About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Monday, April 11, 2016

MONDAY #2669


One Of My Very Own…


ralph.henry.at.folio.olio@gmail.com 





Those crazy bastards at SpaceX landed a rocket on a fuckin' boat.
 

This is extraordinary...

The boat is rocking....ROCKING!

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Yesterday's post got a lot of attention.

Most believers do this sort of thing all the time.
I just do it to ALL religions, not just the ones different than mine. 

And the part about people just making stuff up...
You can't throw a dead cat at the internet without coming across a headline line for the one above: SUPPRESSED NASA PHOTOS OF THE MOON.


POLITICS:



I talked to a gay friend today about this whole mess. He found it interesting that women in Mississippi would agree to share a bathroom with a woman who now has a penis than a man who now has a vagina. It just doesn't make sense.

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This is one of my favorite bartenders (the zoo lady) on her wedding day.

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This is what I want to do with my new computer.
If I had known how much grief it would cause me, I would have paid money NOT TO BUY IT!




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There is no reason that these have to be mounted on the ground.
They should be installed high on the outside wall of your house and used to flush your toilet. 

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 Rather shallow isn't it?
Although every bar I go into I am greeted by name by the entire waitstaff.

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I told a young woman about this very thing yesterday.
 At an early age I gave my daughters $7 a week to buy pencils, paper, etc at school. I was spending at least that much replacing lost items, so it was break even for me. After that first week, I counted out $5 for one and $5.50 for the other one. They protested, of course, but then I told them to remember the times I asked them if they wanted me to take their empty coke can to the trash, or take their shoes to their toom, etc, and they had say, Yes. Well, I get 50 cents for each chore they ask me to do like that.
Gentle Reader, I never had to clean up after them again...for the rest of their lives.
You might want to write that down.

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And...


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 When you're on a date that's not going well, just start talking about genital psoriasis.

You're welcome.

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I have always thought that the number of fake buttons on suit sleeves indicated how expensive the suit was.

Now a company is selling attachable buttons so you can fake the fake buttons!
 It's a great time to be alive.


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Sometimes I buy enormous pants and take a picture of myself holding them up just to feel like I lost a ton of weight.

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Do you need a ride?"

 - Me, to every jogger I pass in my car
[ Have any idea how tired joggers get with that "gag?"]

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Ladies and gentlemen, the father of the year...


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I used to race motorcycles. Man, those things are a lot faster than me.

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It even has a laser sight!


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Think of the near perfect defense mechanism that allows you to flee your whole environment when threatened.
 The operative word was "Near" perfect.

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The sad part is...
Relatively intelligent people still believe that story. But remember, without her evil original sin, Jesus' purpose loses all meaning. 
And then there's this guy...
Most religions have ceased to discuss the devil anymore with real problems of..oh...logic. If god made everything, then that means he created the devil and if he did that then he's just an asshole.

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Practice makes perfect...

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The life cycle of the monarch is tightly linked with the milkweed plant. Females lay almost all of their eggs on these plants, and the larvae happily munch on them when they hatch. Milkweed tends to pop up in areas where the soil has been disturbed, like farm fields.

As with other weeds, farmers have long tried to keep milkweed from growing amidst (and competing with) their crops. But the introduction of genetically modified corn and soybeans that could survive being sprayed by the herbicide glyphosate (better known by its original trade name “Roundup”) suddenly gave farmers a more effective way to clear plants like milkweed, thus the Monarch butterfly is headed for a rapid extinction in the eastern US.
There are pleas for all of us to start growing our own milkweed to aid the little bastards. 

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What a wonderful analysis of the situation...


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My mother always told me "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all"...and some people wonder why I'm so quiet around them.

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Let's just call them art and be done with it...


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You know how people play video games by pushing all the buttons at once? That's how I'm handling adulthood.

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One of these children will grow up to be a brain surgeon.
 The other one will be the reason you need a brain surgeon.

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Do. Not. Fuck. With. This. Person.

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That reminds me of that other quote about you don't "believe" in evolution. You understand it or you don't.

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Inside a specimen collection room at the Smithsonian.

And this woman looks exactly like what one would expect a specimen room employee to look like.

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I watch the movie "The Days To Come" about the near future when all major societies turn into what they call a "Welfare Democracy."

One cool part was the intersections where all the cars are going about 50mph and because they are self-driving they don't have to stop because they can calculate where the gaps are.


Quote: Her:

Him:

The gap between the haves and havenots is so great that you have to have an armed guard to get your food to the car.

The shelves are so bare people steal stuff out of other people's carts...

 Anyway, it had some very clever parts but screwed it up with unlikely love triangles and unbelievable coincidences.

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Ever think about an old friend and wonder what they're doing right now? They're playing on their phone. Everyone is playing on their phone.

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We can all criticize people who do this...
But equal blame goes to the government for not having easy access to trash cans. 

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Some sort of wind vortex?


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I want to be a dog and have someone feed me treats for sitting down.


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The man is entitled to his opinion, but this has not been my observations of stoners. 

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The longer you look at this, the funnier it gets...

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THINGS THAT I THINK I MAY HAVE POSTED PREVIOUSLY BUT CAN'T BE CERTAIN


 


Aside from his ineptness, why would anyone want to beat up a half naked woman.




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Alcohol doesn’t kill people, people who run out of alcohol kill people.

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