About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Saturday, September 3, 2016

SATURDAY #2812

One Of My Very Own…



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KEY PACKET TUTORIAL
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Does anybody but me remember that Gene Wilder was in Bonny and Clyde?

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Bummer.


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A good friend of ours is having twins.

Wife said husband turned pale when they got the news.
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ISS captures three hurricanes in time-lapse video, two in Pacific and one in Atlantic

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I lost more money than I have bet on any sporting event in a decade on Thursday night's Carolina/Vandy game. It wasn't that I had a lot of money bet with any person, but $10 bets spread out over the whole fucking building adds up.

Each bill I owed I adorned with this stamp...

One guy, an old lawyer who is famous for arguing cases before the SC Supreme Court, saw the stamp and laughed so hard I thought he was going to fall down. He told me he would never spend it, but I don't believe it.

You might be wondering why I would bet money that my team was going to lose. Well, in any game your team either wins or it loses. If my team lost, at least I would feel good about the money I won. If my team wins, I feel good about that, but regret the monetary lose. I call that a win-win, but I'm not a rational person.

Speaking of gambling, here is week one of my NFL pool.

Print that out and see how you do. The rules are rather straight forward. You simply circle who you think will win the game. The numbers on the list are the bookie odds and the stars are home games.
Then you place the numbers (called confidence points) 1 through 16 for each game...you must use all the numbers. After Monday night's game you simply count the number of points you lost.

(I hope that isn't too undecipherable.)
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We are all smart enough to recognize how shitty the world is, but not smart enough to do anything about it.


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You were warned.

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In 1950, the interior of the White House was dismantled, leaving the building as a shell. It was then rebuilt using concrete and steel beams in place of its original wooden joists.

I was 4 years old when it started, but I was old enough to remember when it was finished...it was pretty big news.
I can assume there were some pretty neat secret shit going on, since it was during the onset of the Cold War when nuclear war was a real possibility.

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So, did you Google any of that stuff I specifically told you not to?

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Here's another example of a topic I've mentioned before.

There are so many books, articles, blogs, etc about black people being and doing everything from being the first American Indians to discovering the zero to claiming all Pharaohs were all black...now they were celts.

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Dear parents,
I regularly hang out around a whole bunch of young people and I don't know one who doesn't do a little dope from time to time.

If you have a son or daughter who tells you they never use it; they are most probably lying to you...because you are a judgmental asshole.

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PHOTOGRAPHY

There is nobody in America who would not find this view breathtaking, and, I guess, taking a picture of it is okay.


You drive up to your vacation cabin and gasp, "Oh, it is so beautiful I must take a picture." That's okay. Predictable, but okay.


We have all seen things that are just breathtaking...

But breathtaking does not a good photograph make.

This horse is breathtaking...

But a photograph of it is not the same thing.

This is a wonderful photograph. You've got the repeating patterns and for drama you have the menacing intruding shape reaching for the riders in the bottom left; and the color is otherworldly.

If you move art from hobby to Art, then it has to stand up to the same rules of design as a painting or a sculpture.

And to my horror, what is the internet absolutely full of?

One of these days I am going to run across my very first artistic photograph of a cat. I will post it when I do.

But wait, there's more. I do understand taking a picture of your cat so that when it gets run over by the garbage truck you will have something to remind you of what it looked like live. But why would anyone want to SHARE that image? It baffles me.

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Nice idea...hat thing works perfectly.



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There is an actual website with hundreds of different kinds of animals doing this 'Grass is always greener' thing.

I'd like to meet the guy who spent all that time putting it together because I have a few questions for him. First and foremost is "Why?"

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As a fan of architecture, I looked at this for a long time.

From the ground I might have a whole nother take, but from that image I just think the architect tried to impress us just a little too hard.

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Cobblestones and bicycle seats...

"I've never come this way before," she said with that naughty smile.

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Ancient Egyptian Prince Was The World's First Archaeologist

Egyptian societies were remembered for centuries after his death. Khaemweset has been described as 'the first Egyptologist' due to his efforts in identifying and restoring historic buildings, tombs and temples.

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I wonder if you can buy those little frames somewhere so you could do that at home with you kids.

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I would bet this is the very last time this lady allows herself to be talked into such a thing...

Notice how she refuses to put her lips together without a Kleenex.

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A server was asked if she was "cultured," and she said, "I don't know what that means, so probably not." (TRUE)

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The most renowned example of abstinence in the Bible resulted in pregnancy.

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PEOPLE BEHAVING VERY BADLY




Kid escapes police cruiser using only a lighter


Attempted Murder by an Idiot

Did you notice that the first thing people did was hurry away? To keep from getting blood on their clothing. To avoid seeing mangled bodies? Or to avoid being kept as a witness?



How lame is it to blame your dick problem on a dead gorilla?!

Wedding guest reaction after a terrorist bomb went off near the ceremony in Turkey.

I would take that as a very powerful omen and just keep walking. Is there such a thing as annulment in Islam?

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Margaret Abbott (1878-1955) was the first American woman to win at an Olympic event.

She won the women's golf tournament at the 1900 Paris Games, which were so poorly organized that many competitors, including Abbott, did not realize that the events they entered were part of the Olympics. Historical research did not establish that the game was on the Olympic program until after Abbott's death, so she herself never knew it.

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Hyena Road is a movie about a Canadian unit in Afghanistan. It was well worth watching.
They were just as confused about why they were there as the American boys and girls I've talked to.


There rules of engagement were even more absurd than ours. This guy just watch a group of men raid a farm and drag off all the little girls to sell in the black market and they could do nothing about it because the thieves had no weapons.

There was another line that stuck with me. An old Afghan saying: You might have the clocks. But we have the time.

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When a game comes on the TV and I tell my bar mates I really don't want to bet on the outcome.

I will admit that I bet every single day. I even bet on the Little League World Series! I've bet on the exact minute of a kick off to start a football game. I will bet over/under on anything you can imagine. But I don't bet a whole lot of money. My gambling is like my drinking. I don't drink a lot; I drink a little bit all the time.

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THE THINGS PEOPLE SAY












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My bartender asked, "First beer of the day?" And I asked how she knew, and she said, "You are holding it with two hands like a mug of hot cocoa."

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Let's take another look at this...


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The tallest person on Earth has been the same height as every other person at one point.

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I sat through a seminary class with a dozen soon to be ordained ministers and none of them...NONE...of them believed any of the miracles in the bible. It was just stories to make the message more palatable.





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