About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Wednesday, May 3, 2017

WEDNESDAY #3055

One Of My Very Own...


HABANERA


I'm not sure I get this joke...



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Venezuelan protests continue.
The situation is getting difficult here. Maduro basically signed last night a decree to overthrow the state powers and systematically end with all possibilities for a presidential election putting him and his government on power for 20+ years.
What a....healthy young woman.

By any measure this is attempted murder.
Be careful, my friends.

Is there no one in Venezuela who reads my blog?
Look at the gasoline spewing out of that bottle. Jesus fucking Christ, people, there is a right way and a wrong way to do that. Do a little research.

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I've been having conversations about language that I find confusing. In some cities people say they are going "Downtown" and in other cities they go "Uptown;" while in others (I can only assume smaller cities) they just go to town.
Anybody know if there is a rule about that? I'm absolutely sure it has nothing to do with elevation.

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An avid viewer of this blog told me that my blogs are no longer funny enough. Ouch! All I can say is that I'm doing my best, but some days there just isn't anything funny enough on the internet worth sharing.


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They say New Zealand has a sheep population of over 60 million. How did they stay awake long enough to count them all?


OBJECTS OF INTEREST

What Happens Next?
A. The plane moves forward and almost hits the terminal.
B. The landing gear collapses almost killing men.
C. An ostrich runs out onto the tarmac.
D. A giant snake makes an appearance.

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Brilliant.

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Oh, look! Another healthy young woman...

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The internet has a ton of gags about those antique shows...

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I've found a fellow traveler...

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Oh, my.

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Nobody Rides for Free.

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"The scene is both eery and beautiful when these sperm whales flip upside down – as if ready to begin a dive – and take catnaps with their pods."
"Hanging motionless in the water for up to 12 minutes (a brief time compared to their one-breath-dives that can last up to 90 minutes), these gentle giants are able to nap with half of their brains off, an act that is common among cetaceans. By shutting off only half of the brain, whales ensure that they are focused on both resting AND breathing. Unlike respiratory systems in humans, the respiratory system of a dolphin or whale is voluntary meaning cetaceans must keep at least part of their brains awake in order to “trigger” each breath. They hang vertically at the waters surface so that they have quick and easy access to oxygen when needed. Whales spend about 7.1 percent of their time asleep, and on a super interesting note, scientists have discovered that whales even exhibit signs of REM sleep (or the phase of sleep in humans that coordinates with dreaming)!"

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The lack of handrails would doom it in America.

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I once critiqued a book called "Carnival Stripper."
They say would pissed them off more than anything was for one of the guys to bite her clit while licking it. This while she was on stage.

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D. A giant snake makes an appearance.

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If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because I bet that's what really throws you into a panic.


PLACES

Why isn't this considered raping the environment?

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This reminds me of a story.
The alcoholic father of a friend of mine once bought a horse who had been rescued from a stable fire which had left the horse batshit crazy. All it did all day was walk around the house in a circle, until there was a six foot wide, three feet deep ditch that turned into a moat with every rain. The kids had to lay a board across it to get to school. When the man got drunk he would get up on that horse with a bottle and just ride around and around. One night he fell off the horse and drowned in the ditch and his children found him the next morning.

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Biggest bonsai tree I've ever seen.
Unless the town is really, really tiny.

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You ever liked that one neighbor enough to do that? Me neither.

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Is there a frog on a log in the bottom of the hole in an island in the lake?

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Smorgasbord.
I'm assuming they ran off a cliff.

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Alt-Reich

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Do flat earthers think all planets are flat or just the Earth?


PEOPLE


It's too easy to get hurt without the help of a "friend"...

This is the way to pull a prank.

This is all the more funny because she doesn't look like the kind of person to do that to a child.

I want people to react like this to failed rocket launches and such...

Sometimes we just bring it on ourselves.

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A lie will ALWAYS make things worse.

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BEAR MOVIE...after her boyfriend was disemboweled, she picked up an apple-sized rock as a defensively weapon. A rock.
Then she wonders through a forest with AT LEAST one killer bear and SCREAMS OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN!

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I don't think we get smarter as we get older. We just run out of stupid shit to do.


LANGUAGE AND CARTOONS


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Fuck you, person with the answer to every problem.

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The millennials and their damn games. They have a new game they play called trying to pay off student loans before dying of old age.


ART PHOTOGRAPHY

Damals in Berlin, Rainer K├Ânig




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Might as well - Ben Young


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Dusted, Kacper Kowalski



I thought those wonderful.

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You know what's a bitch? When your parents promise you the education they never had, but they had a great education so you get shit. I'm still pissed off about that.

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5 comments:

Anonymous said...

To the avid viewer who thinks you aren't as funny, I say "sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't" One of the many attributes I enjoy about this blog is that it isn't always funny. Sometimes it is brooding and contemplative, and it never ceases to amaze me how those days seem to correspond with my own dismal mood and outlook. I'm generally an upbeat, positive person but there are just times when shit isn't funny. You keep doing you, Ralph.

p.s.: Is there a hair on the wart on the frog?

psm

Anonymous said...

I agree with the Anonymous quote above. My opinion, I don't think the point of your blog is to always be funny but sometimes thought provoking. You keep up the good work Sir Ralph.

Anonymous said...

I think you have misunderstood your avid viewer

Fardygardy said...

I am sure you have women readers as well, but when I recommend your blog to just about everyone, I call it "a man's view of the world."
(Although, since you seem to have ended your occasional "women who look like sluts but probably are not" section, not so much. Perhaps this "you offend me" culture got to you too?)

I do love your blog. Far, far better than reading a newspaper -although I think you do linger on trump too much.

And, I recommend you to everyone I know.

Ralph Henry said...

Thank you all. Sincerely.

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