About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Monday, April 10, 2017

MONDAY #3032

One Of My Very Own...


String of Pearls, Glenn Miller


(NOTE: Some of these are straight out of The Onion)


Let's talk just one scenario.
We are forced to send in 200 cruise missiles to raze his palace and bunkers to a large hole in the earth. Immediately the army crumbles and millions of North Koreans flood across the Chinese border - each requiring intense counseling. The boats begin to swarm the cost; each one full of men looking for nuclear bombs and/or material.

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Serbian regime cut off power to the street lights so protesters wouldn't be seen. Everyone pulled out their phones. 

To my Serb Friends, you have people talking shit about you. They say you photoshop in your crowds.
Said he: "I am against our President, but I am also against lies. Regards from Serbia."

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Bartender told me she was going to Clearwater, Florida for vacation. I asked her if she knew what was headquartered in Clearwater, she did not, I said Scientology. I then warned her not to get involved with that shit. She thought about it a minute, then said, "I have planned to give my body to science."


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Instead of donating my body to science, I'll donate it to whoever has the best idea for a practical joke involving a dead body.


THINGS I FOUND FUNNY

I bet there will be folks among you that don't understand that joke.

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"Yeah, that. Well, it's called chlamydia and you got it from me."

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Trump: It's not just that he lies, it's that he lies the way an 8 year old lies.


THINGS I DIDN'T FIND FUNNY

I probably wouldn't have posted this, but somehow I came across three elevator items on a single day.

Just something else to worry about...

Neither is this...
Many people got hurt. Maintenance guys arrested when they fixed the problem after being told not to touch anything until after the investigation.

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This is Reshma Quereshi.  She’s urging others to protest the over-the-counter sale of harmful acids in India.
Her "crime?" Wanting a divorce.

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Title of this clip should be "Flash Mob."
Watch this carefully. A quiz will follow.
Is the car on fire or are the people in the car on fire? Did you notice how long the street keeps smoldering? You just witnessed lightning strike a car. What do you do? Let's run out in the same street. But, the quick response of the onlookers indicates to me a human is on fire.

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When Jesus has a plan for your Dumbass.
You think his eyes were open or shut?

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I'm a Civil War re-enactor but I only reenact the time General Ambrose Burnside took a three hour nap.


IT'S JUST ONE MAN'S OPINION

If it were up to me, for every student athlete who does not graduate from college in, say, five years, the university would loose a athletic scholarship for the following year. There are quite a few universities with 100% graduation rates, so don't tell me it can't be done.

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I could argue that in your very local environment you could have a great deal of meaning.

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Amazed these aren't more common across the US. Cheaper than chicken wings and take on flavors better.
I'm all for trying alternatives to the big four: beef, pork, poultry and fish. Including reptiles and this:

I would eat this in a heartbeat...

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I've brought this up several times; moderate Muslims are still murderous sumbitches.

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My wife would rather see me with another woman in my arms than a hammer in my hand.


HISTORY

You have to ask yourself, what could motivate someone to walk directly at a machine gun manned by a very capable, highly motivated killer?
Warrior have always used special psychological techniques to establish and/or maintain bravery.
I think it's a way to convince themselves that they are invincible. 

If I'm not mistaken, the war years Indian motorcycles had a left hand throttle so the driver could shoot with their right.

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Doodles made by Adolf Hitler when he was coming up with the Nazi Party symbol (1920).
He was an art student after all.

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Mark Twain, with John Lewis, a lifelong friend and inspiration for the character Jim in "Adventures of Huckleberry Finn" (1898).

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9,000 year old stone mask from the Judaen Desert.
Or as I like to call it: Friday the 13th: 5000 BC.

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The only known photo of Albert Einstein with his "E = MC^2" equation (1934).

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When Salvador Dali met Alice Cooper (1973)

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Count Francesco Baracca was Italy’s top fighter ace of World War I. He was credited with 34 aerial victories. The emblem painted on both sides on his plane’s fuselage of a black horse prancing on its two rear feet is said to have inspired the Ferrari logo.

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Her: ID please.
Me: For?
Her: Alcohol. 
Me: My beard is white.
Her: Still need it.
Me*whispers* Now I know why you work at a gas station in the middle of fucking nowhere.


SCIENCE

Do you think the tip of the tail is a lure for smaller animals?

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Researchers have managed to turn a spinach leaf into working heart tissue and are on the way to solving the problem of recreating the tiny, branching networks of blood vessels in human tissue.

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Top Ten Myths about Barefooting 
Myth 1: We need shoes for support 
Myth 2– You’ll catch a cold if you go barefoot
Myth 3 – Bare feet spread germs and disease
Myth 4– You will get athlete’s foot if you go barefoot
Myth 5– You can get hookworm from going barefoot
Myth 6 – Feet smell bad
Myth 7 – Feet are ugly and should be covered
Myth 8– It’s illegal to go barefoot in stores and restaurants
Myth 9– Businesses ban bare feet because of the risk of liability
Myth 10 – All stores ban bare feet

All ten were shown to be categorically false.
Take #9 - Stats show that it is far, far more dangerous for women in high heels.

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X ray of iodine-dipped hand.

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I've become obsessed with the idea that Jesus was a hopeless alcoholic but no one told him because they were afraid of his dad.

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WHAT'S UP WITH WOMEN?

Some guy does something you don't like? Just tell him to go fuck himself. Simple as that.
And be consistent. 
And remember...

Some being nicer than others...


I like them, but to have it brushed against on the elevator should be no big deal.

And I will never understand women putting up with this shit...

Women are so very strong...

(think childbirth)

Yet allow this vulgar habit continues.
Purchased for a mere stone.

And for god's sake stop making stuff up!


Ever see a fat person in a concentration camp?



2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Good on Cheerios for bringing attention to the plight of the bees. But as twisted irony, the use of pesticides by their wheat suppliers is a huge part of that problem. And its not just bad for bees... at the levels that glyphosate (i.e. Roundup) contaminates Cheerios (recently measured to be 1,125 parts per billion, much higher than the other products tested), studies have shown toxicity in mice and fish. It likely causes human illness too, particularly for children due to their lower body weight.

Anonymous said...

I have been in banking since the '70s. To say virtually all central banks are owned or controlled by the Rothschilds is not accurate.

People should really do their own research before believing such silliness.

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