About Me

My photo
I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Wednesday, May 25, 2016

WEDNESDAY #2712

One Of My Very Own…



ralph.henry.at.folio.olio@gmail.com



A long-time viewer told me that what she liked most about my blog was that I wrote exactly the way I talk and while she reads she just pretends I'm sitting beside her on a bar stool.

>
I was loaned a DVD of Star Wars and before the movie started I was given some options and I selected what I thought was closed caption. Well, when the movie started this voice said, "On a backdrop of deep space twinkling letters slowly appear spelling out Lucas Studio. On the same background of deep space written in a curvy font outlined in yellow is Star Wars. Now words begin to stroll up the screen from the bottom and disappear into infinity..."

I thought it was hilarious. Come to find out that option is for the visually impaired.

>
Wondering how much true Swedish history there was in the movie The Girl King. Any of you Swedes out there want to enlighten this mere American?

>
I am happy to announce that we here in central South Carolina has had a wonderful Spring, weatherwise. It's been in the 70s and 80s for about two months.

>

Baby It's Cold Outside.

That was the song that a young Muslim was listening to in a dance club when he got the idea to write the first condemnation of the "west." Among other things, was his revulsion of the outline of young breasts through tight sweaters. He is said to be the father of radical Islam.



>
If you ever come across a bear in the wild, throw a tiny bicycle at him. Then, just let his circus instincts take care of the rest.

>
I regret that I didn't get the guy's name, but this is his statements on the status of Liberty in the world.





And lest you thought the US immune...

Pretty damn powerful stuff.

>
Most people have a very finely developed crap detectors.

We know that people exaggerate their achievements, stretch the truth, and out right lie to us. We learned that before we entered kindergarten. Now these same people have taken the most powerful tool mankind has ever made and they use it for this.



And even though we know there are or have been thousands of "holy" books; and we know that they are full of lies; and we really don't believe there are billions of screaming people under the ground being tortured by the devil; even with all that we were taught that a man and his family built a boat big enough to transport, feed and have non-salt water for millions of animals and what do we do with this ridiculous information? WE TEACH IT TO OUR CHILDREN AS FACT!!!



>
Everything you need to know about men in one image.


>
If I was a character in a horror movie I would try to finish whatever I'm eating before I die.
>
See anything odd about this image?

These "cliffs" are about 8 inches tall.

>
I sincerely believe every word of this.


>
Wildlife Reserve Worker Weeping Next to Poached Rhino.

In my opinion we are attacking the problem from the wrong end. The poachers are desperately poor people who feel they must do anything possible to insure their own survival. We can kill or jail thousands of them and there will be thousands to take their place.

On the other end of the demand chain, however, are very rich, albeit stupid, people with erectile dysfunction who will do anything to stay out of jail. I propose we greatly increase the penalties for possession of the horns or its byproducts. It would only take the widespread publication of the first few convictions and sentencing to give pause to other potential sellers or buyers.

>
When I ask my wife if she wants more wings.


>
I bring my own pen into the bank because I don't need any god dammed chains telling me where I can and cannot write.
>
I've seen people play poker just like this.

We call that a "tell."

>
We can't all be rays of sunshine...

Yeah, that would be me.

>
Got some free time?

Imagine if some part of that was your actual phone number and people all over the world tried that.

>
Student Analogies






And my favorite...


>
How many solutions can you come up with?


>
Do you think people with amnesia still remember the Alamo?
>
WHEN THINGS DON'T GO AS PLANNED


Attempting to scare a United States Marine...idiot.


What did she expect to come out of the ass of a horse...latte?

Speaking of horses...

Can we all assume that was an accident and just get on with our lives.

>
BACK WHEN WAR WAS EVERYBODY'S BUSINESS

I've stated previously that every army makes the same mistake. They think that if they inflict enough pain on another country, then they will lose their will to fight.

Here are some of those "terrorized" British populace.


Even waking up to this every day...


The pain inflicted by the Germans only hardened their resolve. But the what was the strategy of the Allies? Bomb the Germans into submission. That didn't work either. German war production went UP after the bombing started.

And, of course, the other side had the exact same issues as their enemies.

Making omelettes on a hot Panzer in North African.

With all that said, I don't understand why suicide bombers in a civilian market in the Middle East is a strategy with any hope of succeeding.
I asked that question several years ago and got an answer similar to this: If you ask a girl to marry you and she says no, then you kill her sisters, she will probably say yes.
I agree. But every day for the rest of her life she will be plotting to kill your sadistic ass.
Further, it is said that every bomb the United States drops over there creates even more "terrorists." If that's true, why doesn't the same rule apply to the market bombers on the other side?

Would love to hear you thoughts on this.

>


>
During the years these ruled the road, there were reports of a simple rear-end crash by a motorcycle turning it into an impaling due to the fins.


>
Women's clothes have no pockets so designers can sell them bags.
>
These are all I got.

5+4=9

0+4=4

8-4=4


>


>
Street Magic: Close your eyes and move your head in a figure 8. But I only posted it because of?

There's a Ralph in it.

>
Oddly satisfying.


>
All married men have had the wife maintain eye contact while slowly rearranging the dishwasher.
>


>
Am I the only one who didn't know about this.


>
ENGINEERING

I love engineering almost as much as architecture. Here are a few things that made my jaw drop.


A glass floor? Seriously? If Microsoft has taught me anything, it's to never trust windows, no matter how stable it may appear.

>


>
I read that this thing is so well-balanced that it only takes a small electric motor to turn it.

But what about the shape. Those pointy things must be necessary, but I can't figure out why.

If you have children, show them this...

The most expensive thing ever built.

And what do we use such technology to accomplish?

>
Sometimes passing by a nursing home was the only reminder I needed to go buy my kids whatever they wanted.
>



And more perplexing, with the world starting to flood no one person thought, "Hey, I think I better get in my boat."

4 comments:

Peter Burnett said...

E plus 4 does not equal 4.

Ninja Grrrl said...

Move does not equal remove.

Anonymous said...

6-4 is not equal to 4.

Keep up the good work.

Andy said...

If E is equal to 0 it does.

Random Post

Random Posts Widget

Blog Archive