About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Thursday, October 1, 2015

THURSDAY #2478


One Of My Very Own…
I feel compelled to explain. I decided long ago that if One Of My Very Own gets into the file, then I will post it...regardless. That one makes me cringe.
As is my habit I will try to make up for it.


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More hilarious news from Alabama – a boy was bitten by a snake at the zoo and it hadn’t even escaped…it just wandered in. All indications are that both boy and snake will make a full recovery.

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 The FBI reports that 700,993 people were arrested for marijuana-related offenses in 2014. More than 88% were for simple possession. This is the first time the number of arrests have increased since 2009. Harry Anslinger, the first commissioner of the U.S. Treasury Department's Federal Bureau of Narcotics and a supremely hateful racist, would be proud.


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 Evidence has been found of "two hidden chambers" behind the painted walls of King Tutankhamun's resting place, and one of them could be the tomb of Queen Nefertiti.

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You still think he's a great guy? 


I think the most pressing question for the Pope should be, "Have you ever caught anybody lying on their back in the Cistine Chapel and looking at all those nudes while masturbating?"


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Okay, this is probably one of those 'you had to be there' stories, but I'm going to run it by you anyway.
I have a new, very expensive nose medication that works very well; giving me a young nose again. I got in bed the other night and my wife commented on how great my nose looked and I said, "Well, you know, when I put it on at night I don't wash my hands afterwards. And I guess I touch myself in my sleep...and, well, all those oozing sores on my dick have almost gone away." You can imagine her reaction. Wives are so predictable.



Thinking of having a baby? Watch this...
Had that been a boy that water would have been chugged immediately.

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The importance of food to an army can't be overstated.
Whole wars have been lost due to lack of it.

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And why is time the only thing that comes in nicks? Why isn't there a "nick of heat" or a "nick of love?"


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Joséphine Marcus Earp (1861-1944) was an American part-time actress, dancer, and prostitute who was best known as the wife of famed Old West lawman and gambler Wyatt Earp. Known as "Sadie" to the public in 1881, she met Wyatt in the frontier boom town Tombstone, Arizona Territory when she was living with Cochise County Sheriff Johnny Behan. She became Earp's common-law wife for 48 years. She died in Los Angeles in 1944.

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1918 flu epidemic
Chances are someone in your family died from it.

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Artwork from Burning Man. Rather powerful, that.

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I'm going to pay a stranger to cut my head hairs. This is normal and I'm normal for doing it.


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Reminds me of Louise Nevelson, and you can do it yourself.

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What would you put in your mouth for $1,000?


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A friend once built a sculpture made of a steel rod rack held together by combination locks. Hanging from the rack was microfilm of every combination possible of the locks and this kind of looks like that.

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I promised myself I’d lose 10 pounds this year. Only 15 to go.


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Nature taking back a church.
For those wondering: it's the ruins of St-Etienne-le-Vieux a large medieval church destroyed in World War II. Next to Caen in France.

I can't believe this is not worth saving.

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I will need several display cases for my Dollar Toters art work. I like this one.

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Never give a party if you are going to be the most interesting person there.


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 Funny, that.

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When I finish eating something I have to show my hands to my dog like I’m a blackjack dealer.


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Motorcyclist mocks cyclist
 Now go back and watch the cyclist smile.

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This guy converted a pant leg into a hat. That is all.
 You saw it here first, folks.

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WIFE: Where the hell are you?

ME: Well you know that jeweler's where you saw that ring you wanted?

W: OMG

M: I'm in a bar down the street from there


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If big-breasted women aren’t a reason for auto insurance, then what’s the point?


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If I say, “Don’t worry, I’m on it,” there’s a 98% chance I’m talking about my recliner.


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A sign of the times.

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 I've found that to be true.

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Guess what this reminds me of.

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I sometimes worry that someone is taping me during a football game and use it against me later.


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Just four of the bodies on Mt. Everest.
 There are many more; the one on the bottom left being used as a mile marker.

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The answer may not lie at the bottom of a wine bottle, but you should at least check.


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It's called language: learn that shite.

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The pussy game is strong with this one.

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There are people in this world named Percival. Let that sink in.



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My wife asked why the case of beer she bought yesterday was half empty, and I said, “Because you’re a pessimist?”


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Is there anybody who would not want to meet this woman?

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THINGS GOING TO SHIT

Why didn't he just pulled it straight down the road?

 A mistake you only make once.









On a scale of “impaired judgement” to “Mel Gibson” how drunk do you think they were? "Let's push over this dead tree" is pretty damn drunk.

What it means to mate for life.

Female rugby player giving zero fucks...

What could possibly go wrong, the fire department is here?


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I once pulled up to the air pump at my gas station, let the air completely out of my tire, and took a picture of it to use as a valid excuse the next time I’m real late.

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THINGS TO DO WITH WATER

Why you can't just "out run" a flashflood.

World's Biggest wave ever surfed. 
 A 100 foot wave with Garrett McNamara off the cost of Nazare, Portugal.



The whale knocked the humans out of their kayak and underwater, but they were both wearing life vests and fellow kayakers helped them get back to shore safely. Lucky for them, it only looked like a direct impact!

Could that be called tool use?
How about this?

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My wife went to a jewelry store looking for that tornado watch that was all over TV.


I would like to remind my loyal viewers that I repost somethings because  have a whole bunch of new viewers. Thanks for your patients.

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