About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Thursday, November 10, 2016


One Of My Very Own…


Let's start off with this uplifting ditty from my youth...

Remember the bet I made that Trump would get less than 186 electoral votes?

I got beat so bad, that to let the stupidity sink in I paid the young man double his winnings. True.

As could have been predicted, the interweb had a few things to say about the election.

You might want to read all of this...

That's true, by the way.

The was, of course, some bright spots...

And there was sanity in a few places...

The average 3-year-old child can stick 11 kernels of corn up their nose before they need a trip to the ER. Use a condom.

People who live in areas with more ocean visibility have lower levels of psychological distress (an indicator of mental health) regardless of income or neighborhood quality.
(Health & Place PsyPost)

Let's just get this out of the way right now. Fuck Monsanto. The way I have it figured is that they have the worst public relations firm in the world, or they do shit on purpose...just to piss me off...personally.

So, can I fill my car up by driving backwards?

So I'm told.

First Photograph of a Person, showing the view of the Boulevard du Temple in Paris, 1838

He's down in the lower left. If I remember correctly, he was getting a shoeshine and thus stood still long enough to show up with the lens open a couple of minutes.

Then a mere two years later there's this...

First Photographic Hoax: “Self Portrait as a Drowned Man” by Hippolyte Bayard, 1840. That's right only two years and somebody decided to fuck with people. Kind of explains the internet - it's in our genes!

When I was growing up the TV news showed a couple of these escapes a week.

West Germans stare down the East after a young woman made it across the line.
I lived at a time that scenes like those were almost a nightly occurrence. Very dramatic for a young kid who had nightmares of being vaporized in a mushroom cloud.



Root cellar?

Ladies and gentlemen, I present the laziest dog to have ever lived.

I'm not saying my wife can perform miracles or anything, but when the Taco Bell employee isn't looking, she can turn water into Sprite.

It was a gif, but too long. She looks up to find herself on the jumbotron...

Somebody want to explain this to me?

Speaking of such things, this monkey was just cheated out of a treat.

He then displayed the "Surrender Cobra" gesture humans make.

Guy makes art out of the same pens I use for everything...

I use the extra fine for my crosswords because you don't have to bear down at all. This is very important if you are sitting on the toilet and such.

If you clone yourself, give it a sex change, then have sex with it. Is it gay or next level masturbation?


But wait. Are we supposed to respect people who think that a talking snake convincing a rib woman to eat from a magic tree is the cause of all our evils. I think not.

Oh the Irony...

Iron. E.

Urban Jungle in Taipei

My wife once accused a 10 year old of stealing her dance moves. The kid had palsy.


The greatest battle implement ever devised!

And took a clip to the face like a trooper.

Watch these two demonstrations and come to your own conclusion.

Me: "So, what do you do?"

Guy at bar: "I'm a Herpetologist."

Me: "Great! [pulls pants down] How bad is this?


Love him or hate him, he grows a killer beard...

I actually thought this was pretty interesting. During the test, the person has to complete a series of tasks while 'voices' are heard through headphones. They're supposed to mimic what someone suffering from schizophrenia might hear.

While trying to fold an origami figure, Cooper quits. Cooper even says at one point that he is tempted to respond to the voices.

What Happens Next?

A. She falls as badly as possible.
B. He falls.
C. She attacks him.
D. He attacks fence - fence wins.
E. There are two cameramen.
F. All of the above.
G. None of the above.


No, I think the numbers are probably the same, but this latest generation just don't mind admitting it. Which is a good thing.

I thought this clip wonderful. Girl was shunned at school because of what she wore, then she comes home one day to this...

But I really don't know how you can argue with her Nihilism. Have you looked around lately?

F. All of the above.

For two years in high school, I took saxophone lessons. Something interesting I learned is that sax resale nets a 45% loss.

The nail that sticks up gets hammered down.

And you foreign viewers may not know that "Ain't that a kick in the head" is a common expression in America. Now you know where it came from.

Got mixed feelings about this...

Role playing is fun, but I'm starting to wonder why my wife will only let me dress up as her masseuse. 


Here's an example: Foxy cisticola-->Ethiopia-->East Germany--->World War II--->Adolf Hitler

What with all the scary clowns in the news lately...

Oh, look here's one now...

YouTube prankster (HoodClips) in Stockton, California gets pistol whipped.
Can you imagine taking that silly shit into STOCKTON, California! Jeez.


Dear French People,

My wife is scared to open any email with a photo attachment because of all this talk about photobombing.


That not a religious problem; that a political problem.

I want a believer to write me and tell me they believe this bullshit.

An ALL POWERFUL GOD almost got his ass kicked?

You can believe what you want as long as you don't hurt people, and stymying scientific research does just that.

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