About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Monday, August 15, 2016

MONDAY #2793

One Of My Very Own…


Malia Obama caught on camera smoking pot...the world yawns.
Michelle Carter - 1st US Medal since 1960 and 1st Gold ever.

She beat out my friend for a spot on the team. I guess if you have to be beat, be beat by the best.
Woman burning niqab to mark the end of IS rule in Manbij.

Never clap along with an opera. They get very upset...and throw things...heavy things.

Tardigrade - Now a Halloween costume

And Indian on an Indian.

A couple of things that speak for themselves...

Angel: Those humans seem to be doing well.
God: Give them more diseases.

Oh, look!

Another young woman has been purchased for a market manipulated inflated priced DeBeers diamond. How exciting.

Had Leo not been gay...

Rule 39 compliant, but reluctantly.

When your wife asks you "Do I look stupid to you?" it's a rhetorical question. I know this now.

A pretty good idea...

Let's insult people.

Then there's this guy...

Is the young black man genocide going on in the ghettos a mere media manipulation?

Let's double down on this...

Yes, little buddy, it is. Funny, but racist.

I met a young woman who was an art restorer.

As one would imagine, you have to be exceedingly careful about what chemicals you use on which painting.

WOOD...no not that kind

I read a very interesting article about the need to carefully saw a log into lumber.

There are dozens and dozens of patterns to use, each trying to avoid problems like this...

Here's a simple jig for laying out miter joint cuts.

This is a good idea.

But I would sure as shit find a cheaper ladder.



La fracture ne change pas l'image de la réalité.

Images that invite a story be written...

The image above is a repost, but you must agree that it demands an explanation; either true or invented.

Here's some more that invite one to imagine the story...

This does the same for me...

You would think all French men would know this by now...

I miss the 80s, when you could hide an alien in your room for 3 days before mom found out and five kids on bikes could outsmart the police.



Two Elephants, One Cup?

Story Time: My brother-in-law was visiting someone in the hospital when a nurse came in to check on one of the other patients, finding him in the bathroom....dead. They brought in all kinds of equipment, but to no avail. The bathroom was covered in shit. Come to find out, the man had been admitted for acute constipation. I asked, "Did he die from a broken neck when his head hit the ceiling?"

Enough about me, let's look at a woman's beautiful feet...

How hot is it?

Two people without a panic gene...

That was a terrorist attack.


A man with a water balloon taped to his head.

A. An arrow goes right through the balloon.
B. Another balloon hits him in the face.
C. An arrow hits him in the shoulder.
D. Nothing.

Guy #2 is holding a toy stool

A. A car runs over him.
B. He drop kicks it into his daughter's eye.
C. He sits on it and it holds his weight.
D. He sits on it and shoves the support post up his ass.


I wonder how many people know that that is exactly what happened in Candide by Voltaire.

Ralph, indeed. I rewrote Candide, setting it in modern times and calling it Candy. It is a hoot, even if I have to say so myself.

"Kids these days have it too easy," said the generation that could buy a house on a wage from unskilled work at age 21.


Yeah, and look what happened to him.

D. Nothing.

It wasn't even a gif.

D. He sits on it and shoves the support post up his ass.

You enjoyed that?

I agree, but damn!

The blood stain in the crotch is a nice touch, as is the hat.
I think the most prudent way to address the "problem" is to let the kid make up his own mind when he gets to legal age.


Yesterday, a man got up from his barstool at the other end of the bar, walked down the bar and stopped directly behind my barstool to talk to the bartender. He was a normal Southern bar patron in every way; no hint of the lunacy that would come out of his mouth in the next moments. He said, "I would like to buy the drain thing in the bottom of the urinal."
This is what he meant.

I immediately through up both of my arms and said, "Those words, sir, has never been formed into a sentence before. I'm sure of it!"
The bartender looked at him questioningly and the guy said, "I'm serious," so the bartender went back to the kitchen to talk to the manager. We all turned and stared at the man and he said, "I have a urinal in my workshop, and that cinnamon cake smells great." I told him that I, too, had a urinal in my studio, and about that time the manager emerged with a new drain thingy. The man took it, beamed and said, "Oh, my, this is even better - CHERRY BLOSSOM!"
Of course, we all freaked the fuck out. The man paid $5 for it and left. We but stared at one another.

A couple of Game of Thrones funnies...

I thought that last one very funny.


I would have erected a huge middle finger.

Clinton and Trump now enter the part of the election where they each have to spend a week looking after an egg with “America” written on it.


No, please, no...

Turning an innocent child into a hater one fairy tale at a time.
Just wondering, in the day and age, when your child asks you if woman was really made from the rib of a man can you say yes without laughing?

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