About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Thursday, November 26, 2015

THURSDAY #2534


One Of My Very Own…



HAPPY THANKSGIVING!



No need to post plates of food, we are all eating the same shit.



On their first Thanksgiving, young wife asked her husband to cut the turkey in half. He asked why and she said, "That's the way my mother did it." He again asked why, so she called her mother, who said, "That's the way your grandmother always did it." So the young woman called her grandmother and asked her and she said, "My stove was too small."
I think that is the way most traditions start, including wedding rings. 




Prankster adds funny fake Black Friday flyers in a local Target. I found some of these very funny.

Movie titles altered to Thanksgiving
I would add Harry Potter and the Giblet of Fire.





Air travel...damn.



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3D printed 'gear box'

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A guy told me that he came out to his parents during a huge family Thanksgiving gathering and he wasn't even gay. He just thought he would like to see where the pieces fell.


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They're described as "anomalies," reflecting the nature of the non-invasive technology used to try and see into the stone of the Egyptian pyramids. But what exactly do the temperature differences reveal? Voids that could be hidden chambers within the ancient monuments.
The investigation has found one "particularly impressive" anomaly at the Khufu pyramid. The results have come just two weeks into Operation Scan Pyramids, which will last until the end of 2016. The scientific mission uses noninvasive visualization techniques, including 3-D scans with lasers and drones, to see inside the pyramids.

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 Glowing orb of electricity

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I'm thinking all those were "cultured", meaning starter pearls were carefully placed inside the oyster...

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Perfect one night stand:
Amish person.
No internet access.
No phones.
In the heat of passion they'll whisper the secret to apple butter.


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Wait for it...

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Gonna pay my grandma $100 to slip "Syrian Refugee 1 and 2" onto the Thanksgiving seating chart to piss off my uncles.


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Gorilla sees his buddies playing in the rain. Decides to have a go.

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"You know that's not even a word, right?" I said, condescendingatively. 


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Is she also blind?

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The first place I had sex in was in my imagination.


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I've posted this before.
 She is standing on a slippery board damn near bare footed. Dayum

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My wife thought that because the automatic hand dryer doesn't turn on for her, that her new diet was really working…and I didn't feel like bursting her bubble.


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Eye healed after corneal transplant surgery

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I'll take: "Things you probably shouldn't do but it'll look really cool for a 1000, Bob."

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Donald Trump is like the "Scream" movies in that he blurs the line between comedy and horror.


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You send these people a picture of a face and they turn it into a cookie cutter.

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Me: How did you burn the Thanksgiving Turkey?

Wife: I followed the directions. 20 minutes a pound at 325 degrees. I weigh 175 pounds!


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How the hell did he do that?

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French Resistance fighters man a barricade in Paris (August, 1944).

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In American politics, what's important is that you pick one of two equally bad sides and defend it no matter the awful garbage it produces.


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I'm pregaming for Thanksgiving by eating 15 ham steaks and yelling at someone's family.


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If someone bumps into you while you are wearing camouflage you have no one to blame but yourself.


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Could we discuss Done To Death, please.

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Need a Christmas present idea?

The Womanizer is a new, $189 sex toy billed as a "clitoral stimulator." While woman reviewers universally hate the name and many dislike the leopard-spotted finish, they are universal in their acclaim of the Womanizer's ability to give them fast, powerful orgasms.


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I wish people randomly offered me weed as often as middle school D.A.R.E. classes said they would.


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There's seldom a fun word that follows "early onset."

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The number of people who confuse ‘to’ and ‘too’ is two damn high.


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A clock.

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A touch pad on the back of the phone.


 What a wonderful idea. You guide the cursor with a touchpad on the back.
Here, take my money.

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Sleeping crew aboard the Space Shuttle looks pretty creepy.

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People who leave their underwear at parks, what's up with that?


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Wait for it...

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Now that robots move their limbs smoothly and with grace, I wonder how people are supposed to imitate them on the dance floor.


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This could be my baby's first gun

Why should ISIS come shoot up America when we are doing a fine job of doing it ourselves.

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Tiger reunited with previous owner 10 years after being set free.

And in related news...

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You take the high road...

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So in conclusion, the burglars in Home Alone 2 absolutely would have died. Thanks for coming to my Ted talk.


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 I have no idea but I did think it was a cool thing to write on a wall.

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 I Wonder Where That Corn Has Been.


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No more bopping field mice on the head for you, Foo Foo.

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Why did the thumbs-up become the universal symbol for approval? "Hey let me show you my weirdest finger because I'm down with what you are saying."



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This Italian building.

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I signed up for the cheapest life insurance I could find, it entitles my family to a tray of Wendy’s hamburgers when i die.


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In 2001, Patrick Hardison entered a burning home on a rescue search, the roof collapsed on him and his firefighter's mask burned onto his face.

Boy, do I have something for you... 
Just kidding.

A team of 150 at the New York University Langone Medical Center performed the "most extensive" face transplant surgery in history.
By the way, the guy who donated the face also donated nearly every other organ in his body.
And more astoundingly, it wasn't just the face. All the skin from the base of the neck up was removed in one piece on both the dead guy and the live guy, and then the donor's flesh was sewn on the live guy. Damn.

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