About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Friday, May 26, 2017

FRIDAY #3078



RIDE OF THE VALKYRIE


Steve, a homeless man sleeping near Manchester Arena, rushed to help victims of the bombing. 
From a resident:
"What sort of terror are you trying to provoke there? I swear to fuck those lads have had more terror incidents after a night on the town and a dodgy curry than anything extremists could throw at them. Fucking dingbats.

Now we have the concert in Manchester being the recent target, and while those wounds are fresh, while there is sorrow and anger and shock, I feel firm in my belief that we will not break from this, or anything that's thrown our way. The great British stiff upper lip remains."

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Massive Landslide along California's Coastal Highway.
"The slide buried about a quarter of a mile of the highway in dirt up to 40 feet deep."
How come this is not on the news.

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One of the funniest things on the internet.


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I would pay so much money to watch Trump assemble a piece of IKEA furniture.


PEOPLE WHO JUST SUCK


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Some poor stock boy is going to have to gather all these up, all the while his boss is screaming for him to hurry.

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Then there's this asshole.
Texas representative Bill Zedler just added an amendment to STOP foster children from being vaccinated.

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This arrogant bastard thinks he knows who will and who won't go to their eternal rest.

And then there's this...
One of his offenses - "mockery of the immaculate conception."
And it's 2017.

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"You will never ever, ever, stop me, my Christianity", thumped his chest, and menaced an Arab family on a Texas beach.

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I found that hilarious.

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You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one.


PEOPLE WHO DO THINGS I WOULDN'T

The Crown Prince of Norway
Yeah, you can act that way when your country doesn't have any nuclear weapons.

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We expect youngsters to do stupid shit because they are not very smart yet.

And I do understand adults doing rather dangerous stuff if they are paid for it.

But here are a few things I wouldn't do under any circumstances.

At-home acid tattoo removal gone wrong.
"At-home, acid, tattoo removal" are words that should never, ever be used in one sentence.

Then there are people who insist on doing shit like this...
Because surviving tornados, earthquakes, hurricanes, snakes, spiders, cancer, hoping for victory in all those billions of battles between your body and stuff like bacteria, etc, etc, etc isn't death defying enough.

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I won't do this.

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I'm assuming a demonstration model.

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It's like he WANTS the last thing he sees to be a giant throat.

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I was scheduled for a reenlistment briefing every six months. After the first one, my First Sergeant (a poker buddy) would just toss the sign in sheet on my side of the desk and dismiss me without a word.

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Why are so many people bothered by such trivial matters. I think a lot about that and it really bothers me.


PEOPLE DOING THINGS I CAN'T DO

Oh, I could probably stack the stones, I can't get up once I sit on the ground.

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Australian actor Samuel Johnson quit acting and vowed not to return until his charity raised $10 million for cancer research.
His sister Connie is losing her fight with terminal cancer and will leave behind her two young boys. They are amazing at inventive ways to raise money. Today they kicked some butt. They asked for donations of 5 cent coins and today laid them out in giant heart. They raised a motherfucking whopping $1.6 million and are still counting! So far they have raised about $5 million for the cause. 

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The reason I can't do this should be rather obvious.

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Nope.

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One way to keep bears out of your garbage.
I imagine it made noice, also.

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My wife's superpower is not touching anything in a public restroom.


FASCINATING IMAGERY


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Baby monkey regained consciousness, he had only tripped over and all was ok in the end. Or so I'm told.

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USS Zumwalt
This is a fascinating shallow water tri-hull powered by massive water jets. Reaches a speed of 45pmh.

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Did you notice what is rather clever about that?

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I took a walk today, or as I call it, I had a out-of-homebody experience.


LANGUAGE


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Apples are awesome... Fucking tryhard.

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A Norwegian horror film that was so bad I won't tell you the name of it, had this awful line of dialogue when asked if the young girl under their care will die. He asked, "What does it matter..."

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This was a gif that was to big to load. I include a still because I was going to play What Happens Next and I was rather proud of my choices.
A. Man A pours gasoline on the fire Man B is standing on.
B. Man A pours gasoline on the fire Man B is standing on but Man A does not catch fire for very long.
C. Man A pours gasoline on the fire Man B is standing on but Man A does not catch fire for very long but Man A's container of gasoline catches fire and he tries to put it out with his sleeve.
D. Man A pours gasoline on the fire Man B is standing on but Man A does not catch fire for very long but Man A's container of gasoline catches fire and he tries to put it out with his sleeve and is soon consumed with flames.
Note: They have GOT to be Russian.

My friends and I were trying to come up with how much vodka they must have consumed. The over/under is 1 1/4 liter.

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Sometimes I think humanity is alright, but then I meet a dog and I'm like, "oh, that's right, humanity is garbage."


LEBANON BEFORE RELIGION SPOILED IT





And today...

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People love to share stuff like the Dunning-Kruger effect. It makes them feel like one of the enlightened few to whom it doesn't apply.


OSTRICH EGGS





That guy looks like the most Australian guy I've ever seen.

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It's funny how "skeptic" now just means someone who doesn't believe in Bigfoot and homeopathy. Like…there shouldn't even be a word for that.

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QUESTION: Can wave motion go almost the speed of light? Like if you set up 1 million lasers in a row and had them timed to flash 1 billionth of a second apart. Or something like that.

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I'm hoping if I put this large GIF down at the bottom it will have more time to load.

IS fighters took control of a part of Marawi city (200 000 + inhabitants), capital of Lanao del Sur


IS fighters took control of a part of Marawi city (200 000 + inhabitants), capital of Lanao del Sur

>Anti-terrorism jail under their control, prisoners freed
>the jail and police stations are being destroyed
>AFP (armed forces of the philippines) are on their way to counter attack
>Marawi city mayor says that IS fighters didn't face resistance from army and police
>IS linked medias spoke about a major IS operation against the philippinian army in Marawi
>AFP says that the clashes started after they tried to capture one of their leaders (Isnilon Hapilon)
>Duterte declared martial law in Mindanao for at least 60 days
>Heavy fog of war, government tries to downplay the situation while people on social medias are probably over exagerating
>some people are fleeing the city
>more pictures showing IS fighters inside the city today
>Black-out: no electricity in most of the city (unconfirmed)

>very few informations from there

>New pictures published by IS from the city

some pictures: https://twitter.com/RomainCaillet/status/867380586196996096

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