One Of My Very Own...
Gary Clark Jr
The realization that the leader of the free world is an idiot.
"One of Trump's secret service agents left a laptop in a car somewhere in Brooklyn yesterday. Of course the laptop it was stolen. The laptop contained floor plans for Trump Tower, intel about the Clinton email scandal, and other national security information."
"Call me a cynic, but I have a feeling whatever Clinton information was in the laptop will soon be leaked and the Trump regime will use it as deflection. I wouldn't be surprised if the laptop was strategically "left behind" for that very purpose. Again, that's all just speculation, but I don't put anything past Trump or Bannon. "
[verification needed]
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My wife asked me if I will love her when she is fat and old and I said, "Yes, I do."
LANGUAGE
Science Burqa
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Well?
Highlight For Answer: Luck be in the air tonight.
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Some words that are their own opposite
Sanction: approval or impose a penalty.
Oversight: supervise or pass over.
Left: remaining or departed.
Dust: add dust or remove dust.
Seed: remove or add.
Trim: add to, as Christmas tree or take away from shrub.
Resign: quit and accept, as resign my self to...
Fast: moving quickly or firmly fastened.
Off: deactivate but also activated as an alarm went off.
Weather: To withstand and to erode.
Screen: to show or hide.
Help: assist unless "I could help doing something."
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A Roman walked into a bar, held up two fingers and said, "Five beers, please."
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I can't wait for the day they invent a vaccine for autism.
CREATURES THAT AREN'T HUMAN
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This Mother and her piglets were recently rescued from a factory farm. They have never been outside before...or so I'm told.
With all that running around she may pull a hamstring.
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Pitbull tiptoes past sleeping cat, who he's afraid of.
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You find a snake inside your toilet...quick, what do you do?
Well, shoot it.
With a shotgun...through the toilet bowl.
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A repost that still made me smile again.
I was criticized the last time I posted that, as if I liked to torture innocent animals. But if you could just see the ruin squirrels cause my pecans and peaches, you would hate them also. Down here we call them Tree Rats.
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A cat was killed in the middle of the street, and a group of 30 wild turkeys were circling it.
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If you are over 50 years old it is no longer called masturbation. It is called a system check.
HUMANS WHO ARE NOT LIKE ME
Crashing a car without seat belts.
Am I to assume the boxes are filled with ping pong balls?
And did you notice that the wall had a lot of give in it?
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Now think back to Rose with the axe in Titanic.
At least he's going to get his dick sucked back in the cabin.
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I like that guy a lot and wish him the very best.
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Hard to be a Robber in Russia...
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Guy picks lock to turn the toilet paper the way god meant for it to be...
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Have you ever seen a real life LMAO?
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A doctor asked a member of Daesh how many sex partners he's had. He tries to count them all but keeps falling asleep.
(I've gotten a lot of mileage out of that joke. About 50% get it.)
THINGS YOU HAVE TO THINK ABOUT
If you need somebody to explain the punchline, you probably consider a boobs post to be "mature."
If you don't get the joke even after it's been explained to you, you're probably my wife. She thought it was a 3D printed "save" icon.
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Look at this carefully.
What color is it?
Well, that was an enlargement of one of these strawberries.
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If you don't get that, ask your son.
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No clue as to what this is.
That's some Stephen King shit right there.
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I can only assume she was wishing that that didn't happen to her.
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The Tongue Drive System enables a person with high-level spinal cord injury to operate a computer and an electrically-powered wheelchair by moving their tongue.
Do I have to be, like, injured to get one?
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Thigh Gap
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Can finally check off watching two trees fuck off my bucket list.
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Gods don't kill people.
People kill gods.
FOOD
I would have had it stop right here and made the viewer use their imagination. But no.
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It's the maybes that will kill you.
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1 comment:
Gary Clark Jr...he's the man.
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