About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Wednesday, May 17, 2017

WEDNESDAY #3069


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This young Dutch lady is only 11 years of age.



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A high school student in my town died after ingesting several coffees, some Red Bull and a bunch of Mountain Dew.

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After hearing from so many angry Americans who wanted to preserve net neutrality rules that they had to invent a seemingly fictional "denial of service" attack to explain their servers melting down, the FCC has solved the problem by telling the public to go fuck themselves.

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Got a new wifi, told the wife I wanted it to read "Stay off my lawn." She got close.

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A first for me - fried peanuts. You eat them shell and all. Believe it or not they come from upnorth.


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The Good News: My wife's doctor says she's healthy as a horse. 
The Bad News: She used another large farm animal to describe her weight.


THE POWER OF LANGUAGE


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Reminded me of what I had stitched on the back of the hats worn by my crew and me.
Their's had EVENT STAFF and mine read EVENT.

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All things Ralph...

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Do angry commenters know about prune juice?


WHEN THINGS GO SOUTH


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(If you can't argue your position with reason you've already lost the debate.)

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We don't deserve dogs.

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This took me longer than it should have...

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Shortcut?

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These may be reposts...I just can't remember anymore...

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This is like dropping a car on it every two seconds.

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Oh, I think there were signs. I just wish we were all taught in school what to look for.

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I picked up carry-out and the guy asked if I wanted to leave a tip.
Yeah. Offer delivery.


THINGS I LEARNED TODAY

Puerto Rico Statehood Referendum is coming up pretty soon. 
I submit for consideration a possible 51-star flag appropriate for the introduction of Puerto Rico to the Union.
My thoughts on the matter is that far more of them want independence over statehood.

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A statue of Mary's little lamb in Sterling, Massachusetts. 


The childhood nursery rhyme "Mary Had a Little Lamb" is familiar to all, but did you know it’s based on a real Mary and a real lamb and a real incident that took place at school? The real Mary, Mary Sawyer, was born in 1806 in the town of Sterling, Massachusetts, the United States. One day, when Mary was about ten, she discovered two recently born lambs on their family farm. One was abandoned by the mother and was nearly dead from cold and neglect. Mary asked her father if she could adopt it as a pet, and although her father was reluctant at first because he feared the lamb would die and Mary would be sad, she was able to coax her father into submission.

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That's so cute I could puke.

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Want to know what old age is like? I just threw out my back because the toaster startled me.


PEOPLE COPING WITH THEIR ENVIRONMENT


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Without Barriers the British Still Know How to Queue
Nothing short of immortality would get me to stand in a line like that.

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A woman picked up a sprinkler head after it had fallen on her desk, then hit herself in the head with it to stage an on-the-job injury.

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This is her reply to the time my wife's store call her for a question when she was on vacation.
And, no, she is not indicating it is in the cloud.

By the way...
Then my wife must be one of the most honest person in America.

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[ A long read but I thought it was worth it. ]
During a robbery in Guangzhou, China, the bank robber shouted to everyone in the bank: "Don't move. The money belongs to the State. Your life belongs to you." Everyone in the bank laid down quietly. This is called "Mind Changing Concept” Changing the conventional way of thinking.
When a lady lay on the table provocatively, the robber shouted at her: "Please be civilized! This is a robbery and not a rape!"  This is called "Being Professional” Focus only on what you are trained to do!  When the bank robbers returned home, the younger robber (MBA-trained) told the older robber (who has only completed Year 6 in primary school): "Big brother, let's count how much we got." 
The older robber rebutted and said: "You are very stupid. There is so much money it will take us a long time to count. Tonight, the TV news will tell us how much we robbed from the bank!"  This is called "Experience.” Nowadays, experience is more important than paper qualifications! 
After the robbers had left, the bank manager told the bank supervisor to call the police quickly. But the supervisor said to him: "Wait! Let us take out $10 million from the bank for ourselves and add it to the $70 million that we have previously embezzled from the bank”. This is called "Swim with the tide.” Converting an unfavorable situation to your advantage! The supervisor says: "It will be good if there is a robbery every month."  This is called "Killing Boredom.” Personal Happiness is more important than your job. The next day, the TV news reported that $100 million was taken from the bank. The robbers counted and counted and counted, but they could only count $20 million. The robbers were very angry and complained: "We risked our lives and only took $20 million. The bank manager took $80 million with a snap of his fingers. It looks like it is better to be educated than to be a thief!"  This is called "Knowledge is worth as much as gold!" 
The bank manager was smiling and happy because his losses in the share market are now covered by this robbery.  This is called "Seizing the opportunity.” Daring to take risks! 
So who are the real robbers here?
Get an education. Become bank manager. Wait to be robbed. Rob bank 8x more then Actual robbers. Blame Robbers.

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Notice the effort not to maintain eye contact.

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Boaters save humpback whale from drowning in net.
Once it was free, the whale exuberantly breached the water 40 times over an hour, often right next to the boat.

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She comes in colors.

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I consider him rather lucky.

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You'd think that the guy in charge of putting pepperoni on frozen pizzas would've been up for a performance review by now.

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I don't know all there is to know about Saudi misadventures, but there's something about an all-powerful monarchy that isn't inherently evil. Add to that almost unlimited money and that evil is almost inevitable. 


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