About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Thursday, October 8, 2015

THURSDAY #2485


One Of My Very Own…


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California's governor, Jerry Brown, just signed a bill into law today which allows doctors to prescribe lethal does of meds to adults expected to die within six months. Oregon, Washington, and Vermont have similar bills. I'm letting you all know now: If I go full Terri Schiavo, just give me my does of lethal meds.
And how dare some law maker having the audasity to tell me what I can and can not do with my own life. Why? Why is there a need for such laws? And why 6 monts? Why not a year. Fuck it, why not when you learn you have Alzheimer's?

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People are still dying around here! Today five utility workers moved a barrier and drove down a road that looked safe. Well, the asphalt looked safe, but there was no dirt under the asphalt and the truck when in the river....two died.

They are begging people not to get in the water. But NOBODY is heeding the warnings. 
This couple may be walking along and come upon a manhole cover that has become dislodged and whish, they are in the storm drain be sucked out to the river.

They call them sinkholes, I guess for want of a better word, but there are thousands of them. This asshole didn't believe in sinkholes.

Sandbags. Don't get me started with sandbags.
Sandbags WILL NOT stop flood water from getting in you shop. Try this experiment to prove it. Stack sandbags across the middle of your bathtub, then turn on the water and see how long it takes for water to get to the "protected" side. Instantly, that's how long.
And my renter went back to check his store, which didn't flood, and somebody had stolen his sandbags. Who would do such a thing? 

Pets are a problem. Shelters don't allow them, but the vets have stepped in to board them for free.

My wife started organizing the collecting supplies as soon as the water receded. The people of this city and state have stepped up to the plate and knocked a homerun (sorry for that metaphor...I'm watching the Cubs beat the Pirates). My wife's store was a center for collecting clothes and as of tonight all shelters have enough clothing. They need toiletries and diapers and coloring books and crayons and Tampons and ordinary things we all take for granted.

They are having a very hard time trying to fix the canal which supplies the city with water. They have to dam it up to make repairs, but every time they start the dam another chunk of the earthen levee gives way some more.

But I have beer, internet and cable, and electricity. Water is on but we have to boil it. Actually, we don't boil it cause we don't cook. And we use bottle water to drink, brush our teeth, etc.

Interestingly, 99% of insurance will pay for anything that happens to your house that falls out of the sky - hail, tornado, tree limb, etc - but they will not pay for anything that comes up from the bottom - a flood. And remember, most of the ruined houses were not in a flood plane. Let me put that another way, because I talked to a guy that knows all about it.
When you build a house, the bank makes you prove that it is not in a 100 year flood plane. That's one of the things my friend does is write reports of such things. He goes out to the construction site and measures the level of the lowest floor of the living space and from that the determination is ascertained.
Now we find out that with a declaration of disaster the federal government will step in and pay for the repairs. 




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As far as officiating jobs go, Curling Referee has to be low on the stress scale, because no one really knows the rules.


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Man trying to cover his face, Pompeii


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*astronaut tries to hang himself*

*but just floats there

weightless and forlorn*

- claudia martin
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Built in 1453 in Hungary and used by turks to conquer Constantinople, they shocked their builders by unexpectedly doing what they were designed to do: lobbing a 1,500 pound granite sphere at whoever it was pointed at. 


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Just the facts, ma'am, just the facts...

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This is what a beard looks like when you take a roadtrip and forget to take your brush.

Nice nose. I used to have chronic problems with my nose. The dermatologist gave me a prescription and added, “If your insurance doesn’t cover this, let me know.” Well, one tube of it was $250, so I went back to the doctor, who gave me a dozen or so tubes and told me when those ran out to come back. I thought that worth sharing...again.
But I also got to thinking, how do they know for sure that the cream wouldn’t make me go blind if I got it in my eye? I hate to say it, but I’m kind of glad a few dozen monkeys found out for me. Just saying.

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Did he really say this? Who cares, it should have been said anyway.

Einstein, when he arrived in America, was shocked at how Black Americans were treated. “There is separation of colored people from white people in the United States," he said. "That separation is not a disease of colored people. It is a disease of white people. And, I do not intend to be quiet about it.” And, he wasn't.

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This from a man who knows about such things:

"If you happen across a "small-head" bill, you need to hang on to it for sure.  There are relatively few in circulation, but there are still some out there. As these notes move through the FRB systems for redistribution, they are being removed and destroyed."


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One time I drank myself autistic.


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They have a motorized jig to do this now...
 It used to be done with a handsaw and a chisel.
Nowadays you should be able to adjust it so you don't end up with that little sliver on the right end. Oh, well.

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THINGS YOU DON'T SEE EVERY DAMN DAY


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A lethal dose is also a lifetime supply.


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And now the good news...

Think about this...
"Lake" Powell on the Colorado River 

 And we use DRINKING WATER to water grass. Please.
And don't get me started on using it to flush toilets. I mean, seriously. There has GOT to be a better way.

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Me: I’m sorry.

Wife: I promise to do a better job of hiding how much you irritate me.

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Rejected Designs for the proposed London "Eiffel Tower"

I wonder if the second one on the second row is leaning on purpose. Sort of like an Eiffel Tower/Leaning Tower of Pisa hybrid.

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I have stated multiple times that this is a great idea.
 As I understand it, the shipping containers are getting much more expensive. Oh, well.

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One can't judge till one's forty; before that we're too eager, too hard, too cruel, and in addition much too ignorant.

- Henry James


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I don't want to sound like an alarmist, but does anybody think this is a good idea? 

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And all of it controlled by your phone.
What must the future wrought?
Well, how about this...
Those things are weaving a foot bridge capable of holding a man. The next step is for them to learn how to make replacement parts for themselves, then all bets are off.

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 The oldest-known living orca is 103 years old. I would really like to know how they know that.


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This is a new young comedian.
 Dark, but funny.

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There are so many awful pieces of advice to live by on the internet.
 I actually think this would work.

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My wife is such an optimist that her urn will be half-full.


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WHAT WORD IS THIS?

A Jewish food item always served as a side dish, never as a main dish; therefore making it a good metaphor for someone who is being treated as unimportant or dispensable.


ANSWER [ CHOPPED LIVER ]

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This picture reminded me of my sister, Tina.
Her husband had the habit of tossing ice water over the shower curtain when she was taking a shower. So she decided to turn the tables and filled up a glass with ice water and tossed it over the curtain. More specifically, she tossed both the ice water and the glass over. He had to get 8 stitches.

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This is the cover of a book.
These are the pages.
 I would have bought that book if those had been REAL bullet holes, but it seems to me that there are four "shots" in the cover and only three on the pages...thus bogus.

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Oh, my.

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Any time somebody stops me and asks for directions I give them directions to my house just to fuck with my wife. 


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PHOTOGRAPHY

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Try to read these song titles.

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They said that love makes a person’s annoying habits adorable. They lied. 


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Finally some good news.

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The helpful tagger...

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Why isn’t there a TV show where people come into a hoarder’s house and bid on the contents?


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Oh, look, another one of those big ass cannons!

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There are too many people counting calories and not enough people counting chemicals.


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