About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Wednesday, April 27, 2016

WEDNESDAY #2684

One Of My Very Own…

I have been greeting people with the phrase "What a day for a daydream" for the last few days.



ralph.henry.at.folio.olio@gmail.com



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I have discovered that the US Postal Service does not like to be fucked with. The first 10 of those 50 packets I wanted to mail to every state capital have been returned for numerous reasons. Sometimes they arrive back in my mailbox in groups of three or four in an envelope with demands that I follow the rules. The first demand was that they would require hand sorting and would require 22 cents more postage. I added another 47 cents just to make sure. Then they came back for being the wrong size. Then they said the address was inadequate; another that I needed a "better" address. So I have given up and just mount them like I've mounted my other key packets.

Most of the packets with the mailing tag attached are stamped, and I'm wondering if the stamp will delay removals. I mean, it could be construed as "mail" and fucking with mail is a serious crime.
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He was asked who would play him in a movie of his life...



I agree.
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I'm still fucking with my friend from Scotland. The last time I asked him if they have rain in Scotland and will drop "If all Scots are homosexual, how do they have babies?" on him the next time we meet.

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Well, I pretty much solved my font size problem all by myself, thank you very much, but with the solution for that problem comes lack of control for spacing between lines; bold, italics and colors; and inability to add YouTube clips at will. So be forewarned, my rust colored clips are no longer rust colored and my be confused with comment on an image...deal with it.

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My latest letter to the editor:
I applaud the University of South Carolina for sanctioning alcoholic beverage consumption at each and every Williams-Brice Stadium football game. Having had no reported arrests, injuries or other problems associated with the vast amounts of condoned alcohol consumption since this enlightened policy was authorized is testament to the wisdom of said policy.

My only complaint is the cost, which is upwards of $100K annually. It should be rather obvious to the officials in charge of such things that the average life-long fan, such as myself, does not have that kind of discretionary income to expend on a luxury box which enables one to legally drink a cold beer while watching their beloved Gamecocks play football on one of those hot September Saturdays. Perhaps instead of demanding such an exorbitant drinking fee, it could be lowered to something more reflective of the demographics of the average fan…say, $5 per beer, or $7 if they want to make an obscene profit…perhaps to fund a few STEM scholarships.



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This is the longest building in the world. 

Lutsk, Ukraine



Well, Ukraine, no wonder Putin wanted a piece of you, your building are too damn long.

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How the sun looks when you take pictures at the same place and time every week for a year.



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Why do they even bother having different brands of milk?
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This is absolute bullshit...



They have been running thousands of ads to convince you that the little label is uncomfortable. The same label that aids in positioning the T-shirt's front and back prior to donning. Of course, the whole issue is to save the manufacturers a little money.

I wear gray tees, some of them rather dark. You have no idea how hard it is for me to get my T-shirt on in one attempt.

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I get a real kick out of this sort of thing...







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Guy moved into a new house and found this in the basement...



When he opened it, he found some coins and a photograph.



And this was the photograph.



Use your imagination....take as long as you need.

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Group therapy at San Quentin



It is hard for most of us to accept the fact that there are people with absolutely no morals...no feelings of guilt or remorse. These people were most likely abused beyond understanding, but still, they must be isolated from the rest of us.

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If you play the movie Jaws backwards it's basically a story about a shark with bulimia.
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I regret that I have to admit this, but the reason people fear Muslims is the same reason white people fear black people. Just about all the arrests in my city are black people. It is taken for granted that if your car is broken into or your bike stolen that a young black guy did it. This is not an irrational fabrication of fact...it is mere observation. And with Muslims, we really don't care if the guilty in your midst is 10% or .0001%....it's still greater than that Mormon guy or the soccer mom standing in line with me at the airport, and I am well within my rights to fear you more.

And it is not totally irrational to deduct that this is risky.



Let this sink in...



The question is not "Are you paranoid?" But are you paranoid enough?

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People who say love is dead have obviously never seen me drink a beer out of a frosted mug.
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I wonder if anyone has ever used a voodoo doll as a tampon.
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Have you ever wondered if it's possible to absorb mercury with a sponge?



Of course you have. And no, it isn't possible.

Have you ever wondered what would happen if you injected hydrogen peroxide into a tick.



Of course you haven't. That's just freaky.

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The Kardashians



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First modern scans of people high on psychedelic drug has given researchers unprecedented insight into neural basis for its effects.

This could be a game changer. Read all about it here:

https://www.theguardian.com/science/2016/apr/11/lsd-impact-brain-revealed-groundbreaking-images

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Did you notice that was bare handed?

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I've shown something like this before, but not this fast.



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You may have many best friends, but your dog only has one.
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I have a leather jacket that I have owned for 25 years. That means I wore it longer than the cow it came from.
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Scientists report that common antibacterial compounds found in those soaps, namely triclosan and triclocarban, may increase the risk of infections, alter the gut microbiome, and spur bacteria to become resistant to prescription antibiotics. Meanwhile, proof of the soaps’ benefits is slim.

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I should have thought of this...



His mom said that he had to wear a tie.

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Keep calm and act like you know what you are doing is the best advice you will ever get.
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Silly...yes, but it has Morgan Freeman in it.

Oh, look, here's another one...



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I feel sorry for the morbidly obese. It's such a judgmental label, and really, haven't they got enough on their plates?
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What the hell did he expect?



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When you buy a bigger bed you have more bed room, but less bedroom.
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I want one.



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Simplicity is good...



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It makes carbonated cola...



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Dating a single mother is like playing someone else's save game.
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1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Please have your wife video tape you putting on a t-shirt and post it to this blog. Sounds entertaining

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