Stumbled across a few old items from the Onion and will post them in lieu of OOMVO for a while.
Buster Poindexter
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My diet plan consists of multiple naps. Because you can't stuff your face when you're sleeping.
LET'S GET LESS STUPID
Forgetting how to lightning?
I think that's what is called a sprite.
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I never tire of images like this.
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Just the facts, ma'am...
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Why haven't we found aliens?
I knew these first two...
But this is a new one to me...
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This guy...
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Solving the problems of plastic pollution isn’t as simple as dumping a bunch of moth larva into landfills; scientists first have to fully study and detail the unique process in the bug’s gut that is giving it its remarkable power. Once researchers know exactly how the moth is performing its trick they could apply that knowledge to large-scale efforts to biodegrade junk plastic in places where it causes the most problems, such as the ocean and other pollution hot spots.
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Across parts of Australia, reports have been pouring in of strange voices chattering high in the treetops -- mysterious, nonsensical conversations in English. But while this phenomenon is certainly quite odd, its explanation isn't paranormal. It turns out that escaped pet birds, namely parrots and cockatoos, have begun teaching their wild bird counterparts a bit of the language they picked up from their time in captivity -- and, according to witnesses, that includes more than a few expletives. Jaynia Sladek, an ornithologist from the Australian Museum, says that some birds are just natural mimickers, able to acquire new sounds based on things they hear around them. For birds kept as pets, these sounds tend to mirror human language -- but that influence doesn't cease even after said birds escape or are released back into the wild.
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An alarm clock that repeatedly & loudly makes the sound of a windshield wiper going across a windshield that is not completely wet.
ART AND PHOTOGRAPHY AND CARTOONS
Do you have any multi-generational heirlooms?
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Did you give that enough time?
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When you are so sick at looking at woodland and you really miss the city.
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The owners of John Lennon's former home found an old sketchbook containing this tiny sketch of the Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band album cover. It's up for auction with an estimated selling price of $40k-$60k which seems oddly low for such an artifact.
That seemed rather cheap for its uniqueness.
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Artist Builds Vintage Wooden Pull Toys Featuring Characters From Television Shows and Movies
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And that is why I think all those small stone big buster women are masturbation aids.
Those hunts were long and all the other guys are armed.
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I have long been fascinated by war propaganda.
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If aliens attack we will probably be fine unless they realize how easily we are influenced by traffic cones.
THE AMAZING HUMAN ANIMAL
What if aliens are here already and all they do is broadcast random humans behavior back to their home planet as a reality show?
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Those aliens would be amused at some of the shit humans somehow believe...
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As ridiculous as this is, there were people who actually bought this shit...
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This Football "Stadium" in Henningsvær, Norway
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Let's not let this child's video die in the dustpan of history...
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Fried chicken and fries whose bowl fits on a Coke cup with straw...
Is this a great country or what!
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Something I've never thought about before...
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Guide: This tortoise is over 200 years old. How cool is that?
*Tortoise says something racist.
LANGUAGE
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The checkbox, turning "There is NO OTHER CHOICE" into another choice.
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That, Gentle Reader, is an insult to everyone involved.
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A guy posted the word MOIST in Comic Sans all around the graphic design school.
My apologies to Your Abbiness.
And for whatever reason, designers HATE Comic Sans.
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Sometimes I call my friends just to tell them that potatoes came to Japan in 1600.
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If I had to choose a religion, I would damn sure choose one where nudity was like a rule...
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