About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Sunday, June 5, 2016

SUNDAY #2723

One Of My Very Own…

Let's try that again...


May I speak frankly? Of course I can.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to come up with truly funny OOMVOs every fucking day? Try it yourself. Try to think of something funny to tell your spouse every morning...morning after morning. Let me know when you run dry of ideas. With that said, please cut me a little slack...I would really appreciate it. I'm not looking for any sort of sympathy, I'm asking for understanding.


ralph.henry.at.folio.olio@gmail.com



Let's use today to catch up on the numerous items in my file that I've meant to get off my mind.
- I asked some of the young people at my bar what they thought when I said Capulet and Montaque and they knew. That made me so proud.
- Somebody stole a NASCAR race car and after taking it for a spin dropped it off in a residential neighborhood. For some perverse reason, that makes me smile.
- Many comments sent to me from people who have found my key packets, but not one from a mouse trap installation. Interesting, that.
- There are webcams in a dog kennel near me so you can watch your boarded dog 24/7. Which is nice.
- I would really like to know what religion the critics were that found Adolf Hitler's painting banal. The pictures were, of course, totally devoid of emotion. He was a mere illustrator. You might want to learn the difference. The next time you look at a painting of...say, a barn, ask yourself if it affects you. That's a loaded question, I know, but if it doesn't make you have thoughts you seldom think, then what good is it? Just decoration so your neighbors think you are cool? Please.




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Elin Wägner standing next to 351,454 signatures demanding women get the right to vote. Sweden 1914.


Remember, our documents state that all MEN were created equally.
Now let's think about this. It took a long, long time after our country was founded before women got the vote. But today we are very critical of relatively newly formed countries for not doing what it took us so long to do. I think there is a maturation period that all cultures need to figure it all out, and we should be more understanding.

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CARTOONS I FOUND VERY FUNNY





Can one of you help me with that last one?

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I so hope you guys know why that last image is relevant.

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CAGE OF THROWN






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CEO of KFC: "We must always respect our customers. That is most important."
The New Guy: "Shall we still serve them food in a bucket?"
CEO: "Of course."


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Fossilized dinosaur skin

You do realize that this one object proves the whole basis of the bible is a lie, don't you?

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Not all heroes wear capes...

Some would call him a prick, but I think he deserves credit for that extreme level of evilness.

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The headline “WORLD’S OLDEST PERSON DIES” should be reworded to “WORLD HAS NEW OLDEST PERSON”.

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Interesting read...

Note: When I run across something like that, I have no idea if it is factual. That's where you come in. I will redact any bullshit if you just let me know.

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Look at reaction of girl in blue shirt, then watch the boys' completely different reaction.


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Many people are shocked when they find out I'm not a good electrician.
(Shocked.)


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ANIMALS DOING....STUFF...

Well, I didn't see that coming...

I had no idea the drones were that powerful.

Chicken Coop. Fox has been caught in flagrante delicto.


Oh, hell no....

And that looks like a rather new facility. What's up with that?

Let's take another look at this extremely well-trained giraffe...


Tree frog stuck to glass.


Snake in 50 million year old amber.


Putin On A Bear Action Figure


Speaking of toys...


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This is kind of fun. Famous book titles without vowels or spaces...

That was much harder than one would have thought.

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The best thing I ever did was install a fake doorbell. Now no one ever knocks on my door.
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What an interesting question. Respond to it as you will.

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GOOD IDEAS...


The company has unveiled Sneakairs, a pair of bright orange trainers with a built-in GPS that, along with a Bluetooth connection, chat with the EasyJet app on your phone and use sensors to vibrate each shoe in the direction you need to turn, after you’ve finished selecting a destination on Google Maps. The trainers will also warn you if you’ve staggered off course.

What a wonderful idea.


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Why does this not surprise me?


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Amazing video wall display

I don't like the word "amazing" anymore, but it seems to fit in this instance. I wonder if there is accompanying audio.

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PROVING THAT YOU ARE A STUPID HUMAN BEING...


This idiot was found guilty of assault and reckless endangerment.

Remember the day Phil Jones forgot he had legs. Still one of the greatest 7 seconds in soccer history.


Texting while being stupid...


????


Shit you don't see every day...


Does stupidity know no bounds?


We all have that one friend...

Story Time: Guy next to me on the beer aisle at the grocery store called his buddy on the phone and I heard him say, "What kind of beer do you want?" Then after a short delay said, "Busch? Nobody drinks Busch unless they are on parole!"

How to not live very long as a prankster.

Notice that stupid bastard didn't try that shit in Texas. He didn't even consider that someone might run out in front of a bus. That shit ain't funny, y'all...but I stilled laughed.

2Girls1Cup

I personally think it would have been much funnier if he had said, "I've seen shit...."

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"It's a banana in my pocket."
"May I remind the defendant that he's under oath?"
*averts eyes*
"I'm glad to see you."
(that is very funny)


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I'll let these speak for themselves.




2 comments:

Uncle CR said...

re: "Frank - don't do that."

Cowboy Frank has his legs crossed tightly in an almost feminine pose. The other cowboys prefer a wide, manly stable stance for their feet.

On the other hand, if the boys are eating beans 'round the old campfire their sitting posture may be a result of their flatulence-inducing meal.

Ninja Grrrl said...

I think age has a lot to do with knowing your strengths and weaknesses, if you're paying attention. Also on the cowboy cartoon the first thing I noticed was someone chewing with their mouth open. I'm one of those people who is greatly unsettled by certain words or sounds, and this sound in particular requires me to make a real effort to constantly distract myself from the noise, otherwise I am so full of rage it's ridiculous. I have never understood why this was so hard for me. I read a potential explanation in a book called, When Rabbit Howls. But I know people who are wired like I am who did not grow up as I did. So who the fuck knows. Brains are just plain weird.

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