One Of My Very Own...
The Parting Glass: The Wailing Jennys
I barely survived my weather bet. Got to 31 at the airport, but it was specified that we only count Columbia.
Why call it alternative genders and instead call it "Things I like to do with my genitalia that most people don't."
But seriously, if someone identifies as an attack helicopter, is it expected that I lower my head like they do in the movies when I approach them. I'm asking for a friend.
You don't have to give up anything for lent if you've already given up catholicism.
Sat down at my bar and sighed from the long walk from my truck. Bartender looked at me and said, "What's wrong, rough nap?" They know me so well.
Who called it a birth certificate instead of a born identity?
Nicolas Bruno has sleep paralysis and recreated his nightmares with photography.
Almost called bullshit on them being actual dreams until I remembered that I dreamed a whole plot of a novel I ended up writing - A Farm Called Riverbend.
What I thought I would say as a parent:
"You are going to change the world."
What I say as a parent: "Get your tongue out of the dog's ear!"
THINGS I LEARNED RECENTLY
You might want to read up on this most wonderful creation.
Stretching from New Jersey to Florida, Carolina Bays are consistently oval in shape and occur in clusters with sizes ranging from a couple to several thousand acres. Most of them are vegetated wetland that fill with rainwater in winter and spring, and dries in the summer months. They share a number of common features, but the most striking of them is their orientation—every single one of them is invariably aligned in the same direction.
As a dad, I'm super excited about the rock collection my daughter just told me I'm starting for her.
What if Trump texts Putin "Send nudes" and it gets autocorrected to "Send Nukes?"
(I have no idea what that means)
If you smell something bad, never ask what it is. Someone could say it is your upper lip. There is no known comeback for this.
Almost all American media (TV, newspapers, radio, etc) are owned by a handful of extraordinarily wealthy men...white men; all with their own agenda. They know the power of advertising.
How vulnerable are Americans to advertising? Let's make a list. Due to advertising, just about every American actually believe:
- A young man MUST buy his betrothed a large diamond ring.
- Each bride MUST buy an obscenely overpriced white wedding gown.
- Wrestling, Reality TV and all news outlets are real.
- Cigarettes do not cause cancer.
- Fracking does not cause damage to the environment.
- Climate change has no correlation to manmade emissions.
- Alcohol helps you have fun.
- Renewable energy is a wast of money.
- There is a huge difference in the two parties in American politics.
- Women's fashion is the foundation for a woman's self worth.
- You need to bathe and wash your hair daily.
- Axe will make you more attractive to women?
- Not to bore you, but please take a few minutes to think back over the course of yesterday and ask yourself, "Why did I eat that?"; "Why did I buy that product instead of another?"; "Why do you drive the car you do?"; "Why do my children wear those clothes?"; "On what grounds, exactly, did you vote for the last candidate for president?"
I always leave my vehicles gas on empty because I want thieves to be as pissed off as my wife.
HOW STUPID ARE WE REALLY
In this section I do not wish to discuss stupid people; but rather, smart people a behave stupidly.
Robert Kennedy Jr and Robert De Niro held a press conference yesterday where they talked about the dangers of vaccines and how we've all been tricked into thinking that vaccines are safe and they don't give kids autism.
The pair are so convinced vaccines cause autism, RFK Jr’s World Mercury Project is putting its money where its mouth is and offering $100,000 to anyone who can prove vaccines are safe.
Five Reasons To Not Vaccinate Your Kid:
1. You don’t like them, anyway.
2. You’re more scared of big scientific sounding words than you are of viruses that have killed millions upon millions of people.
3. You believe all internet memes are true.
4. You’d rather your children build their immunity to things like polio and measles naturally…just like you didn't.
5. Your kid really is a little shit.
It's a Miracle!
Outcome - Failure
"You can't change your date of birth because you "Feel like a 12 year old!"
"DON'T BE FUCKING RETARDED!"
Note: How did it happen that we, as a society, gave young people the authority to just invent titles for their feelings and expect us to respect them like scientific fact. A couple of years ago these same children were asking permission to go take a pee.
You think you understand people and then you see a car with eyelashes on the headlights.
THINGS THAT MADE ME NOD MY HEAD APPROVINGLY
Wood under electron microscope.
The beginning is all romance & flowers, but after about 10 yrs it's mostly just checking each other's backs for suspicious moles.
THINGS THAT JUST AREN'T RIGHT
Sweet Jesus, child, put a sock on that thing!
He looks like that guy in Men In Black who had the little man behind his face driving.
I wondered why my back was so sore until I saw my daughter jumping rope on a crack in the sidewalk.
I ran across a very long detailed article about Universal Basic Income. I'm going to simply list the graphics in the article as a way to encourage you to do your own research.
I have a theory about what robots would do after they have taken all our jobs. They would be used to keep me and people like me out of the areas where the rich people lived.