MONDAY #2531

One Of My Very Own…

That was much funnier late at night when I made it.

ralph.henry.at.folio.olio@gmail.com 

Think this is a joke?

 This is the exact wrong thing Paris needs.

Don't forget, there are millions on the other side praying for its destruction. 

 They have begged him to send American troops.
And not only will he not use their hated term Daesh, he won't even call a duck a duck.

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OH, HELL YEAH!

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 Carol DaRonch was the only woman who escaped serial killer Ted Bundy.

In 1974, Bundy told DaRonch, 18, he was a cop & needed her to come to the police station to file a report because her car had been burglarized. In the car, pulled a gun, & tried to handcuff her, but accidentally put both cuffs on the same wrist, & DaRonch managed to get out of the car. Bundy came at her with a steel crowbar over his head. DaRonch kicked him in the crotch & ran for help.

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 Press down to free the barb, then use string to pull it out.

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There are those who think that all emergency preppers need to include some pastimes.

 I couldn't agree more. After a week I would have won you food and weapons.

NOTE: I read that four times and still didn't notice that I had written you instead of your. Well, I'm going to have a stern talk with my panel of editors. Please. Be kind.

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My daughter said that this was the best $100 she has ever spent.

I've said it before and I'll say it again; raising a smart, caring child is the most important job in the world.

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In most of the classic Disney movies and in many Broadway musicals, the I Wish Song  is the main character's first song. It reveals the hero's driving motivation; and it lays out the story's main theme. This song sets the stage for the events that follow.
In The Wizard of Oz,  for example, when Dorothy sings Somewhere Over The Rainbow, she expresses the belief that happiness is to be found far away from her Kansas farm. In the end, of course, she learns that she had been blind to the happiness that was all around her; and that "there is no place like home."
Think of your life as a story, a musical drama - with you as its main character. In this production, what might be the I Wish Song you sing? What might be its tone, lyrics and message?
Would it be a hit, something people would want to hear and hear again?

And now a little theme music to help you along your journey...

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The first guy to drink milk probably did a lot of other weird stuff...probably pop open an oyster and eat it, too.

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 I am very familiar with that problem. You can't imagine the number of really good shit that I just couldn't load.

And then there is the bullshit.

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Old-school trolling from 1930

I try to get my stuff from reliable sources, but if they get fooled, then I really don't have a chance. I most certainly don't have the time nor the will to track down every item I post. Sorry, but that's just the facts.
I really like it when you take the time to correct me and I always redact as soon as possible. Keep up the good work.

This is what I imagine what all Internet trolls look like.

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No word on who did these. I've shown similar things, but the depth of these is impressive. Notice on the first on how thick some of the images are.

And the skill of picking out illustrations that didn't hid another image. I'm impressed.

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On a wall in Seattle's Pike Place Market, thousands of pounds of chewing gum have built up over the past 20 years, stuck there by locals and visitors, eventually becoming a tourist attraction on its own. 

This week, the millions of gum wads are being scraped and steam-cleaned away, in a move to preserve the historic buildings.

They would be very wise to designate an alternate wall right away.

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This woman made an alarm clock that slaps her in the face.

 She says it is very effective.

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A freak show attraction in early 19th-century Europe.

And now it is the norm. 

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One of New York Central’s “Mercury” engines in Chicago, 1936

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The worse thing about owls is the way they can maintain eye contact even when you put them in the microwave.

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War Advice from the Master

That first one also applies to poker.

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How scientists collect spider silk

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It is great when companies stand behind their product, literally.

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Your in-laws will always love you if you marry your cousin.

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That is some very special mortar.

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A casting mold for a wind turbine blade.

I've seen those in transit and they are massive.

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TRUE: A scientist on TV said that when the idea that a smaller planet slammed into earth to form the moon, it was ground breaking. Ground. Breaking.

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Bear didn't notice his favorite scratching post had been cut down...

Thanks a lot, Obama.

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Hypochondria: the only disease my wife doesn't have.

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I don't believe it.

But wouldn't it have been so much easier to just make a mound and put your house on top of it?

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This is Marcelle Shriver. She collects silly string and sends it to soldiers in the middle east. They use it to look for trip wires that trigger I.E.D.'s. They can spray it across a room, and if it falls to the ground, they're all right. If it snags and hangs in the air they know there's an I.E.D. Silly string is of course not standard army issue, so this amazing woman has collected and shipped over 100,000 cans of silly string, pretty much by herself. Who knows how many lives she has saved. I saw an old article on her from like '06 and can't find anything current. But I hope she's still at it.

(I so hope that is true.)

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Just another place I will never scratch off my bucket list...

He thought he would need this army in the afterlife. Kind of like many of you thinking you will met and recognize your dead relatives even if they were vaporized in a nuclear exchange.

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Proposed idea:

That, of course, would be too dangerous. However, there is no reason that your GPS couldn't say something like, "Turn right in 100 feet. Use your turn signal." 

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My bartender's instructions to the kitchen...

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You don’t really pull your pants down, you push them down. So just stop it.

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Well, of course he did, Cupcake, and I'm sure you deserve each other.

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I just want to make enough money to live in a neighborhood where Starbucks doesn't lock their bathrooms.

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Here are some points of interest:

- Newer homes burn eight times faster than those built between 1950 and 1970. One contributing factor is the increased popularity of open floor plans.

- The majority of calls firefighters receive are actually medical.

- They don't care if you broke the law.

- Things really do pick up during a full moon.

- Cars are better at keeping out sound than ever before, which can be a source of frustration for firefighters in a hurry.

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The guy who named eggplants, pineapples, horseradish, and Guinea pigs is all the same guy.

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This child needs help.

I blame the designers who hire such a woman.

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 This guy built his own railgun

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This is why you shouldn't put pennies on the track...

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An entire generation does not know what the hell is happening when a movie pans over to a wall calendar and the pages magically fly away.

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 Yes, I believe it is painted on to the ice.

I've spray painted on ice before in Labrador and it lasted a long time.

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Want to add a caption to this?

"Aron with one A?"

"You actually don't wear blue suede shoes?"

"Come up to your room? I'm only 15." 
"I'm all shook up."

"All you want is a banana and mayonnaise sandwich?" "And a bottle of Quaaludes."

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Teenagers are so cute when they think you won't hit them.

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Viewer sent me this. Said it was in his home and he ripped it up.

 So would have I.

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Stepping on a #LEGO sucks. But showing a bunch of kids I know how to use the word fuck as a noun/verb/adjective in one sentence is good, right?

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