About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Thursday, January 7, 2016

THURSDAY #2575

One Of My Very Own…






Oh look, a most beautiful child and a real big dog...

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Holding emotion like this against a man discussing the murdering of little children is bad form.
 It just shows he has a heart like the rest of us.

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 The United States Air Force sent me to school for a long time to teach me about nuclear weapons. Take that for what you will, but upon awakening this morning, the first news I heard was that NK had set off an H-bomb. I said aloud, "No he didn't." Turns out I was right.

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What if someone had told you this three or four years ago?

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There are problems with my wife's family and I will be without a computer for a while. Use that information as you will.



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I am the boss of me. And my wife is my boss’s boss.


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Have you ever wondered why they call it "Hermetically sealed?"


Hermes Trismegistus... is the purported author of the Hermetic Corpus, a series of sacred texts that are the basis of Hermeticism... During the Middle Ages and the Renaissance, the writings attributed to Hermes Trismegistus, known as Hermetica, enjoyed great prestige and were popular among alchemists. The "hermetic tradition" consequently refers to alchemy, magic, astrology and related subjects. The texts are usually divided into two categories: the "philosophical," and the "technical" hermetica. The former deals mainly with issues of philosophy, and the latter with practical magic, potions and alchemy. Spells to magically protect objects, for example, are the origin of the expression "Hermetically sealed".

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Space shuttle Endeavor

Wow.

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Before they tore it down, I used to go to a Taco Bell with a reverse drive-thru. You ordered through the speaker in the back, then drove up so that the building was on your right. A young woman would calmly walk out a door, hand you your food and take your money.
For some reason, that 10 feet trip demanded a tip, even though NOBODY tips a fast food employee. I find that interesting.

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From "Airplane."

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Sylvia Allen, the GOP State Senator from Snowflake, AZ, believes the Earth is 6,000 years old. She will run the state Senate's committee to oversee educational legislation.


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Everything is art if you’re stupid enough.

     Sam Grittner


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The Winnemucca petroglyph is between 10,500 to 14,800 years old.

Let's suppose that a modern man wonders by and sees this thing and decides to carve his name in it. Of course, we would want him locked up, but when you think just right about it, he was just doing exactly what those other humans did a long time ago.

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You probably don't need such a thing.
I need it desperately.

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Street art that made me smile...
Nice highlight on the icing.

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Watch the short clip, then see if you can deduce exactly what happened.
Believe it or not, that is a muzzle loader, and that stupid motherfucker just learned not to fire it over open black powder. I have never seen a muzzle loader like that.

And here is something eerily similar.
He (and his mother) just discovered that powdered sugar is highly flammable.
I think he was rather lucky.

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When you read a title like this...
 It's hard not to read the article.

Roland, court minstrel to 12th century English king Henry II, probably had many talents. But history has recorded only one. Every Christmas, during the court's riotous pageant, Roland performed 'Unum saltum et siffletum et unum bumbulum', a dance that ended with 'one jump, one whistle, and one fart,'executed simultaneously.

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Remember this badass?


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I got to thinking about all those children in China making all that cheap stuff that we Americans buy. What if we took intercity slum kids and gave them a job in a huge factory. They would be off the streets. They would have some take home pay. They would learn a work ethic. I call that a win, win, win.
Then reality raised it mocking head. In that factory all the hand tools would be stolen the first week. Large items, like wheelbarrows, microwaves, and drill presses would be gone in a month. Much larger items that required dismantling, like lathes, trucks, and conveyor belts would take a bit longer and require the assistance of a cousin named Julio.

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 This sounds like excellent advice to me...

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 It's not easy being terrifying with you pants around your ankle.
I have a trick sort of like that I use with irate drivers who think I should have passed that car on the interstate more quickly. Four times in my life the car pulled up beside me and mimed cursed words as he shot me the bird. I just looked over and started picking my nose. On each occasion the driver started laughing.

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Let's talk about the engineering of this thing.
I don't know how they stand up without wind. And there is no reason (other than cost) they could not have an extra support at the outside of each island. 

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Yeah, this works...
 ...once.

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Oh, I'm not falling for that trick again...

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Modern American men perplex me. I actually know grown men who are complete gaga over the new Star Wars movie. There is just something about grown men not letting go of childish stuff, like little tiny bikes and skateboards.
And don't tell me it is great exercise or some shit like that. You want a real man's exercise? Try running from the cops like my generation did or betting money you don't have on a football game.
Example:
 And he looks exactly like I figured he would.

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Find the panda...

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I once wrote that I found it kind of funny how we have to pretend we are asleep before we can go to sleep. Well, at night when I settle in for the night and close my eyes, I think about how I'm faking it until my body shifts to auto-pilot. Then I laugh. Then it starts all over again.
Now tonight, when you lay down, DO NOT think about how you are just pretending. But if you do, think of me.

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 I am certainly not excusing those pricks, but the burn out rate among the German troops involved in the mass killings was very high. I guess no matter how well you are trained, you can't erase all the humanity out of everyone.

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My daughter was in advance classes in everything. By the time she was in the 5th grade, me helping her with her math homework was over.
She was using symbols I had never seen before. You know the ones....the ones none of us used on the calculator. 

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This lady will kill you dead.

Her weapon of choice cost $15 million.

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I want one.
 But I want mine to be motorized, and all-terrain tires.

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I found this very clever.

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My wife hates it when Walmart doesn't have what she needs & she has to go home, change out of her pajamas & brush her hair so she can go to Target.


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People only mention that it’s a free country when they’re doing something shitty.


This is a frightening development...
 They have put the patients in charge of the asylum.

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Before I pass something on to you good people for help, I give it serious thought. With that said, here are three item I simply don't understand.

I may not want to know what this is...

Then from an innocent collection of photos...
I'm not sure what I'm looking at.

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The American economy in one simple cartoon.

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Sometimes I dance on my bed half naked & sing into my hairbrush.... and other days... I take my medication.


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I was so impressed with this that I took a still so you could study the features...
And here it is in all its glory. 
 Not only does it drive on a vertical surface, it goes FAST up there.

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I've spent the better part of my day trying to figure out why "mustache" & "headache" don't rhyme.


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 I've talked to the people at my bar and it happens so often that it must be on purpose. Apparently, some men, while standing IN FRONT OF a urinal, have an urge to pee on the wall, like marking his turf. And it's not just one or two freaks, it happens all the time.
(Did you notice how the penis was blurred out. Jeez.)

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Supposedly this car never had an oil change.

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My wife finally folded her laundry yesterday and half the clothes don’t fit her anymore.


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4 comments:

Scott James said...

wD40 fixes Squeaky mouse

David Spears said...

Wd40 stops squeaks.....

Fardygardy said...

Regarding obama's tears... We will never know if they were real or contrived for effect. But I can almost assure you his team in the background was high-fiving that "he nailed it!"

Patrick said...

Wd40 and a lighter gets rid of your rodent problem...

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