About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Sunday, January 29, 2017

SUNDAY #2961

One Of My Very Own...



What a guy.

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This is my senator.
 As a matter of fact, South Carolina is considered as backward as Alabama or Mississippi, but we have one gay senator, one black senator and an Indian governor. Not bad for rednecks.
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NOTE: Today I'm posting without removing format. There might be errors, but we won't know until we try it.

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I'm convinced that every time a sock goes missing in the dryer it comes back as an extra Tupperware lid.


ODDMENTS

Fish die, float to surface, lake freezes, traps them, ice gets upturned.

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Have you ever seen anyone hold a weapon in their right hand and aim with is left eye?
 Neither have I. No one I shared it with could detect the oddness.


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The great man himself. But can you detect the oddness?
 It's only a theory, but in order to draw a self portrait, he had to look in a mirror, however his eyes are looking elsewhere. Solution? He had two mirrors, one reflecting onto the other.


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An entrenchment tool after one month of foxholes.
 The title is an unfinished haiku.

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Who knew 50yrs after debate class I'd apply those skills to present day arguments to 7yo on why pasta shapes don't change the taste of pasta.


HISTORY. I LOVE HISTORY



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Moments before iconic historical photo...
Just another reason they had to build the wall; their own troops were deserting for the West.


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UK Lancaster bomber crew mocks Luftwaffe chief, printing Göring's boast: "No enemy plane will fly over the Reich territory" and the number of bombing missions flown Germany.
If I'm not mistaken, the Lancasters were made out of plywood.


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Douglas MacArthur with Native American troops somewhere in the South Pacific, 1943.
They were courageous, granted, but the guy who deserves a medal is the guy who thought to use them and their near extinct language to begin with.


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Okay, that's not historical, but it does illustrate that it is absolutely necessary to use the word "fuck" in some contexts. No other word would be funny.


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Most people aren't aware that the rims of the Model T were wooden...


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Notice anything odd here?
Lower case stop. I'm betting it's on private property, which means it can't be enforced by police. I once traveled on Eastman Kodak property to discuss a mural job and the speed limit was 23 1/2 mph. I asked and was told it was to let people know it was company policy and not legal limit.



WHAT CONFUSES ME ABOUT 
THE SEARCH FOR HAPPINESS

Everybody just wants to be happy. It's a life long drive, an urge, a solution to all your problems. But there is a thin line between seeking happiness and being selfish.
I do not have the key to happiness. I do, however have the key to MY happiness, and, who knows, it might work for you.
 That's basically it. I don't think a person can live a fulfilled life without sharing it with people that love him as much as he loves them.
Yes the ticket to paradise is love.
But there are rules to even that.
Don't be a controlling asshole. Never hurt her physically or emotionally. And in the event that you make a terrible mistake and the person you THOUGHT was going to make you happy turn out to be the person who makes you unhappy...THEN LEAVE. Don't make her suffer also.
But let her know how you feel on the way out the fucking door.



AMERICANS: A TUTORIAL

All Americans do Crossword Puzzles. That's because we are all so smart; we play smart games in our spare time. For instance, here's a very easy crossword puzzle clue: Make it. _ _ _.

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American love our guns. It is a national obsession.



We tend to eat too much and exercise too little. Then we spend billions of dollars on quick fix diets that we know won't work.
We call that stimulating the economy.

Every American has at least one secret door in their homes.

Many foreigners are aware that every American has a fireplace and it's up to grandpa to provide all the wood.
 If he falls behind it is off to the "home" for him and that's why he works so hard.

Americans like to made shit out of stuff you other people call trash.
 We call it "found object art" because "shit we made out of trash" just sounds a little crass.

American men are obsessed over the length of their penis.
 
The two most common lies told in America are: 
MEN: I have an eight inch dick.
WOMEN: I'm fine.

In America whole governments can fall over what the leader does or does not do with his penis.

And as if the rules over penis usage wasn't complicated enough, now the government is sticking their nose into it...no pun intended.

People who were native to America before the Europeans got here are called "Native Americans," which is only logical. Natives Americans wear very few clothes and even to this day can be seen in the western states wondering around showing off their wares.
 
How...the hell are you, missy?

From time to time we Americans love to just make up facts about what will and what will not poison us.
 Someone actually made up a story that vaccinations would CAUSE you to get sick instead of KEEP you from getting sick and....PEOPLE BELIEVED IT!
Believing ridiculous shit is like a nation pastime, right along with watching one man scar, disfigure and maim another...live...on TV.




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The answer to the crossword clue "Make it" is Tag....as in the children's playground game before the government outlawed it as being bad for children's esteem.


 SCIENCE


[verification needed]
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This looks like a horror movie...
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NASA's Supercomputers Reveal the Incredible Turbulence Produced By a Drone

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I've watched enough reruns of The Shawshank Redemption that I think I'll be able to successfully make it in prison.


 
LANGUAGE

 Who the fuck is putting their taint on the beef?

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When a cop asks you if you know why he pulled you over, DO NOT say "Because my tires look like donuts?" Trust me on this one.


 HAD WE BEEN BORN ELSEWHERE


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Hyperinflation in Venezuela - this pile of Bolivars costs 21 US dollars.

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I don't know where this is, but I am impressed...

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Joke from Latvia

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SON: Can I yell bomb at the airport?
DAD: No.
SON: I can yell boom?
DAD: Boom's ok.
SON: How about "my mom's a lesbian now?"
DAD: Please don't.

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I started asking questions about the logic of this very early. Those questions saved me.

1 comment:

MacGyver2016 said...

“AAARGH I PUT MY HAND IN THAT PENIS CHOPPING MACHINE!” seems pretty fucking funny to me. Maybe that's just me though...

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