About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Monday, March 14, 2016

MONDAY #2641

One Of My Very Own…


ralph.henry.at.folio.olio@gmail.com 



If the US admits that Trump's presidential campaign is a hoax then Australia will come clean about the platypus.





Alert viewer, Susan, answers two recent questions that I posed...


You can't imagine the problems I am having with my new computer. First, none of my passwords transferred from my old computer, and some of these accounts I made 15 years ago. I can't even remember my user name much less the password. My wife has been a real trooper in fixing most of the problems, but it took her, literally, days. Yet the font size problem on this blog continues. Alas.


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My kids didn't drive me to drink, but they have driven me home after I've had too many.
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This is the fastest way on earth to lose your man card.
I mean it. Don’t do that. Just don't. Please.
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Glasgow painter SMUG killing it.
It's all about the light.
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I've been practicing how to die in photogenic positions.
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The evidence against tipping is voluminous and damning.
It plunges workers into sub-subsistence wages, subjects woman servers to sexual harassment, encourages servers to deliver poor service to people of color (and old, young, and foreign people), incentivizes workers to take actions that harm the business (free drinks for big tippers!), and covers up a system of widespread criminal wage-fraud that lands disproportionately on the backs of workers who are already poor and marginalized.
(Is ‘ incentivizes’ a word?)
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Carved out of a single large rock.
I've shown you that before, but look at the columns…
That was somebody’s idea. Some guy said, “Hey, instead of the norm columns, let’s let elephants hold it up.” And he got a raise and his wife performed oral sex on him under the table at his celebration party.
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Zip Zaps wired up a bunch of servos to a voice-recognition system and taught them how to type on a mechanical typewriter, like a dozen robot fingers, and now she has a robotic dictation machine straight out of Brazil.
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A phallic, macrame-foreskinned toadstool with a bouquet of putrescine and cadaverine that makes it unspeakably vile to blokes but tips the ladies over into instant orgasm.
Don’t believe that part about orgasms? Well, here is the proof.
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David Milch, the famed creator of NYPD Blue and Deadwood, earned upwards of $100 million during his career. But his fondness for horse racing wiped him out. Now, according to a lawsuit, the racetrack regular has lost his homes, owes the IRS $17 million and is on a $40-a-week allowance.
I want to be his bookie.
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*Chad gets waitress's phone number*
*texts her before meal is over*
"Napkins????"
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Popcorn, or as cerebral smart minds such as myself refer to it 'popped corn', is the number #1 food of watching things.
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The Chosen People

…indeed.
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Bond.
Bail Bond.
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Where will you be when the LSD kicks in?
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You ever laid you head in a homeless guy's lap and said, "You would not believe the day I had."
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Pressed Peasant Bread Italian Sandwich
Italian salted meats, artichoke hearts, tomatoes, fresh pesto, and Giardiniera.
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This does not end as expected…
Let’s see a cat do that.
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From a loyal viewer…



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I like this, and I don’t want to brag, but I know exactly how to do it
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Wife: It's like every man on earth has to share one brain.
Me: [can't think of a good comeback.]
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PHOTOGRAPH WORTH SHARING
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There's nothing more difficult than trying to convince a narcissist that you don't like them.
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Oddly satisfying…
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I watched a great documentary on Netflix: The Search For Life: The Drake Equation.
You might want to look it up. I found it fascinating.
We can’t let religion off the hook when we discover life on another planet…or asteroid. The church has fought just about ever scientific discovery since...oh, forever. They have been denying life elsewhere at every turn, and when (not if) it is discovered, we can't let them fall back on their favorite ploy of "This proves that god is even more wonderful."
Bullshit. All myths must stop when we know we are not the only ones.
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Ladies and Gentlemen, the stupidest woman in the world.
"Why does United States President Barack Obama have a soft spot for homosexuals? Because he was a gay hooker in the '80s," reports Mary Lou Bruner, a Republican candidate for the Texas State Board of Education.
 But wait, there's more!
"That’s how he paid for his drugs."
 Oh, please do go on…
“Climate change has nothing to do with weather or climate, it’s all about system change from capitalism (free enterprise) to Socialism-Communism. The Climate Change HOAX was Karl Marx’s idea. It took time to ‘condition’ the people so they would believe such a HOAX!”

It is thinking like that which makes the system dysfunctional. And it is bad from conservatives and liberals.



Case in point:
Whaaaat?
Rent-seekers???

Such people do thing like this...

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Gift horse: "My gums are bleeding."

Vet: "Well this is a professional dilemma..."
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Wireless earbuds…
I don’t even own any and I’ve lost them already.
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Me: For my 1st wish I want a case of beer.
Genie: Are you sure? You can buy that at any store.
Me: My 2nd wish is for you to mind your own business.
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Crying wolf too often…
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I finally quit drinking for good.
Now I drink for evil.
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Remember child labor laws?
These laws don’t apply to farm labor. That kid second from the end can't be over 9 or 10. At least they get to work in the shade.
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I’ve been betting on NASCAR lately.
There are people who say that people only watch NASCAR to see the wrecks. These people have never bet money on the races.
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Such a famous woman for nobody recognizing her.
Elizabeth Andrew Borden aka Lizzie Borden found herself at the center of one of the most infamous unsolved murders ever.
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I want to believe so badly…
But calling stuff like this “proof” that aliens exist just doesn’t do it for me.


I’m also a gambler and the odds that one of those things have flown around and/or visited with humans is not all that great. That sometimes saddens me.
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Five Secrets of Successful People:
1. Don't
2. Tell
3. Anyone
4. Your
5. Secrets
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Street Art with a soul.
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Did you know that a candle flame smells like burned nose hair?
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A couple of oldies classics.
 
I’m thinking of making the last images of each post oldies. We shall see.
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If history is any indication a lot more stuff is bound to happen.
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