About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Friday, July 21, 2017

FRIDAY #3132

One Of My Very Own...




Enough said.

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Just like they respect their customers.

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I watched that clip and sure enough, he sticks a baggie of drugs in an empty Coke can then brings other cops into the alley as he "finds" the stash.

Then there's this jerk.
"OPENS UP A LOOPHOLE?!?"
There's already loopholes big enough to drive an armored car through. And why, you ask, doesn't the feds step in? Well, that the beauty of the scam. They get half the loot.

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Police in Saudi Arabia have arrested a young woman who wore a miniskirt in public and posted the video online, sparking backlash from people who say she flagrantly violated the kingdom's conservative Islamic dress code.
The woman, whose name was not given, was detained by police in the capital, Riyadh, for wearing "immodest clothes" that contradicted the country's conservative Islamic dress code, state media reported Tuesday. 

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This time of year I call the sport doldrums. There ain't nothing on TV that interests me. We been betting on motorcycle races by choosing either odd or even numbered riders. I even bet on MMA matches but it became painfully apparent that my opponent knew much more about the fighters than I. I can hardly wait on the start up of college football, then my beloved NFL.




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I don't always walk the walk or even talk the talk, but if you want someone who can drink the drink, I'm your man.


THINGS I WAS TOLD WERE TRUE


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Shanghai is developing a facial recognition system to identify jaywalkers.
Big SMART Brother is upon us.

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The FOURTH FUCKING LESSON? Bitch be bad.


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Once, when I was 7 years old I sat on a banana and well, of course, that changed my life.


THINGS THAT ARE PROBABLY LIES

Proof that zombies are real...

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Shit happens.

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During roadtrips with my buddies we always bought a few of these en route, then sit around and take turns reading articles from start to finish.
Hahahabananahaha!
Hahahabananahaha!
Hahahabananahaha!


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Every fireworks display ends with someone's dad saying "Is that all?"


RALPH'S LEARNING CORNER

I read somewhere that the skin on your hands do this to increase it grip underwater.
I assume the feet doing the same would aid you in not slipping on rocks.

Speaking of skin...

When a Persian judge named Sisamnes was caught accepting a bribe, King Darius was determined to make an example out of him. The courts of Persia, Darius believed, should be impartial and fair. He was going to be sure that Sisamnes’s replacement didn’t make the same mistake. Sisamnes was killed, but that was just the start. After his throat had been slit, Darius had the executioners flay off every inch of his skin and make them into strips of human leather. Then he had them sew together a chair made of Sisamnes’s skin. From then on, the new judge would have to sit on a chair made of human flesh. It gets worse: Sisamnes’s replacement was his own son. As he presided over Persia’s trials, he would have to spend every day sitting on a chair made of his father’s flesh. Now, King Darius believed, they would have a judge who would never forget what happened if he accepted a bribe.

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A New Quantum Theory Predicts That The Future Might Be Influencing The Past

One of the weirder aspects of quantum mechanics could be explained by an equally weird idea – that causation can run backwards in time as well as forwards. What Einstein called "spooky" action at a distance could theoretically be evidence of retrocausality, which is the particle equivalent of you getting a stomach ache today thanks to tomorrow's bad lunch. A pair of physicists from the US and Canada took a closer look at some basic assumptions in quantum theory and decided unless we discovered time necessarily ran one way, measurements made to a particle could echo back in time as well as forward.

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Used by the Māori tribes of New Zealand, this simple-looking, yet solid, club was built from nephrite jade. Strangely enough, the Māori used the 12-20 inch club for jabbing and thrusting instead of swinging downward blows in the way that most other clubs are used. To the Māori, the mere was a very spiritual weapon. They named their mere clubs and passed them down through generations. They even believed that the clubs contained a mana (spiritual force) of their own.

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Pod of sperm whales sleeping. Scientists have analyzed data from tagged whales and discovered that these massive marine mammals spend about 7 percent of their time taking short (six- to 24-minute) rests in this shallow vertical position. 

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These elephant feet-turned-footstools are among some 1.3 million confiscated wildlife products housed in a U.S. Fish and Wildlife repository near Denver, Colorado. A recent census found that African elephant (Loxodonta africana) populations have shrunk by an average of 8 percent each year over the past decade.
(Jesus fucking Christ)

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While the termites construct the mound, Brazilian click beetles (Pyrearinus termitilluminans) burrow into the porous earthen structure and lay their eggs inside. Like fireflies, click beetle larvae produce their characteristic green glow via a chemical reaction within their tissues.

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Silfra fissure was created by the European and North American tectonic plates moving 2 cm apart every year. Silfra is one of the only places in the world where you can swim between two tectonic plates.
BTW 2 cm a year is about how fast your fingernails grow.


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Do gay men who are about to get married go on separate bachelor parties?


THE ODDITY THAT IS BEING HUMAN

He got SACKED!!
BULLSEYE! I think it's called teabagged.

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Humans love to invent stuff.
And as a general rule, the cheaper the better.
I wonder if a bigger one, say 55 gal. drum, would work with squirrels.

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It's a legitimate question, I suppose.

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Saving Private Ryan  --  Medic gets shot through Canteen, blood starts to mix in.
So he must have been hit in the hip, but I don't know how the plumbing would work.

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Those are two measurements = +1.

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My favorite was him on the phone saying, "You don't actually blow on it, that's just what it's called."

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Real problem solvers.


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Man walks into a barn.
Horse: Why the short dick?


ART AND ARTISTS

Dronestagram's fourth annual International Drone Photography Contest
"Two Moo" by LukeMaximoBell.


"Waterlilly" by helios1412

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Silver Surfer on the streets of NYC

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I have decided to post this every time I come upon it. It's an awesome image.
I think it represents "My wife's entire dating history."


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If you see two people fighting, be a decent human being and turn your phone horizontally before filming.


ABOUT YOUR HOST


My advice to all you young people is to get off the goddamn interstate and look the fuck around.
I mean that. Most people think that travel time is just the price you pay for being somewhere else. I think that the going is the fun part.

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The gentleman's guide to amputation.
I, however, would not recommend that the patient be standing throughout this procedure no matter how stoic they look.
I managed to purchase a used amputation saw just like the one in the illustration.
Mine was all stainless steel, including the handle.

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There was some talk about tearing down a very old, very ornate building in my city. This upset many of us.
That mural (not mine) reminded me of the reflection mural I did that depicted that historical building in a false glass facade. 

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I once sent a dick pic to my girlfriend and used a Bic lighter for scale.

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Just a reminder that we once had presidents who talked like this.



3 comments:

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