About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Monday, January 9, 2017

MONDAY #2941

One Of My Very Own...

EMAIL: ralph.henry.at.folio.olio@gmail.com

16 tons

Watched a confusing documentary. I mean, if the pizza delivery guy truly loves the babysitter, then why does he keep spanking her?

There was a lot of red bashing back then.

Phrase: 5 in the pink, 5 in the stink.
Definition: A gift she ain't soon to forget.


I have nothing against traditions. I shake hands with my right hand just like everyone else, but that tradition doesn't cost me anything.
I detest traditions that were brought about by clever advertising ploys. I have told my kids that breakfast was a very important meal, while skipping it myself. I figured they needed it and they were smaller than me, so I could make them do stuff. But when I learned there was no science to the claim I was furious.
Now, because of me, I bet she will tell her child the exact same thing. And therein lies the rub. We have been manipulated to make somebody rich. We all more or less know this, but we don't seem to care. Going along with the flow is so much easier than confronting the error of friends and family's ways. Take Mother's day.
Mother's Day was purely a Hallmark's invention so they could sell many more cards. I'm pretty sure we all know that, but we pass it along to our kids anyway....innocent enough. A card only costs a couple of bucks.
But then there are more ingrained and expensive traditions.

De Beers is by far the largest diamond company in the world. We all know they have been hoarding diamonds for decades in order to artificially elevate prices. What you didn't know was that De Beers invented the whole "requirement" that a man must give his future wife a huge, very expensive diamond. You, your friends and family have been manipulated by a huge, carefully orchestrated advertising campaign, so successful that now it is self-perpetuating.
DIAMOND RINGS - Rage against the machine!

The bigger your diamond the more worthy you catch. It shows how much he loves you.
What you may not know is that many rings can't be repaired by your local jeweler. Those rings and such that you see advertised on TV are copyrighted so tightly that a non-authorized jeweler will be sued if he replaces a diamond, etc.
Further, we Americans have lost all illusions of holding higher morals with our common knowledge that all our computers and phones are made in unbearable sweat shops where child labor is common. We know this and do absolutely nothing about it because the price is lower.

Magazines have completely, totally, convinced every young woman in America that they must be married in a very expensive white gown. I call that the Princess For A Day fantasy.

Almost every advertisement you see is trying to brainwash you into your obligation to buy their product.

Just between you and I, dust will not kill you.

We are so gullible that we will take the word of a college drop-out health food clerk over our doctor.

We continue with traditions the reason for which they were started has long since vanished.

But not anymore. Very, very few military personnel have mustaches because they interfere with the seal of the gas mask.
I woman can now walk around with both thonged butt cheeks showing; exposing 90% of her breasts; and a tiny triangle covering only the actual vagina.
But they wouldn't dream of showing their nipples through their clothes just because their mothers told them it was slutty! So you all buys bras to hide the offensive protrusion.

And that's a shame. Now that the advertising has done it's magic, the companies don't even have to try anymore. Now the mothers teach their daughters the company line, and so on and so on.
You probably believe...sincerely, that a normal person MUST bathe every day and shampoo their hair daily. You remove all the natural oils from both, then are compelled to replace them with creams and conditioners, etc. All I ask is that you think about what you teach your children. What your parents taught you should be rather suspect.

Speaking of nipples, here's some nice photographs...

BTW - That could be a male's nipple, which is perfectly permissible.

Fire trucks are actually water trucks.

Pelé and Bobby Moore swapping jerseys after Brazil defeated England, 1970
Still thinking of having children?


I watched a whole video of these guys. Of course they never finished it, but, boy, did they have a good time.
If you think you know what hating a president really feels like, you should have been around for this guy.

Not only was he evil, but he was stupid, and that is a very dangerous combination.

Mata Hari (Margaretha Geertruida "Margreet" MacLeod), the notorious WWI spy.
Same woman, less fortunate time...

Mata Hari's body was not claimed by any family members and was accordingly used for medical study. Her head was embalmed and kept in the Museum of Anatomy in Paris, but in 2000, archivists discovered that the head had disappeared.
I told my wife a story about this very thing the other night. I think she will smile seeing this.

Of course I will deny being that inept.
I understand the scooter that rides on the rail.
I do not understand the track configuration. Why is there a v-shaped rail in the middle?

My daughter once asked if she was adopted and I said, Why would I choose you?

I'm going to let most of these speak for themselves.

This deserves a few second's thought...

But Japan doesn't have a dog in the fight as it were. They don't drop 500 pound bombs on their uncles.

You are free to choose; you are not free from the consequences of your choice.

The two islands above are not ordinary islands. They are located on the International Date Line in the Bering Straits.

They belong to Russia and USA and represent two different days of the calendar at any given time.
Cube of Kobe Beef


That's what you call those three periods at the end of the sentence that I use all the time. They connote that the sentence trails off.

[verification needed]


My chemist friend is working on that very thing.

I gave my dog a middle name today so he knows when he is really in trouble.


The Horseshoe Crab. 400 million years of the same shit because Evolution was like "what ever".



Tip Jar in Mexico

Under a forensic light, you would see that couch from space.

The old "Hey, hey, hey, eeee, ooooh" face...

"Eat the booty like groceries"
- Albert Einstein



Ninja Grrrl said...

I remember Nixon well. Watergate was my political coming of age. I was in elementary school but I came home and watched the hearings every day.i wish I could remember the name now, maybe Hyde? I don't know for sure who it was, but I do remember the day that the one man who always defended him faltered and could no longer continue his defense. I knew in that moment Nixon would lose one way or another. God do I remember the huge hate in that small man. I'm not convinced he was worse than what we have now. Nixon, as spiritually deformed as he was, was still a true believer, a man who acted based on principle. Trump's only principle is, win. That's it. Could be good for us globally, but at home it's not gonna be a real fun time to be here. I'll be over here doing what I've been doing, which is taking care of as many people as I possibly can. We can't let people fall through the cracks because it's inconvenient to help them. If we don't do it, no one else is going to. There are lots of young addicts in my town. I feed some of them, talk to them, tell them that they're smart and good and that they have it in them to do better for themselves. It seems like a small thing against a tide of hopelessness and death. But at least one of the young people I have "adopted" managed to get clean and it's been two years now he's been off of heroin. Sometimes, you just need someone to believe in you. If you tell someone with complete conviction that they can do something, it suddenly becomes possible against all odds. We just need to know someone gives a damn. That's all the magic there is in this whole world, is love. It's the only magic I have. I'll take whatever works in my fight against the cold hard indifference of the world. If a few words and a smile from me means one less death somewhere, maybe, isn't that reason enough to try?

Ralph Henry said...

Well said, my friend.

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