancer.


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We have all been pissed off at drive-thrus, but my all-time favorite was the time at Wendy's I ordered a burger with onion and mustard ONLY and got a burger with everything BUT onion and mustard.
Mayonaise and ketchup should never be allowed in one mouth at the same time.

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Seriously...if you need a sign to remind you to wash your hands after taking a shit, stay home


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 Every young man when his girlfriend says, "Let's just cuddle tonight."

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And now a late addition to this post because I thought it rather special.
Wait for it....wait for it...




I had no idea.

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I'm not the only one who has observed this, folks.
If you don't believe a dying ex-president without a dog in the fight, who would you believe? And for the love of sanity, if you don't know exactly with oligarchy means, look it up....now. Look it the fuck up.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Because they didn't get invited.

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