About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Tuesday, November 22, 2016


One Of My Very Own…
That got all fucked up, but it is much too much trouble to change it, other than the recorder was supposed to say, "God I hate Eskimos." Then the dog says, "Fuck Eskimos." There was a social lesson in bigotry there that I totally fucked up because I was probably tipsy at the time.
By the way, I have had that image in my massive file for years, then finally thought of a way to use it with some grit...and fucked it up. Damn!

EMAIL: ralph.henry.at.folio.olio@gmail.com

Let's just call this what it is - not so subtle racism...

The same with this...

Big cities have more people. The more people there are, the more people there are to commit crimes.

This could be one of the most important events of our lifetimes.
This has never happened before. Temperatures in the arctic circle are 20 degrees warmer than expected. Global sea ice has failed to peak in the winter for the first time since records began. There appears to be nothing wrong with the data, but i'm really hoping there is. Fingers crossed we're looking at an unprecedented climatic anomaly, but this could well be the "tipping point" we've been warned about.

And in related news...

Iraqi special forces advance towards Islamic State-held territory.

Them trying to take a town where the bad guys have had years to prepare. Takes guts.
Americans are also dying...

But we don't hear much about that.

And it happened on live National TV.

*job interview*
So tell me a fun fact about yourself.
Guy: Well when I was 5 I fell into the Cincinnati Zoo gorilla exhib-
*pointing to the door*
Get the hell out!


The Ohhellno Pass in Fuckthatshitistan...

I love those phrases!

This really isn't fair...

Daesh is what happens when you take Bronze Age mythology seriously. But the truth is, we Americans really don't care what the world thinks.

We Americans KNOW that our shoes and phones and TVs are made by children in unbelievably horrid conditions...And. We. Don't. Care.

This perfectly illustrates how I dream about the old structures I see on my journeys...

This is as good a me as any to bring this up. My wife told me that her aunt did one of those family tree ancestry things and proudly told me that one of her distant grandfathers released his slaves. Well, first I had to remind her that because of the Emancipation Proclamation everyone had to release their slaves, but then I told her about why I hate those things so much. Taking her supposed grandfather as an example, I told her that she still doesn't know if he rape and beat those slaves; or had sex with his own daughters or sons; rode with the KKK; abused his wife; or was a closet sadist with prostitutes. And further, what would that have to do with her...personally? Nothing. It's a waste of time, in my opinion.

You know what they say...

No matter how beautiful she is, somebody, sometime, somewhere has gotten tired of her shit.

I've stated before that if an alien ship just cruised around the earth, they would think we had a tree infestation.

Even in an aerial view of my rather urban neighborhood you can hardly see the roofs because of all the trees. I like trees.

Don't be afraid to be different.

Be afraid to be like everyone else.
Real is rare.


Here's a piece I can tolerate...

I think I like it because they are not perfect....just like normal people.

Just a reminder that for believers, the greatest gift, given by god and written in his own handwriting, was just....lost. LOST! Think about that.

"Hey, I want to read those commandments again. Where is that ark thing?"
"I don't know, I thought you had it."
"I don't have it! I THOUGHT YOU HAD IT!"
"In a couple of thousands of years some guy with a blog is going to have a lot of fun with this."
"Like he's never lost anything."

What a magnificent pair of manifolds...

Wow. She could clamp down and scrape the paint off a #2 pencil.

How could any human being deny this child what he needs? Is it really because they deny children relief because they are afraid their sons and daughters will get high?

Deniers believe all the misinformation they first started hearing in the film "Reefer Madness." Please just take a few minutes to research the effectiveness of this wonder drug.

This man knows dogs...

That impressed me.


Hunting by humans is driving many of the world’s threatened mammals to extinction. Elephants are killed for their tusks; rhinos, for their horns ― later to be used in chopsticks, hair clips and luxury ornaments. But according to new research, vanity isn’t the primary stimulus driving hunting of the planet’s most threatened mammals. It’s hunger.
That's where McDonalds comes in. I know it's counter-intuitive, but a McDonalds in every village would solve the problem.

You know that sound of something falling when you close a kitchen cabinet? That's the sound of someone else's problem.


You guys know that gods having sex with mortals was a myth started very, very early. It's like a requirement of any really cool religion.

This looks so much like a video game...

But it's not. The low quality due to snow, I guess.
But how did it stay on the road so long? I think somebody was driving it in reverse. A movie maybe?

Got a kid? Show them this.

This is the exact style hairdo that I set on fire that time.

We were parked in a remote area in my VW convertible. I was smoking. Put my arm around her shoulders. Pulled her close and kissed her. Pulling my arm back, I discovered that the fire was NOT on my cigarette and a whiff of smoke was rising from the back of her head. That's when I grabbed her and began to kiss her passionately as I pounded on the back of her skull. Afterwards, when the fire was out, she asked if I smelled smoke and I told her my car overheated sometimes. And she said, "Oh."

Wonderful image...

The only kid in my elementary school also named Ralph shot his abusive father when we were in the fifth grade.

I'm not sure if this counts...

But my brother shot me in the eye with a BB gun when I was 12.
Also, suicide is concentrated in white America. I think all self-inflicted gun shots should be taken off the gun stats. Whoever heard of a desperate man saying something like, "Well, I was going to kill myself, but I don't have a gun, so I guess I'll have to keep on living."

And if you blame guns for gun suicides, do you blame prescription drug over-doses in the drug trials? Or do you blame gas lines for people who use open valves as a method to end their lives?


It took 200,000 years for our human population to reach 1 billion—and only 200 years to reach 7 billion. But growth has begun slowing, as women have fewer babies on average. When will our global population peak? And how can we minimize our impact on Earth’s resources, even as we approach 11 billion?
Population growth from beginning until now in six minutes:

It's like these people at the beer store have never seen somebody pay with this much change.


You can't imagine how the staff at bars hate you when you are rude or stupid.


I'll give you a minute.

Nobody is ever going to want to watch a video of fireworks. So put your phone away and enjoy the spectacle first hand.

This is how big it is.

It is propelled upward by bucket after bucket of black powder in the bottom of a pipe in the ground.

And this is what the worlds largest single firework shell looks like...

And this from a helicopter...

That object was a Model T ignition key.

Motherfuckin' snake on a motherfuckin' airplane!

Mexico. I would have bet money on Australia.


God, I love language jokes.

When you logged into AOL in the 1990s, you were greeted with the voice of Elwood Edwards telling you that "You've Got Mail". He's a Uber driver now.

A fucking Uber driver?!! This guy should be paid to just go sit in the Smithsonian with a plague in front of him. Maybe for a few buck extra he could said "You've got mail" for special groups or dignitaries.


Should you tell him or shall I?

My wife: "You wouldn't know her. She goes to a different Internet."


Let's see what the word of the living god has to say about marriage.

(My all time favorite.)

How could a virgin know that? Anyway, I know what I would do with those beads.


MacGyver2016 said...

Is the point of the spinning top magnetic?

Ninja Grrrl said...

What strikes me most in the dog video is that, when the man stops, most of the dogs look at him and not the loose dog behind them. Without him, as a natural pack, they would surely round on a stranger and tear his ass UP. They don't perceive the other dog as a potential danger because the man is there. Wow.

Ralph Henry said...

I don't know.

Anonymous said...

I sure hope someone has the audio of the Vikings running over that sound guy.

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