About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Saturday, June 3, 2017

SATURDAY GIF DUMP #3086

One Of My Very Own...


DON'T YOU WANT SOMEBODY TO LOVE



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Inmate: Did you bring a cake with a file in it?
Me: *holding file folder containing cake photos* I may have misunderstood.


THINGS I DIDN'T KNOW EXISTED


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And, yes, it works.

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This is why we don't kill black snakes.
I had no idea they could do that.

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Abandoned Train Station
Yeah, I thought it was a vehicle also.
No idea where that is.

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Soiled pants?

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They call it the Radically Invasive Projectile (RIP) 

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You can actually buy these.

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Anyone care to tell me what this means?

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 Shout-out to smartphones for eliminating tedious tasks from our lives like reading books or watching the road when we drive.


THE BEST LAID PLANS...

I find organized religion just as ridiculous.

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Who could have resisted.

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Once right after we first graduated, my first wife and I scraped up enough money for a trip to the beach with our two young daughters. It was my job to cook all the meals to save money. I had a tiny little grill like the one above and was cooking hamburger steaks just like that guy. I went to turn them over for one last time and the whole thing turned over and spilled our dinner onto the sand. We had to eat a fast food burger instead.

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I was talking to a real son of the South about that clip and told him about an engine who said, "Fuck it, I'm outta here." He thought I was referring to an American Indian..."Injun."

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What the hell did they expect it to do?

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Note: Never ever combine food with fire. You are just begging for trouble.

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Notice the other fans are very disappointed and that he throws the ball back on the field. That tells me it was a live ball and he interfered with a play that would have been favorable to his team.

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You know he did it...
The father in the pool does not look pleased.

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This guy cut his finger then later fingered a girl with chlamydia and it got in his finger and he had to have it amputated.
I've tried very hard to work this into causal conversation and have been wildly unsuccessful.


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If you encounter someone who is massively overreacting to something, calm them down by laughing at them.


THE FEMALE HUMAN

Hasn't this idiot ever seen Seinfeld?

It's like an eclipse: You get a quick glance at it then quickly look away!

In his defense, those are some pretty great tits.

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One cool son of a bitch.

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Visually impaired man who sees his girlfriend for the first time starts off by looking at her boobs.
We simply can't help it. It's hard wired since birth.

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I'll let that speak for itself.

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She actually hates boomerangs but can't seem to throw them away.

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Photographer Michael Joseph takes portraits of homeless kids who hitchhike on trains in America.
I was wondering how they kept from getting raped...then I saw their photos.

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Cop: You appear intoxicated. Can you walk this line?
Me: No problem. Stay in the car Grandma.
G-ma: Can he use my walker? He's been drinking.


SILLINESS


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Guy kind of looks like that Walking Dead guy.

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Young daughter: Dad, can I sleep with y'all? I'm scared.
Me: No, I can't risk the monster following you into our room and killing us too.


LET'S LEARN SOMETHING

Stunt Cameramen shooting "The Bourne Ultimatum"
We all remember the shot of him jumping from a roof into another building. All the while the camera follows him.
I thought he didn't make it, but he was tethered. 

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Oldest GIF ever
From source: "This is the first motion picture ever made (June 19, 1878). There was a hotly debated question of the day over whether all 4 feet of a race horse leave the ground, so photographer Eadweard Muybridge said "I can prove that." Of course the cameras back then fired once ("poof") so Muybridge had to use an array of 12 cameras set up to fire in a well timed sequence which wasn't exactly easy." 

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Human flesh and prions.
Humans have an altered protein called prions. These can be found in all parts of the body, but mostly in nerves and brain. They will fuck you up if you tried to live off human flesh.

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Precolonial Manhattan

Notice how much was filled in later.


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Please don't invite me to your wedding unless you're registered at Wendy's.


OUR ANIMAL "FRIENDS"

Dad just wants to meet the kids....

Here's another example of a new father denied.


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What's the best way to piss off a bunch of wasps?

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It must be a male.

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????


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Please don't invite me to your wedding unless you're registered at Wendy's.

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There are two trillion objects in the Kuiper Belt. That means that the US debt could put a ten dollar bill on each and every one of them.


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

About the man wrestling the deer: http://www.startribune.com/wadena-wildlife-wanderings-shopper-tackles-deer-in-wal-mart-pet-aisle/422830823/

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