About Me

My photo
I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Monday, March 28, 2016

MONDAY #2656


One Of My Very Own…









> 
Sunday my bar was closed for Easter, so in the afternoon I went to a bar one and half blocks from my house. Because just about every other bar in the city was closed, the bar I went to was full of….bartenders. I would like to state, as a matter of fact, that bartenders are very funny people…to a man…or woman...of course they had heard every joke and bon mont from a thousand people in the last month. I had a wonderful time. And most of them knew me...or at least of me.




> 

If I had one of these I would never get anything done…
Oh, yeah, I don’t get anything done now.




>
This was posted next to the door of the bar I visit on Tuesday to get smoked chicken wings.
I understood the colors - to keep out gang members, but the others were confusing. Come to find out, the sign was posted to keep out motor cycle clubs. The patches are self explanatory; cuts are denim jackets with the sleeves cut off at the shoulder.


>


>

OCD has as a benefit being very pleased when you see something like this...


> 
I had some food stuck in my teeth and now I'm an international beatboxing champion.

>


An inexpensive butter sprayer...


What a wonderful idea.


>


Wood is good.




> 

My wife got a call from a charity asking her to donate her old clothes for starving people. She told them anybody who fits into her clothes isn't starving.


>


More people who can't get insurance...


>

This may not give me a hard-on, but at least a little tingle...




>
Silly but mildly amusing...









That structure, though, must be universal because it works so well at distribution. It could be roots, a tree, veins in a leaf, our blood system, etc.

I love that shape, but not this much...

> 
One of the perks of being a woman is that no one can ever surprise you with a kid years later and tell you you're the mom.

>
How delightful...




>


The Gömböc is a self-righting object, which means that no matter which way you put it down, it stands itself back up. It's like a Weeble, except it doesn't cheat by having a weight at the bottom, and it's the only shape that can do this.

The existence of a shape with these properties was conjectured in 1995, but it took ten years for someone to figure out how to actually make one that worked. And then everyone was embarrassed when it turned out that turtles had evolved this same basic shape in their shells a long time ago, to make it easier for them to roll themselves back over if they get flipped.
Well, not every turtle...
You know, for a turtle that has to be embarrassing.


> 

If money talks, then all mine says is good-bye.

>

Case in point...





> 

I’ve come to a point in my life where I need a stronger word than fuck.

>


All space flights to date...
A close-up...


Amazing.


>
Hand Carved from Alabaster Stone

>


Watch a movie about people stuck in an elevator, and there was this lady's neck.

>



> 

The bar exploded with laughter when the bartender showed everyone a text where the person spelled out the word hashtag instead of using the symbol.

>


I think the pins are spinning. What say you?

>

I'll turn this over to the unparalleled knowledge base of the readers of this blog, some of whom undoubtedly will be able to explain this to the rest of the Folio Olio Club. 


On a similar note...




> 

At my bar they have a guy who moved here from Scotland. He was absolutely sure that you had to rewind DVD movies. His reasoning was this: If you stop a movie, then come back to it later, it’s still at the same spot, therefore if you don’t rewind it, then it will be stuck at that spot for the next person.

>

Tornado decimates school gymnasium


> 

Several of the young people at my bar were discussing whether or not they were popular in high school. Finally they turned to me and ask if I was popular. I said, “I used to think about that until the 10th grade when a girl showed me what my dick was for, then I never thought about it again.”

>

And it's all men's fault...



So, who do you suppose made this woman do this?


Other women.

And exactly who's idea was it for her to do this?

Her own.

>

Who would not be impressed by this?
I've seen several glaciers in Alaska and they are as blue as a very blue sky. You can see it there in the leading edge.

>



> 

I like circling random dates on my wife’s calendar then straight facing it when she freaks over not remembering what she has to do.

>


How to make sure you are never invited over to meet his parents...


> 

You call them curse words. I call them sentence enhancers.

>


>


Looking down onto the floor of the Florence Cathedral


> 

A shoutout to everyone who managed to get through the day without taking a nap. You are the ones that drive up the health care costs.

>



> 

Anybody else drank so much that they took a cab to Wendy’s?

>


>


From a guy I don't know:
"I keep having to sign contracts where I waive all rights "throughout the universe." Lately, I've been crossing out 'universe' and writing in 'solar system,'" said some guy I don't know.

The "throughout the universe" thing apparently began as a kind of lawyer's joke, and spread.

>
I have no idea what that means. Help me?

>



> 

I am a sex attic.

>




No comments:

Random Post

Random Posts Widget

Blog Archive