About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Monday, October 12, 2015

MONDAY #2489


One Of My Very Own…
My second language.




After reporting 700 pilgrims dead in a stampede near the holy city of Mecca two weeks ago, Saudi authorities have come clean with the true number killed after pressure from investigators: 1,453 were killed and hundreds remain missing.

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I love shit like this...
I do stuff like that.

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 Students at the University of Texas at Austin will protest a new law that will allow more guns on campus. Instead of signs, the students are protesting by "strapping gigantic swinging dildos to our backpacks," which is in violation of the campus' obscenity policy. Jessica Jin, who set up the Campus (DILDO) Carry event on Facebook, invokes the argument that allowing more guns on campus will make students safe is a fallacy. She's urging students to send campus leaders that message by strapping on the plastic phalluses.

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I have a guessing game for you. This is a little squeeze bottle of lemon juice. For whatever reason, I read the label and as a betting man I will wager you that you can't guess what country the lemons are squeezed and the bottle is filled. I will give you twenty guesses. Go.




I think about running my cart into the heels of people who block the aisles in grocery stores way too much.


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Honeywell Wind Turbine - perfect for home use.
There must to be a reason that these are not on every roof in America. I don't even understand why they aren't in the building code of every city. Look folks, we all know how to get cheat hot water...or at least hot water assist...with a very simple device on your southern exposed roof. What am I missing here?

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Prehistoric Cave Art Depicting Humans Hunting Dinosaurs Discovered in Kuwait.
What more proof do you need?

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My new hobby is studying my circumcision scars.


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It was mandated that only one breast could be used to feed the white child...if she switched up and let both black and white babies suckle from the same breast, she could be whipped because it was like them sharing the same water fountain. She wasn't a paid wet nurse who chose this profession, she was an enslaved woman who had to feed all of the white babies first and her child last. If her milk went dry, the slave owner brought another woman, and the enslaved women's children went hungry.

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So it has come to this...
What, exactly, would an eighteen year old kid "backpack inspector" do if he came upon an Uzi in the possession of a white kid in a black trenchcoat? Ask him to leave?!
"Sir, you will have to leave or I am going to be forced to call the authorities!"

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Taco Bell
 My wife registered us as Secret Shoppers at Wendy's. We ate free and all we had to do is observe and report. Almost every visit resulted in my seeing an employee wiping their nose, of scratching their ear canal, or touching their dicks.
I worked my way through college in a bar and grill where I cooked within a couple of feet from the customers and rule number one was to NEVER touch yourself. On the first day I asked what I should do if my nose itched and was told, "Go in the cooler." That meaning, of course, the point was not to not touch yourself, but not be SEEN touching yourself. So using that criteria, the Taco Bell guy above is A-Okay.

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From an article I read:

IRISH: THE FORGOTTEN WHITE SLAVES Source: came as slaves: human cargo transported on British ships bound for the Americas. They were shipped by the hundreds of thousands and included men, women and children.

(never heard of it) 

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These are all natural occurrences.
 Even this one.
Now go back and look at that first one. Doesn't it look like he has an audio ear bud in his ear? Of course, it does.

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The most asked question I get is, "Are you autistic?"

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For a man who likes putting strange objects about, you know I like the work of Petros Eftstathiadiadis
What do you think would be your reaction is you happened upon one of those on the side of a building or wherever? I think the answer to that question says a lot about you.

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That lemon juice was squeezed and bottled in Switzerland. Somehow they can make money shipping in the fruit and doing the work in Switzerland instead of taking the equipment to the lemons. That astounded me.

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THINGS THAT ARE JUST ODD

Said to be a real student presentation.

Oh, hell no.


Dalai Lama examines the beard of Sikh elder Bhai Mohinder Singh Ahluwalia
 Those zany holy men.

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The happiest I've seen Republicans since Chappaquiddick.


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Another Extreme Carvings by Randall Rosenthal. I bet he just loves doing that.

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Whenever someone drops out of college a cannon should go off like in the Hunger Games.


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 I wonder how many lives have been saved by airbags? I would love to see the stats on that.

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There are two upper decks at the Gamecock's stadium. The second one was built a decade or so after the first, supposedly identical to the first. But the second one sways when the crowd gets rowdy, and the first one never did that. I wouldn't go up there on a bet. 

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I think Americans learned more about their legal system from his trial than anything else in its history.
In my opinion, that cop, Mark Furhman, lying about ever using the word nigger, freed a murderer. Fickle how that works, isn't it?

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So let's hear what the other side has to say.
Well put. Very well put. But I never said I recommended that children experiment with it.

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What a great idea.
I am not a gun nut. I see the need for background checks. I even see the need to tax the shit out of ammo to pay for more extensive checks...like having every doctor report any at risk white kids who have no friends and expresses dark thoughts.

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Shockwave
And that was probably only a tactical nuke. 

Although, maybe not. That equipment in the first photo appears very modern. More likely a big ass conventional demolition.


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One should never send a mastodon to deliver a mango.


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Kid experiences rain for the first time.
 God I love children.

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Everything you need to know about cats.

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You think any rich kid ever had the bottom half of his ribcage removed so he could blow himself?


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How appropriate.
To be honest, I've only been on a real motorcycle once, and I felt very, very vulnerably. I never felt the thrill of having nothing between me and asphalt.
But for most of my adult life I have owned convertibles, and one could argue I was equally rash.

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Whenever you and your wife are having an argument, just tell her to cheer up. She might not have thought of that option.


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Surprising how malleable we are.

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"Oh, you've read a few academic papers on the matter? Cute. I have read over 100000 posts."


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Articulated cobra skeleton
My friend once picked up a dead owl off the side of the road and wanted to use clorox water or some such shit to dissolve the flesh so he could do something like the above to the skeleton. In a fit of rationality he took it to the Department of Natural Resourses to ask permission. An officer was called and he was informed that he could be arrested and face five years in prison for merely possessing the dead bird...this dispite him bringing it in to make sure it was legal. They did not charge him, but that could be a lesson for the rest of you.

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Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the other losers who missed a 15 million square mile target.


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Ladies and gentlemen, the Hole In The Wardrobe Guy.

The following is pretty fucking cool, but I never watch stuff like that that I don't visualize where the cameras are.

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The Karate Kid grew up to be The Karate Man and now he's the Pizza Hut delivery guy with a ponytail who tries to talk to you about swords.


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I wonder how many times she tried that before she could do it?

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In store checkout behind beautiful woman in sleek black dress. She's buying tequila and a quart of motor oil. Sure like to know that story.


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